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Thursday, December 4, 2008

Randomonium....

Okay, just want to get some thoughts out; bear with me.

I was changing channels and went past some skinny blond b*tch tryna sing. It looked like a big production, and I wondered what big show would have some chick on there that wouldn't even make it through an American Idol audition.

Turns out it was that chick Taylor Swift at the Grammy Nominations Concert. WTF???! A number one album, tons of accolades and awards, and that b*tch sings like Kim on Real Housewives Of Atlanta? I'm tellin' ya, YT has huge balls of steel...it is the same syndrome that has folkses going bananas over Britney's Spears' comeback.... sometimes I hate America...

Excuse me if I'm a bit grouchy--it did nothing to help that I had to wait an hour (after getting some fancy stuff done to my nails for freaking 2 1/2 hours) for a screening of "The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button" yesterday. Listen people, I mention your stuff on my blog, for free and without you even asking 99% of the time. Could you at least send a screener DVD to a Negress?

Adding to my surliness is the fact that I'm in Oakland, and it has been cold as a polar bear's weenie. Los Angeles it ain't.

Anyhoo, rant over, on to Black Cinema stuff...

I was shocked to see Bow Wow was on the list of "Sexiest Men Alive" (just one more reason why that the list is completely laughable). I saw this video on another blog, and was deeply disturbed by it. It is a clip of Bow Wow in a sex scene on "Entourage". To my female readers, please tell me, how sexy is this to you?



Here is the plot to "Beverly Hills Cop Part 4" if you care. From Filmwad:

The whole problem with another Beverly Hills Cop movie is that the basic idea that Axel Foley is this rough and tumble Detroit cop who is a fish out water in upscale Beverly Hills is played out. He's done a lot of time in Beverly Hills. In this movie they mention that they teach his cases at the police academy and that a restaurant had an Axel Foley sandwich on the menu! (It's been renamed the Timbaland) Axel Foley knows his way around LA better than his new partner on the case who was born there.

That new partner is Goodwin, a fat rookie with low self-esteem who has a crush on a lady cop in the facial recognition department. When he's not solving the mystery of who tossed Billy out the window, Axel is playing matchmaker with these two. He's also teaching Goodwin how to be a better cop. It's like the Axel Foley Finishing School.

Along with Goodwin, Axel teams up with a limo driver named Elliot, who is the wise cracking comic relief. You wouldn't think you would need comic relief in an Eddie Murphy movie, but Axel Foley has no funny lines. I don't know if Brandt and Haas wrote the character unfunny to give Eddie room to ad lib or if they just think having him drop f-bombs every third line is the height of laughs, but Axel Foley is pretty much a Terminator in this movie. He just keeps moving forward no matter what like a shark in the water trying to find out who killed Billy.

From IW: There was more, but I fell asleep before I finished reading it.


Speaking of falling asleep, a big thank you to reader Madame Z (not) for pointing out a film to me called "Constellation", which also had Premium co-stars Hill Harper and Zoe Saldana involved in a love relationship. They weren't the central characters of the story, as it was a disjointed ensemble piece, but holee nuclear bombs, Batman, this movie was bad.

First take Billy Dee Williams, who slowly walked around the movie and mumbled all of his lines like he was in a Colt 45 stupor.


Add Rae Dawn Chong, whom I haven't seen in years, looking like 10 miles of bad road, as they say.

Combine Hill Harper giving these weird, long, pensive looks to everyone, a convoluted storyline about a woman who was intensely in love with a man for 50 years but never let him see her, despite his begging, Melissa De Sousa with 13 packs of Yaki, and poor YT Lesley Anne Warren looking completely lost and uncomfortable.

Add extremely liberal amounts of sap, dramatic "feel melancholy" string music, tons of drawn out sentimental flashbacks, and once promising Glenn Plummer playing "Man At Barbeque" and you have this movie.

I should mention that the film is about an estranged family who reunites to attend a funeral of a relative (Gabrielle Union). Secrets are revealed, broken relationships are mended, forgiveness is given, and everyone is healed, except the viewer, who has lost 2 valuable hours of their life.


Can I say what is the deal with Gabrielle Union? I have no problem with her, but her acting is so very, very lightweight, and I've never seen her seem genuine, even for a second. But she's always working, so I guess I have to give her some credit. I guess.


18 comments:

clnmike said...

Lol, I wish I could get mad at you for taking shots at Billy Dee and company but your right, damn it!!

Only thing I can say in their defense is that they got to work.

Who am I kidding thats getting old too.

SolShine7 said...

So I'm not the only one who felt that Constellation was a mess. The concept was intriguing but watching it was a task. It would have been better if they dropped the contemporary part and just beefed up Gabrielle Union's storyline.

madame z said...

From the bottom up:

Constellation - so glad you finally saw it. A hot ass mess, wasn't it? I was soooo disappointed! And Billy Dee... I swear the man forgot his lines on more than one occasion. This could've been a good film; hell even great (though that's stretching it), but there's lots of 'coulda-woulda-shoulda' in Hollywood, isn't there? *sigh*

@ Solshine,

I agree. I thought the movie would've focused more on Gab's part and old dude. But they just barely had screentime! I did enjoy seeing Zoe (love her) and Hill (lust him).

Beverly Hills Cop 4 - I couldn't make it past the sandwich being renamed a "Timbaland". *dead and dying* at this.

Bow Wow - is just barely on any kind of radar for me, lately. I can't get pass 'the little boy image' no matter how many tats he gets or how many times he appears on Entourage.

Benjamin Button - How was it?

Taylor Swift - Oy! Teen mania! That's all I can say. Everybody wants another young, cute, superstar. Miley Cyrus comes to mind. People love a trainwreck, hence Britney and YT is more likely to give YT another chance than say if it was Whitney or Janet f*cking up. But in terms of talent, why is Rihanna so huge? No hate, really, but I've seen her perform and it's like she's half asleep and not interested, yet she's receiving nominations and awards and...bump talent, where's the ZEAL and appreciation??? At least Taylor seems 'interested' when she performs. LOL

bluebird said...

um...Taylor Swift was a mess...I say she's a decent singer, but can't do live performances...wow

And how old is Bow Wow? Is he even old enough to have sex? That was quite disturbing...and I feel sorry for woman who was on top...awkward...I wonder what she puts on her resume'?

Marvalus said...

I think I'm mad at you for that Bow Wow clip...seriously...

I'll be back when I can clear that image out of my mind...

Sergio said...

I saw Constellation almost two years ago and I felt it was a failure. But I could see what the director was aiming for. Unfortunately, he just didn't have the chops to pull it off

As for Gabby, I've always felt that her biggest problem has been that baby face of hers. She's got a face of like a cute, little 16 year old girl. It makes it hard for me to take her seriously. I always want to say even time I see her, go away and come back when you're grown up. Needless to say, she's the only weak thing in Cadillac Records as Muddy Waters' put upon wife. All she does in the film is cry a lot

Urban Thought said...

Since when does the Grammy's have a concert along with a red carpet ceremony of sorts? I caught a glimpse of the spectacle on the tube in the lobby. What happen to the simple news conference?

How was Benjamin Button? If you actually reviewed it I missed up. But then again, you may not have because it lacks some sort of pigment. Am I right? Let me know if it was good or not.

Sounds like Beverly Hills cop will be seen at some point when it hits the small screen or is downloaded for free... Along with Constellation... the latter based on your review.

I like me some G Union. I've met her in person and she is cool. However, I think her acting chops need some expanding. Maybe if she can leave black cinema alone and go off and do a white drama. Probably sad for me to say but all I see her in is Negro films.

The Obenson Report said...

I've never understood the popularity of Entourage. It does absolutely nothing for me.

Constellation was a pile of doo-doo. Jordan Walker-Pearlman is the writer/director. His first film, The Visit which had a similar cast, wasn't as bad, but still stunk! He's got some good ideas, and seems genuinely well-meaning; but his execution leaves a lot to be desired. Yet, someone, or some people keep giving him money to make these films. Gene Wilder is his uncle, by the way.

I posted something about Gabrielle Union a few days ago. She's got a TV show in the works, in which she plays a detective. It's being co-created with a former writer/producer of the X-Files.

Sergio said...

@ Obenson

THE VISIT! That's right I knew that director had made an earlier film I had seen but I couldn't remember the name. That was it.

And as I recall I saw the original longer version of the film before the shorter re-edited version he released. I agree with you, the director means well but the exeuction falls way short

Keli said...

Ok...I thought it was just me that felt that Gabrielle Union is a lightweight, GU is not a strong actress, all of her characters are the same, and the way she holds her mouth annoys the heck out of me.

Tafari said...

There is so much hot mess in this post, I am afraid to comment.

That Bow Wow scene was a mess.

Tafari

Fnique11 said...

How was Benjamin Button and have you seen Doubt??

I feel like everyone is so focused on Beyonce, that they forget that there are other Black actresses that are more likely to get a lot of love and actually win this awards season, like Viola Davis and Taraji P. Henson. Viola is seriously getting raves for her role in Doubt.

Invisible Woman said...

@clnmike: LMAO :-) You're right, that excuse don't cut it no mo.

@solshine; i agree they should have shown more about the interracial love story and her challenges.

@madame z: taylor was interested, yes, but if that's the best we get these days we are in trouble!

constellation might have been good with a different (maybe black) director...i don't know--is the director bi-racial? i know he is gene wilder's nephew. billy was horrible!

about tccobb; it was...meh. ok. but i was expecting to be all of the things "doubt" probably is.

@bluebird: well ya know, even i can sing in a studio! :-) i think if someone can really sing, they'd be able to put it down in any situation...

LMAO about the "woman on top"! all i can say is glad is wasn't me, for reals.

Invisible Woman said...

@ms m: sorry, i felt the same way...had to take some folks down with me! lol

@sergio: i don't know if it's just her face--i think it's the fact the expression on it is the same in every movie. i'm getting pretty tired of her, to be quite honest.

zoe looks real young too, but at least her face has some real expression. what do you think about her?

@urban: "Since when does the Grammy's have a concert along with a red carpet ceremony of sorts?" I thought the same thing, and LL looked scary!

tccobb wasn't what i expected, but i will post a review closer to the opening.

@obenson: entourage is very, VERY LA; i guess a new yorker wouldn't really be checking for it, esecially a Negro one :-)

i had read that was gene wilder's nephew--nepotism would explain a lot. but maybe he could to something much better if he studied under someone talented for a while...

Invisible Woman said...

@keli: i was saying in a comment above her expressions are the same in every single movie...it is definitely wearing more than thin...

@tafari: tafari speechless? say it ain't so...one for the record book! haha

@Fnique11: hi there :-) tccobb was what i thought "doubt" probably is...it wasn't what i expected, and i thought it would be better. viola davis is the one i want to see!

Josh said...

You're a racist moron. Look at you, bitching about mediocre white talent. As if mediocre black talent is fawned over. Take a look at black American cinema if you want to see lousy talent. The fact of the matter is that filmmaking is a white art form that is trying to be appropriated by blacks. There are only a hand full of talented black filmmakers. The list of great white filmmakers are endless:

Invisible Woman said...

@josh: whatever dude. lol!

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