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Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Snoop "The Cribkeeper"


OK...I'm gonna see Sharon Jones and The Dap Kings tonight, so it's just one post today...but aren't you lucky...it's about black zombies and the like...

I read about this first film a few months ago while getting a pedicure and perusing the shop "Sister 2 Sister". I thought about viewing it and writing about it for this blog, but as low budget j-list as I sometimes go, even I have limits. Fortunately for you, in steps The Musings Of An Eccentric Diva to pinch-hit and write a review on this one, haha:


MOVIE REVIEW: Snoop Dogg's Hood Of Horrors 2006

Snoop Dogg’s contribution to the horror anthology genre with a hip hop twist. Segment one-Crossed Out: Graffiti artist Posie (Daniella Alonso) runs afoul of some rival taggers. Trying to escape them she bumps into a mystical homeless man (Danny Trejo) who grants her powers of life and death. With her new found trick, she exacts revenge on her enemies one by one. Segment two-The Scumlord: A racist trust fund kid (Anson Mount) and his bimbo wife must spend a year in a squalid apartment building formerly owned by his deceased dad and now inhabited by Black Vietnam vets who have no other refuge. In true redneck fashion, he tortures and humiliates the vets until he crosses the line. Segment three-Rhapsody Askew: Sod (Pooch Hall) and Quon (Aries Spears)meteoric rise to fame as rap stars is cut short after Quon is shot and killed in a botched robbery attempt. Now a solo act, Sod is on top of the game again. But a few visitors from the past arrive to scare the “hell” out of him. Will Posie’s misuse of power cause her to be crossed out? Will Tex and his wife become casualties of war? Will Sod’s new-found fame as a solo artist grant him a one-way ticket to hell? No more spoilers from me y’all!

Trust, I did not watch this for the Snoop element. Snoop is a one-man minstrel show, I’m so sick of him. I read somewhere this film was actually pretty decent besides the low budget so I decided to give it a try. Also what drew me in is the film was released by Xenon Entertainment, the company responsible for the Rudy Ray Moore classics such as Dolomite and The Human Tornado. The stories were a bit convoluted but I’m sure the writers were not going for Oscar-caliber dialogue, they just wanted to entertain. The movie begins with an anime cartoon retelling the story of how Snoop became the Cribkeeper. The Cribkeeper is the narrator of each story and appears along with his vampire bitches at the end of the segment to provide the moral of the story. Snoop looks ridiculous with blond French braids, this cat looks damn near 90 years old. Excessive weed smoking takes a toll on your looks I guess. The first story Crossed Out, did not make much sense but it featured one of the coolest death scenes I’ve seen in a while. The second story, The Scumlord, was the most entertaining of the series, it was a riot and it was good to see Ernie Hudson of Ghostbusters fame in a film again, he is aging gracefully (take notes Snoop). Anson Mount was hilarious as the evil redneck landlord. The third story, Rhapsody Askew was blah….nothing really memorable except a few funny lines by comedian Aries Spears. Jason Alexander (AKA George Costanza from Seinfeld) must have really needed a job, it’s hard out here for a blimp I guess. The gore element for this film was high, there were great gross-out moments and they were decently executed on a low budget. The anime also added a really cool touch. I went into this movie not expecting much and I got what I bargained for. I was entertained and I can certainly say it wasn’t the worst film I’ve ever seen.

VERDICT: 2 Soul Claps


From IW: It took me a minute to get who "Pooch" Hall was (one of those football dudes from "The Game"). And Jason f'n Alexander? Damn. I'm hoping he did this just for the irony of working with Snoop, cause I know he didn't spend all that "Seinfeld" money shopping for clothes. And why does somebody named "Danny Trejo" get top billing over him?

This was supposed to be in theaters in May, but I'll let you figure out why it went straight to DVD instead...if you watch the clip, I'm sure it won't take you long:




Anyhoo, here is a bonus ditty--"Hood Of The Living Dead". It was supposedly filmed in Oakland, CA, though it looks like it was filmed in any ghetto project across the U.S. (i.e. Marcy, Caprini Green, "The Fif ", etc.) by Day Day an' nem across the street. My suspicions grew even larger as I saw everyone has on an A's cap or something specific to Oakland as if to say "This is Oakland!!" Don't be representin' my home town with this mess, especially if you are off in Camden, NJ or something:
warning:some parts extremely gross and graphic


If you want to see or know more about Black horror movies, go to the appropriately named "blackhorrormovies.com".

9 comments:

Regina said...

I'm mad that anyone would watch a movie with snoop in it, especially a supposedly scary movie... uuggh!

Baby Please said...

Yeah; Ima pass on this one.

MrsGrapevine said...

I wouldn't watch this movies if it was on a 14 hour flight. I wouldn't watch this movie if I were in prison and it was movie night.

Shelia said...

I honestly don't know what to say, it's like they have money to burn and feel like, what the hell, let's combine pimpin' and horror and see what we come up with, LOL! Un-believe-able!

Thembi said...

Oh come on...I know Danny Trej by sight...that ol crusty wrinkled Mexican dude who looks like the scary janitor in mad horror movies...he's actually the biggest star they got!

DB said...

just the cover alone makes me know that i don't want to see this. especially since i'm fresh off of trying to watch "Who's Your Caddy", only to hit eject after 15 minutes. one minstrel movie exposure per week is all i can stand.

Invisible Woman said...

@ shelia, regina, baby please and MGV; no disrespect to Eccentric Diva, I'll pass on this too (unless it's on cable!)

@Thembi: from your comment I remembered who he was, but i still don't think he should have billing over George Castanza!

@DB lmao at your on "Caddy" here and on your blog...I feel ya.

Julia_Claudine_Deveraux said...

Y'all are funny! A few years ago you couldn't melt me down and pour me into a seat to watch something like this. For some reason I'm scouring out the worst in bad Black cinema. I have a few more zingers to watch in my Netflix cue. I could've done without the Snoop element but it really wasn't the worst movie I've ever seen.

The Eccentric Diva

Invisible Woman said...

I might get up the guff to see it soon...