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Showing posts with label coontastic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label coontastic. Show all posts

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Sigh Inducing Trailers...

What can I say? No freaking comment.

"Big Momma 3"

<a href="" target="_new" title="Exclusive: 'Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son' Trailer">Video: Exclusive: 'Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son' Trailer</a>

"For Stuffed Colored Girls" (btw, is wayne brady looking kinda good? am i going crazy? NEVER thought i'd say that)

Tuesday, August 18, 2009


Ms. Invisible is officially back in her element. I moved back to the Bay last year to be closer to family and close friends, but I knew I was only denying the inevitable move back. I am an L.A. girl, and that's it, period. You will reap the benefits by getting some first hand reportage on all things Black Cinema.

I missed attending the opening night of Spike Lee's "Passing Strange" at the Downtown Film Festival, cause I was still in the Bay (a movie that sort of adds to my theory I posted about using plays for filmed material). It is sort of a small fest, so not too much was jumping off for Black films...there is a documentary about Bill Withers that I may catch called "Still Bill" playing tomorrow. There is another film screening there called "The Soul Of Ashanti" which I am almost ashamed to say I first thought was about the singer Ashanti, lol. To my relief it is based in Africa.

Nice to see some quality films on the circuit, but some things never change, and it's getting tiresome. While Sergio and I were lamenting the latest debacle from The Wayans Brothers, a sequel to "White Chicks" (they had the nerve to say they brought it back "by popular demand"), he wrote this:

"I was talking to a friend yesterday and we got into this discussion about why do we see so much coonery going on by black people in the media and in real life in general.

I think, and my friend agreed, it's because many (most?) black people deep down inside truly believe that they're inferior, totally worthless. That they're not in any way as intelligent, attractive, or simply as good or equal as white people. Therefore they resist acting intelligent, rational or even if they have common sense because they're terrified that they will be revealed as frauds and phonies. So it's much easier to act the fool. And that goes for the Wayans as well.

That's why you hear black people criticizing other black people about "acting white" What they're really saying is "How dare you think that you're as good as a white person, because we're not so don't pretend"."

From IW: Hmmmm....interesting. What do you think, guys? And yes, that is Damon Wayans below in the blackface.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Superhead = Super Stupid

This is a repost of an article I did over today at Soul Sis-Star Reviews....

[On] my other blog I said I was about to review "Panther", which I still will, but I took a little detour off on the DVD "Kiss And Tail", which starts off being about video girls and groupies for about 15 minutes, then veers off into a bombardment against Superhead, aka Karrine Steffans, author of "Confessions of a Video Vixen" and "The Vixen Diaries".

I want to make it clear that I have ZERO love for Karrine, and it's not because of her sexual exploits. It is because of her as of late consistent 'holier than thou' attitude that I have read about and seen in interviews. I also have no respect for those who want to be famous and known at any cost whatsoever.

You see, I used to be heavily involved in rap on the business side. These dudes would come at you every day, every which way till Sunday. I don't believe they even cared about who you were or what you really looked like, as long as they felt you were even semi-attractive. They just wanted to see if they could get it. For Karrine to act like she cured cancer or something just by getting these guys that practically anyone could get, then blabbing about it to the whole world and acting like she did something special is just so f*cking ridiculous to me. Add that to the fact that she always refers to herself as "a New York Times bestselling author". Oh really, Toni Morrison? Talk to me when you write a book about something besides whose peen you put your mouth on.

Let's just say that it is welcoming to see her get a taste of her own medicine. The folks in this film are for reals, for reals, and they don't hold back, which I absolutely love. It is not speculation, but from the horses' mouth based on actual experiences and interaction with her.

Save the comments about "you have to respect her hustle!". I don't respect anyone that lies about having a baby to get money (see Ma Barker), lies about having been pregnant numerous times (see Darius McCrary aka Eddie Winslow), lies about not having sex with Jay Z (see her own words in her first book) lies about doing porno (see Mr. Marcus and some Samoan porn star dude whose name I forgot) lies about being married, lies about how long she was doing said activities, and lies about almost everything except f*cking, from what I can see.

She has the audacity to say that the things she did like getting paid $200 by Murder, Inc. to give blow jobs to everyone for the day was "Like being in college. I had just got a divorce, so I got a little wild. I deserved that" Ummm....noooo, that is not like college, sorry.

Also this: "I had to do these things. It was L.A., L.A. does this to you. If I didn't do these things I would have died". Whatever, B. I have lived in L.A. off and on for 20 years, and guess what? I never had to s*ck a d*ck to pay the rent, no matter how hard it got. You know why? Cause I didn't want to!

Though the film can get repetitive, and really won't hold a lot of interest unless you know about Karrine Steffans or the folks she juked, it is nice to see a woman that is a complete psycho and has ruined so many people with her ugliness get her comeuppance. You can tell narrator Wendy Williams is loving every minute of telling all of the salacious details as well.

Everyone in this film pretty much agrees that this woman could not have any friends--and I could see all of the anger and hurt of betrayal from those on film that testified. Like Ja Rule said, "Yes, you are famous, but you are not a star. A star is someone you want to emulate, someone that has something you wish you had. I don't think anyone wants to be like Karrine".


Thursday, July 9, 2009

Kettles, Robots, and Swimming in "Post Racial America"....

I think it's safe to say that our infatuation with the promise of a "post-racial America" is officially way over. Not that I ever bought into it, for sure. Much about race is bubbling up these days, and while a tiny bit of it just has me shaking my head, the rest of it just makes me wanna kick somebody's ass sometimes. Like Field Negro said, it's just exhausting trying to keep up.

What leaves me going "whatever, dude" is pot/kettle Quincy Jones' non-revelation about Micheal Jackson "wanting to be white". "Have you seen his kids?" he asks in an interview. Wow. This from a man who I've never seen date anyone darker than a Sunset Spray Tan, and whose daughters can pass so well they actually get work in Hollywood. This is who he was with in Europe instead of attending the funeral of the man who made him zillions:

Speaking of Micheal, spotted this on my blogging buddy Eric Easter's site "Big Ideas" from Ebony/Jet.Com. It is a video of Sammy Davis Jr. comparing himself to Michael Jackson on Arsenio Hall, and ends up being something close to a confessional on race. Sammy goes in a few different directions, but you can see and feel the pain this immensely talented man went through, and he used that talent to navigate his way through a tragic life, just like Mike. It was his shield, just like Mike. Oddly Sammy was the only other celebrity besides MJ that made me cry when he passed.

What makes one want to put foot to ass is the situation in Philly that most have heard about by now, where a group of children were denied entry into a swimming pool because it was feared they may change "the complexion" of the pool area. Yes, the fools that run the joint actually said that.

I am not surprised, however, as the same thing happened to me as a kid. My family and I took a road trip to Canada, and in one hotel in Washington state we went swimming. When we went in, all of the YT's promptly got out. I saw one kid crying to his mom "Why can't we swim? I want to swim!" and his mother hissed at him to "shut the hell up". When I asked my mother if everyone got out because of us (it was even obvious to me as an 8 year old), she said "don't worry about it, there's just more room for us to swim now". And being a kid, I promptly forgot about about it. But now that I know better, I'm sure she felt all of the pain, hurt, and frustration those kids in Philly felt, and what made it more ridiculous is though Black, she is the same skin tone as those who got out. I am grateful she made light of it for my sake, so I did not feel what she felt too.

And finally, a cinema related statement on race; a post that my blogging soulmate Tafari did for The Afrospear, which he relayed got him a lot of heated haterade comments:

"Yesterday, I made it a point to go see “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” in IMAX. Ever since the last Transformers theatrical release I had been giddy for more.

Hours before I headed to the movies, I started reading posts online that discussed racism in the movie but still I pressed on to Showcase Cinemas and dropped $10.50 for my ticket.

Fast forwarding 2.5 hours later. I’m walking out of the theater with my mind blown for many reasons; 1st, the movie was so action packed I thought I was going to slip into a seizure. 2nd the movie was overtly sexual, which made it seem like an R rated movie instead of PG-13 and 3rd the racism that was built into the movie was billed as comedic relief.

As I drove home, I tried to reconcile the racism but I could not, so I decided to sleep on it.

So this morning, when I woke up, I actually got mad about what I saw in “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” The racism that I’m talking about in case you don’t already know is dealing with the Autobot twins “Skids” and “Mudflap” or the “ Little Black Sambo[ts].

  1. Both of the twins talk like they are straight from a Lil Wayne video.

  2. They play the dozens (crack jokes on each other and anyone else) in every scene.
  3. They are seemingly proud of the fact that they cannot read. “Read?! Nuh-uh…” “No, we don’t really do much readin’!”

  4. Skids has a GOLD front tooth. Yes, a big bucked out gold tooth
  5. The names “Skids” and “Mudflap” imply darkness and or nastiness.

  6. Do I really need to add a 6th, you should get the picture now.

(Wait, for extra measure, if you want to see another relevant countdown list, you have to read this. “7 reasons why Transformers 2 might be racist…”)

With all this now parsed out, I’m wondering why and how this stereotypical bullshit slipped past Michael Bay and Paramount Pictures. Did they care? Did they know? Did they think it was ok?

I feel bad and torn because I actually liked the movie a lot, but how could I in good conscious? Maybe it’s the kid in me remembering watching the cartoon way back in the mid 80s.

Although the racism pisses me off about this flick, I was also disturbed about the adult content and overt hypersexuality. But like I said, I liked the movie, so what does this mean about me?

I know I won’t see the movie again, nor will I purchase the DVD. I do not want my kids seeing this mess and not only that it’s so not a kids movie. Don’t let the PG-13 rating fool you!

Transformers used to be all about the kids way back when, but not so much now thanks to Michael Bay and Paramount Pictures. I’m just saying.

Side note: This post is not nearly what I wanted it to be. Not at all! My thoughts are with and on Michael Jackson. As I wrap this up, I’m chair dancing to “Off The Wall” while I try to control my urge to cry about a man that reached my soul through song, dance and beauty."

From IW: Why am I not surprised that Mike Epps was the voice one of those coontastic robots?

Update: OK, I was misinformed. It wasn't Mike Epps, but one of the voices was YT Tom Kenny, who also voices Spongebob Squarepants :-(

Saturday, April 25, 2009

When It All Falls Down....

I think I ruffled a few feathers not too long ago when I stated that "age was the enemy" on the post I did on Jimmy "J.J" Walker and Boy George, alluding to their rapid deterioration and alarming visages. Some said "It's not age, it's lifestyle!" True, that is a factor, but you can be the exercisinest veganist vegan, and it all hits the end of the road somewhere. I started thinking of this subject for several reasons...the first one being this:

That these two that practically anyone, at any time, at any place, would have smashed in the 90's end up looking like Michael Jackson's unholy apprentices. I just don't get it. NOTE TO HOLLYWOOD: Make a beeline to whomever works on Halle Barry and Jennifer Lopez and call it a day! Those two should be the only working plastic surgeons in the world. Period.

Yes, age is devastating, as was witnessed on the "American Idol" disco medley the other day. Much has been made of how "ancient" the guests were, but if any of the readers of this blog look like Freda Payne (67 in Sept), or Thelma Houston (63 in a yellow dress showing a massive amount of leg) at their ages, please let me know. As for KC of KC and the Sunshine Band....well, let's just say he is dealing with a numerous amount of the white man's burdens.

Another example of the perils of aging is the disappointing film I watched the other day, "Original Gangstas". I was very happy to live with the memory of the fine-ass (and I do mean ass) Fred Williamson, aka 'The Hammer' from the 70's, and this film was an unwelcome jolt of reality. It is a vengeance movie that brings together Williamson, Jim Brown (wearing this life's most unfortunate kufi to cover an even more unfortunate bald spot), Ron O'Neal (Superfly, looking like the cashier/weed dealer at your nearest bodega), Richard Roundtree (Shaft), and Pam Grier (Foxy Brown, with hair looking like it hasn't seen the working end of a flat iron for several decades). You would think bringing together the most iconic icons of 70's Blaxploitation would be the sh*t, but sadly, I was left wishing everyone would have just rested on their laurels, and all I wanted to do was hand out Restalyne and Ab Rollers to everyone involved :-(

But there are other things that can cause it to all fall down, most prolific being stupidity. Rapper/actor Xzibit is about to lose his house to foreclosure, after 100 years of "Pimp My Ride" and it's reruns. Terrence Howard is still whining about losing his part in "Ironman". Ummm....T? Everyone involved with this film has been a professional for years. You mumble, sleepwalk, and use your "quivering voice" at dramatic pauses, then proceed to jack your price up sky high? That is exactly why you are in some fucked up movie called "Fighting" with the other weirdest Black man in Hollywood, Roger Guenveur Smith, who is probably your doppelganger, and playing second fiddle to Channing Tatum, whoever that is. Maybe you can pick up where Wesley Snipes left off.

A loooong way from wearing Ironman's suit of armor, yes?

Stupidity coupled with being low budget is definitely the way to make it fall down. Idris Elba now refuses to do press junkets and attend the premieres of his masterpiece "Obsessed". Negro, you were on "The Wire". Did you even read the script for this POS? I'm assuming not, as it surely would have ended up in "the circular file" as my grandfather used to say--aka the wastebasket. Don't act all brand new now. What did you possibly hope to accomplish starring opposite Beyonce and Ali Larter, in a film that was produced by the dude that did "3 Can Play That Game?" Falling down, dude. Hard.

But nobody has fallen as hard in my recent memory as this next one. I watched a bootleg (yes, I'm going to Heck) of "Single Black Female", which is without exception the very worst film ever made, ever. It looked like it was filmed on a 1999 Nokia phone, yet I was could not stop watching it. I was completely transfixed by it's unbelievable horribleness--I think I was hypnotized. Beyonce can make a thousand "Obsesseds" and it wouldn't even come close to the stench of this flick. It "stars" Farrah Something Or Other, who used to be in Destiny's Child, and obviously that will forever be the zenith in her life till the grave. Yes, age is no joke, but combine being stupid, low budget, AND talentless and there is nowhere to go but down. Behold:

So I stand corrected, age is not the only enemy, but it is still definitely in the top five!

Monday, March 2, 2009

F*ckery All Around Me...

I know my posting has been spotty. The truth is, I've finished a transition back to the Bay Area to be closer to my parents, and I miss L.A. terribly...I will probably have to have residences in both places to keep everyone happy, the main person being me.

The weather has been atrocious in the Bay; cold, rainy, windy--the kind of weather that puts me in a deep, grouchy funk, as I am very, very much a sunshine person. I think my blogging has been affected as well...but fear not--I have come out of my cave for a moment to comment on some of the f*ckery that keeps slapping me in the face, haha.

How can I not say anything about the severe and unmitigated f*ckery that is Samuel Jackson? After being the super-overexposed version of Beyonce in the movie biz, he seems to want to dare us to hate him. He has signed on to do 9, yes nine, yes IX more pictures as the character Nick Fury. Is there anyone in life we want to see that much? I would saw off someone's foot to get close to Dwayne The Rock Johnson, but even I wouldn't want to see him in nine freaking pictures playing the same character. Just boo!

Also on my grouch radar is Tyler Perry. I said to myself that I wasn't going to dedicate anymore space to his projects except for straight reportage, but gawtdayum, a movie version of "I Can Do Bad All By Myself"? What next--Stepin Fetchit on Parade? I mean, that play was all sorts of funny, but it puts the chitlin', fatback, and hog maws in chitlin' circuit.

Speaking of chitlins, for some crazy Black History f*ckery, check out Thembi's post on white (and Black) America's tributes to our so-called history and tastes. True WTF?!? shenanigans if you ever saw it!

I kept silent about Slickback's stupid statement about the Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle (my advice still stands to only speak through a publicist, Terrence), and it is even more stupid as he was arrested for the exact same thing a few years back.

But what is this that Chris Brown was to star with Fantasia as Harpo in the Washington D.C. stage play version of "The Color Purple" (which he has been dropped from)? Remember this line? "You told Harpo to beat me!" Ummmm...ironeeeee....

Just setting my grouch/disgust factor off the charts is Marlon Jackson's complete lunacy about building a slavery theme park, complete with golf courses, spas, etc., coupled with a Jackson family museum. How much do we really know about Marlon? I mean he has never really said much do we know he might not have some mild form of autism or something like that? All signs point to it with an idea so stupid I can dedicate 3 posts to it.

And finally, just the type of f*ckery that wears one to the bone--why, Whoopi, why?

Not that her wardrobe of choice should be any surprise. Let's take a look at some of her other Oscars dress choices, yes?

Clearly this woman has never been introduced to, or been within a 50 mile radius of a stylist, ever.

Okay, rants over. Just to balance out my mid-winter crotchetiness is some good news. I will be starting a sort of West Coast version of Reelblack, showing screenings of yet to be released independant and rarely seen throwback films, along with talks with actors, directors, etc. this summer called "Black Cinema At Large". Those of you in the Bay are very welcome to hang with yours truly. Each event will be posted on this blog so stay tuned, and stay blessed :-)

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Disturbing Picture(s) Of The Week....

And I do mean disturbing in every single sense of the word.**

**i do know this is unrelated to black cinema, but these mugshots sent my soul to heaven, and i had to resurrect and share...thank you fresh

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

When Acting Reels Go Wrong....

I saw this video before I started this blog, and LMBAO! It is Carl Lewis (yes the Olympic track star) playing a pimp for his acting reel. The first time I saw it, the blogger said (don't remember which one) that Lewis' acting skills seem to consist of repeating back what everybody just said to him. This ish is so hilarious that my friend and I still reference it sometimes. He makes New York from "New York Goes To Hollywood" look like Angela Bassett...bootleg!

thanks to fresh, who reminded me of this mess

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Count Pimpula All Up In This Mug....

OK. Y'all knows I tryta stay away from the most low budget, ignant sh*t out there, cause, let's face it, there's just too much of it around. But every once in a while I come across something that makes me sad for my people and our offspring, and I just have to share. To wit:

By the way, here is a so called "trailer" that is about 8 seconds long. Why the high tension, overly dramatic music, coupled with a special effects slo-mo for a simple pimp slap? Jeesh.

Pimpula Trailer

hat-tip you know you dead azz wrong--one of my favorite guilty pleasures by far

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Disturbing Picture Of The Week...

Need I really say more?

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

The Black Cinema World Of BET vs.TV One

Okay, I see that BET is trying to compete a bit with TV One on the Black Movie thing. For the most part, BET isn't really stepping to the plate like they should, mainly showing "Soul Plane" ad nauseum. Take last night, for example: TV One was showing "Shaft", "Shaft's Big Score!", and "Shaft Goes To Africa". BET was showing "New Jack City". While I know that New Jack City is on many a favorite list, in my mind, there is no contest; TV One is bout it, bout it.

Let's briefly summarize what has been shown on BET Movies as of late (bear in mind I don't pay much attention to their line-up):

Gang Of Roses: Lil'Kim. Stacey Dash, Monica Calhoun (ugh) and others I kinda forgot as former prostitutes in the wild, wild West that become outlaws on the lam. Who knew that there were weaves, Baby Phat clothing, and MAC makeup in the Old West? Complete and total ridiculosity in every way from the script to the costuming to the acting.

The Wash: Featuring the super amazing acting skills of Snoop Dogg and Doctor Dre as 2 buddies working at a car wash. I frequently say that this is the worst Black movie I've ever seen, and I doubt that will ever change to my grave.

Leprechaun: Back To Tha Hood: About a leprechaun running around the ghetto trying to get his gold back. Need I say more?

State Property 2: Was there even a need to make State Property One?

Waist Deep: Super, duper low budget, but I'll give them a pass on this one (the only one), because I love looking at Tyrese and Meagan Good.

Three Can Play That Game: Kudos for at least trying to stay semi-current. As for the film itself....*sigh*

Nora's Hair Salon 2: I wrote about the dude who "wrote" and "directed" this movie before, Jean Claude LaMarre, a singular force involved with some of the worst films in Black Cinema history (he was also a part of "Gang Of Roses" and "Don't Touch Me If You Ain't Prayed! Part 2"). LMAO at his introduction in the beginning saying that he feels a responsibility toward our community for telling real stories about "us". Whatev! If you thought the first Nora's Hair Salon was bad, it was "The Dark Knight" compared to part two.

TV One on the other hand...classic and wonderful all day long.

Car Wash: Richard Pryor, Bill Duke, The Pointer Sisters, Ivan Dixon, George Carlin, Antonio Fargas, and the music of Rose Royce all in one film? Yes, the storyline was trite, but it is a true beloved classic., and everything "The Wash" wishes it was.

Dirty Laundry: The one misstep from them, maybe. Tho the core storyline was well intentioned, I place it on that long list of formula films that I am beginning to comes together for a gathering, usually at a cookout or big dinner--macaroni and cheese, greens, fried chicken, etc. is served---revelations are made, secrets are revealed, drama ensues, and it is wrapped up with "family is family, no matter what". Can somebody please, please PLEASE give Jenifer Lewis a new M.O.? I can recite her lines as the sassy/mean/nosey/hypocritical neighbor/relative almost before she says them herself.

When We Kings: TV One wins for this one alone, in my eyes. It has been on my top 5 list since the first time I saw it. I am always very interested in how Blacks have lived in other decades; their clothes, their music, their challenges. Though this film is technically about Muhammad Ali and the infamous "Rumble In The Jungle" fight, it is all the things I look for and more.

It is about race relations in the United States, as well as the beginnings of American Blacks being able to start reaching out to our African brothers for really the first time. It had performances by The Spinners, James Brown, Miriam Makeba (all who performed for the related festivities of the fight) and is a perfect snapshot of how very political and influential Ali was at his pinnacle, though that becomes almost secondary in this film.

I will go more in depth about this film at another time-it deserves it's own post; until then, enjoy the Black Cinema TV One is supplying to the masses.

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Hello There...

Hi all. I guess it's safe to say I'm back for awhile for 3 good reasons:

1) I was moved by the concern of my safety in the quake via email (btw, it scared the sh*t out of me, and I was in the big one in San Francisco).

2) If I die in a quake, I don't want my last blog post legacy to be a week old "today in b'days post", haha.

3) Your girl is monetizing her blog a bit, which means I have to get my slacking self together and actually write on my own blog a bit regularly (the nerve). I even answered your recent comments (!).

So, there has been a lot of little, unimportant news...I'll get to some of it. Thanks for all who emailed me about the Black Cinema stamps. I actually wrote about them a while ago in February HERE. I usually write about things way ahead of time, so if it seems like I'm late or not aware of something current, use my searchbar to check the archives.

First up. a funny story Sergio emailed me about the Oprah/Tyler Perry "romance" (lmao):

He just kept complaining to Oprah that he’s this successful film director and yet the paparazzi ignore him,” said a source close to Perry’s camp. “So [while on vacation in Italy] Oprah took him by the arm and said, ‘come on, let’s go take some pictures.'"

According to the source, Oprah made sure the paps got all the shots they needed of the pair while they vacationed with Oprah’s BFF Gayle King in Portofino, Italy last week.“Apparently, he complains a lot to Oprah because she did the same thing for him while they were in L.A. together last year,” said the source.

From IW: Damn, just sad.

Did you know that Charles Dutton served some serious hard time? I didn't. My man has overcome some serious odds. From Variety:

Random House's Crown Books will publish multihyphenate Charles Dutton's memoirs in 2010. The book's working title is "From Jail to Yale.''

In 1968, at age 17, the Baltimore native was convicted of manslaughter, and he served 7½ years in prison.

Less than two years later, he went back to prison after being convicted of possession of a deadly weapon. During his second stint behind bars, he became involved with prison theater groups and after his release went on to college and the Yale School of Drama.

From IW: Interesting.

This is very random: Sanaa Lathan and Nia Long will be two of the voices on "The Cleveland Show" a spin-off of the cartoon "Family Guy". This should be interesting as I am usually not amused by the "satire" of Blacks on that show. At all.

What I am amused by, however, is a new blog I discovered called "You Know You Dead Azz Wrong". It is crazy, hilarious, and extremely mean and ignorant. Keep that last part in the forefront of your mind if you click on the link, and view sigh inducing pictures like this one (sorry folkses):

Thursday, July 10, 2008

The Big Rip Off!

Big cars.......big hats.....big guns.....big boobs.....Ed McMahon.

Oh. My. God.

If this isn't the most classic, classic, classic Blaxploitation, I don't know what is!

btw, I agree with Sergio, Will Smith would never have the balls to do this...then again, who would?

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Today In B'Days....

The man behind almost all of the Black Cinema I loathe, Ice-Cube, is 39. But I'll forgive him cause of "Friday" (tho that BS he has coming out, "Janky Promoters", may make me take that back).

Here he is talking about more of his depressing projects:

Sunday, March 30, 2008

The Good, The Kinda Bad, And The Completely Wack.....

I went on one of my "mmm's" this weekend (mini movie marathons). So here are my mini reviews of what I saw.....

First up, The Good:

City Of God

I have read so very, very many wonderful things about this film. I have avoided it before, as I am ashamed to admit, sometimes I do not feel like reading subtitles. There I said it.

But my laziness has made me late on a completely amazing film on every level. It is a story of young hoodlums trying to rise above their poor and desperate hardscrabble life in Rio De Janeiro, Brazil. But it is so much more than that. There were twists and turns and multiple storylines everywhere, and it worked. Beautifully.

It conjures up memories of Scorsese's "Gangs Of New York", and Quentin Tarantino when he is good. It sometimes has the look and feel of a spectacular 70's black exploitation flick, and the high tension "anything could happen at any time" dread of "The Sopranos". Yet though you are reminded of all of these things, this film has a look and voice that is completely unique.

I once took an Italian Neo-Realism film class (not to sound uppity, but it's relevant). These films were well noted worldwide because it was the first time that cinema was shown in a ultra realistic way, and not Hollywood script style, right after WWII. They showed the human condition in a way that was in your face and unflinching, and the actors did not seem like actors at all, but folks really living the experience.

City Of God is like that; it shows Brazil in all it's beauty and it's seedy ugliness of the poor and working poor--the people are amazing to look at in this film (Brazilians are legendary for their diverse beauty, with good reason) from the darkest black to pale ginger red heads. It shows how people are forced to make choices out of desperation, cause they don't want to be left behind in a bleak hopeless world that they had no part in making, and how those choices can be so very f**ked up, to say the least.

To put it simply, this film was the s**t, the kind that you think about for days after you see it.

Also on The Good:

The Great Debaters

Yes, I finally broke down and saw it. In my opinion, though the film had high quality content, I think it would have been an even better film sans the overly sappy soundtrack. I'm just being honest.

I think one of the reasons I am such a fan of independent film is that it's lacking the swelling, manipulative music that is a staple of the Hollywood Machine. You know, the Disney-esque crescendo of the orchestra "happy music-feel happy here!" "serious, slow, tender music-feel sad here!" "uplifting loud music-feel happy again here, especially at the end!"

You know what I'm saying. That type of sound is preachy and tiresome. And I think The Great Debaters would have been a very solid film, taken a bit more seriously, and been a little longer lasting without it.

I felt the same about "Talk To Me". Just my opinion.

Next up, The Kinda Bad:

Meet The Browns

I don't want to straight out call this film bad, cause it wasn't. But it wasn't what you would call good either. Meet The Browns was pretty much everything you expect from a Tyler Perry movie, but this time with a couple of minor attention grabbing aspects.

Angela Bassett gave one of her Angela Bassett performances, and she can't help it---she is soooo serious. Even scenes that call for her to laugh light-heartedly seem very forced and unnatural. But she keeps your attention at all times, something that Tyler Perry's movies haven't really been able to do for me before. Seeing her very well toned body, jaunty, well placed hair scarves, and calm, sensible demeanor really didn't fit in that "Good Times" style project apartment she lived in either. Also lmao off at the babysitter scolding Angela multiple times, talking about "You young mothers these days". Ummmm.....Angela is 50?

Of course there is the "family-and-friends-sitting-around-the-dinner-table-while-major-life- changing-revelations-are-brought-to-life" scene (that honestly I am beginning to loathe). The one in this film is particularly out there and over the top, even for Tyler Perry.

Insert everything else from every other Perry film, and you have this one. It's almost comforting in it's sameness: a good man is a cure for all a woman's ills, the sassy/nosy/blunt neighbor/relative, the moral of "Put your faith in the Lord first", and the ever classic "Family is family, no matter what".

On a side note, even though he really hasn't done anything at all for me in the past, Rick Fox was looking mighty...."magically delicious" in this film. In other words...that negro was fine as hell! haha

*sigh* On to The Completely Wack (and inexplicable)

"Alvin And The Chipmunks"

Don't ask.

Miss B's Hair Salon

Holy sh*t. I don't even know what to say about this one. Let's first start off with the fact that the women on the DVD cover were nowhere to be found in the movie. It seemed like it was one of those films advertised on Craigslist calling for actors and crew with the line "no pay, but food and credit will be given!" They then proceed to film the movie on the cinematic equivalent of a camera phone, have everyone change "costumes" at the Exxon gas station, and have the movie take place in one room, two at the most. The script and dialogue seems like it was self-generated and wrote itself, as no breathing human being could possibly be this talentless. It makes Vivica Fox's "The Salon" look like "There Will Be Blood".

It was about a bunch of very badly done stereotypes and cliches rounded up in some sort of scary beauty shop, with Tiny Lister somehow involved. He is the only person with even a glimmer of recognition in the whole movie. The almost hypnotically insane side story was about some dude whose face they never showed-- only his crusty, blackened, weed smoked lips that he kept licking and crooked teeth, who had a parade of women coming to this house, supposedly lusting after him. He would proceed to have some type of level 3 sex offender type pre-coitus dialogue with them, all the while brushing his nappy chest hair above his open to the navel shirt (?!!) with a wig brush (?!!) as he was talking. WTF?!

This film was "written" and "directed" by some dude named Jean-Claude La Marre , who is a repeat offender on the horrible Black Cinema list. He has brought us such classics as "Don't Touch Me If You Ain't Prayed", "Gang Of Roses", "Voodoo Curse", and "Nora's Hair Salon".

Two abhorrently dismal hair salon movies? Someone arrest this man before he writes/produces/directs again!