I Present To You Blogxilla.....

Hello all....for those of you not familiar, there is a spicy blogger out there by the name of Lamar Valentine, aka Blogxilla. I've been reading his blog for a while now, and while I don't always agree with what he says, my man always keeps it hilarious and cringeworthy...he is sometimes salty to the point that it makes even me blush, no easy task, I gotta tell ya.

I am one of the stops on his World Blog Tour, and it is a pleasure to have him....he is one of the the realest. Please welcome my guest blogger, and check him on the regular at http://www.blogxilla.com/scribes/. He recently won a Black Weblog Award for Best New Blog (popular vote); find out why.....North Cacalaka and Atlanta stand up!

SORRY MS. JACKSON

as told by Blogxilla

On one of the most controversial blogs ever, 13 Reasons To Avoid Single Mothers, my brother stated that one reason not to date a single mother was the double heart break. Meaning you not only break up with the girl you've been seeing but her kid as well. But I was talking to my homegirl Necole Bitchie, and I was like 'wow I've dealt with some bum broads in my lifetime' and well, frankly I feel sorry for their kids and the dudes they're seeing now. I won't call out names, but I'll put them into categories:

The Ghetto Gurl - This is the girl who grew up, still lives in and doesn't want to leave, the hood. They are most likely hooked on weed and drugs, has a felony or are on probation and has a name their mother made up in between pulls of crack rock with Pookie from New Jack City; (Shaniquanisha, Shadiamond, or Kisha**).

** Sidenote**
These are like the black version of Cab Driver Names

Pros - Section 8 rent, the hook up on good weed, knock off clothing, and free cable. They tend to give it up fast-mostly after a night of getting to the club at 10 to get in free and getting drunk off someone else's dollar. They're funny and know everything possible about ever reality show ever produced.

Cons - One of their baby daddy's still shows up to the house unannounced, the other one is about to get out of jail, and the other one is nowhere to be found and she's tries to pin that kid on you. You're her main source of income, after the 10th of the month she's broke. More dudes ran up in her than that Underground Railroad, the NFL & NBA put together.

The Dependant Chick - This chick is the most irrational being known to the human race. They are most likely to blame everything on the dude or whoever else is in their vicinity. They probably been living off someone since their mother kicked them out of the house at 16. They yell, argue, and complain about everything in the world.

Pros - They can cook b/c eating out is not an option to them unless someone is taking them out.

Cons - They can't keep a job, whine and complain, and after the sex is over they get on your nerves. They always need something, and they specialize in arguments over stupid stuff like why it doesn't snow in the south and what kind of dish liquid is better. And I'm not talking discussion, I'm talking full blown 'I'm bout to punch you in the mouth' arguments.

The Confused Chick - This is the chick who been heartbroken so many times that it makes Halle Berry and J-Lo look like relationship GURU's. So after numerous breakups, abusive relationships, and One Night Stands, she is now confused about everything from love, sex, what to watch, whether to turn left or right and even if she should walk through the door or open it first.

Pros - Other than sex... I don't think there is none.

Cons - They'll play head games with a dude, tell him they love him one minute and then take it back. Think of a little kid playing the throw it on the floor game. They might leave a dude for a girl, they speak in tongues and think of religion like an ex- convict. Famous Confused Chicks would be Lauren Hill, Erykah Badu and Macy Gray.

From IW: What do you dear readers make of all this?