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Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Where's Martin Scorsese When You Need Him?

Okay, so I posted this video last week about the Blockbuster Black Movie Section, and these dudes were reviewing these bootleg movies, and talked about one called "The Watermelon Heist". I thought it would be fun to laugh at, cause you knew it was gonna be like some high school play. you ever seen a movie so bad that you can't even laugh at it? A movie that defies description and what your eyes are seeing? A movie that any self-respecting 4th grader can write in their sleep, but was still made anyway? This is that movie.

It is the story of Nicodemus Brown, who calls himself "Nicca Brown" and his welfare check waitin' goes downhill from there, culminating with a 2 minute appearance by Rudy Ray (Dolemite) Moore, who looks like a corpse in a suit and hat. And since it was based on a "true story" (that term is surely twisted to hell in this one) of John Amos' father, starred John Amos, and was "directed" by John Amos' son, K.C. Amos, I will be kind and simply say that this is the worst film I have ever seen in my life.

Instead I will focus on one of the oddities in this movie, Red Grant (he's the one with the watermelon in the back of the first picture). Who is this dude? I first saw him in the second worst move I've ever seen, "So Fresh, So Clean-Tidey Whitey Cleaners". This movie, supposedly set in Oakland, CA, made me ashamed to admit I grew up there.

In the w-list movies I've seen him in, I always marveled at how he got work...he makes Forest Whitaker look like The Rock in the face.....check out his names in the movies he's been in: "Horny", "Forty Ounce", "Ringworm" and "Greg Rant" (genius). Add "Leprechaun in the Hood" co-starring Ice-T and Coolio to his illustrious accomplishments.

There aren't too many pictures of him available on the net, but when I see how he looks in real life, he is not so scary to look at (unless his pictures are airbrushed). Why he chooses to look the way he does in his films...well, maybe he's a method actor. Yeah, that's it.


Mrs. Grapevine said...

That's just wrong in ever sense of the word, "The Watermelon Heist - talk about shucking and jiving.

justjudith said...

lol. that was one of the funniest posts ever. you are much braver in your movie choices than i am. i'd never watch that.

Jennifer said...

Yeah, I totally wept like Peter when I found out that JAMES EVANS was a part of this crap. But I can't believe you sat down and WATCHED it. I mean...did you lose a bet or something?

Invisible Woman said...

Yeah guys, the sacrifices I make so you won't have to....I'm like the Marines, the first one in at the risk of death, which films like The Watermelon Heist make me wish for, haha

Amias said...

... well IW, the good side to these bad movies are, black folks getting paid. But darn, they are bad!

Invisible Woman said...

bad is the understatement of the year!

belledame222 said... you ever seen a movie so bad that you can't even laugh at it?

Yes, pretty much anything by M. Night RamalamaDingDong, at least post that first movie with the creepy kid in it. "The Lady in the Water?" oh. muh. gahd.

this sounds quite choice too, if in a totally different way...