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Tuesday, October 13, 2009

I Heart Bokeem Woodbine....

Yes, I never, ever, ever thought I would actually have that phrase in my life in any capacity, but after reading his Twitter page, and LMMFAO for about 20 minutes, he just may have to replace Terrence Howard as the beloved to warm the cockles of Ms. Invisible's semi-cold heart.

Perusing his love for such fine cuisine as steak-um burgers, White Castle, spam and eggs, hot dogs and eggs, fried eggs and Carolina sausage, and hot dogs and cheese whiz, I came upon gems like this (sorry so low-tech can't do screenshots):

I just ate a mayo sandwich and kool-aid water. We dont have no sugar n shit. I took a Now and Later and put it in the bottom of the glass

From IW: Love it! He is real with his, and I am now, and forever will be, a stan. Check these others out--I almost choked on my Chardonnay....

I was at Jimbos last night and I seen Tommy Davison tweekin out. Being loud and sweating all nasty. He was rubbing his nipple and shitI scowled at that fool and he yelled at me in his Sammy Davis voice. Lay off the drugs. Tell Rosie Perez that shit too. She a bag lady on41st. She be out there holding doors askin for change. I told her ass to get a job. No one wants to hear her talk though she sound likeAn episode of the nanny dubbed over with that SAP telemundo shit. Ondelay your ass to an agent and do some work. No I can't spare changeJust for jokes I called Jada P and asked to be on Hawthorne. She hung up on me. That's why her shit is tanking. I could save that shit.Call me cap'n save a show. No one wants to see her in that bad hair track and her 90 degree angle chin "acting". I got skills dammitMan screw Chris Brown and his nations of Islam bean pie ass bowtie. He's not a real man. You're told from jump not to hit girls. You knewI cant stand these damn skinny jeans guys are wearing today. I dont need to see your ball sac in 3D nigga! 1 cat had on pants so tightI think i saw the hair on his balls as well. That's some nasty shit. Making me feel all unsure about myself because I couldnt take my eyesOff of that shit. He gonna ask me for an autograph next. I gave that mothafucka the scowl of death. I been working on that shit likeZoolander. He backed the hell up off me, him and his balls. I think i could actually see the sperms swimming around and shit.I'm finna call up Allen Payne and see if he wanna use some of that house of Payne money to take a nigga to Tavern on the Green.

and finally this:

I just searched my name on here and I/m mad as hell. Scowling so hard my lips hurting and shit. People got nerve.


Marvalus said...

This dude is wild! This is some of the funniest ish I've read in a while...

Tafari said...

Now he is funny & that is my type of humor. Tripped out thing is that I was talking about condiment sandwiches last week on Twitter.

And I so feel him on them bitch ass skinny jeans!


Max Reddick said...

What is Bokeem doing now professionally? I haven't seen him on the big screen or the small screen in a while now.

Anonymous said...

i told ubm if i was on twitter i would have nothing but dumb stuff to say all day. i haven't been on bokeem much i think it's his roles. i'm still gonna put dead presidents at the top of his best films list.

somady said...

he is still acting. i worked on an indie feature where he was one of the leads. we shot in 07. saw the screening in february. the film was hot garbage. he was good in it but the film should never see the light of day.

so perhaps he is only working on shit projects.

Lenox Ave said...

Bokeem is crazy! Love him big time.

Issa Rae said...

OMG, that Now & Later twit had me rollin involuntarily for like 5 minutes. I never knew he was so funny ... and bitter. HILARIOUS.

Nicole said...

That skinny jeans comment was dead on! I just don't get that shit! You see it all the time here in NYC! wow, Jada hung up on him? Don't get me started on her...

Anonymous said...

I don't think this is really him, he went to a posh private school. I highly doubt he would speak or write like the tweets but it is funny.

Anonymous said...

Here is talking

A certain bunch of people are really excited for Black Dynamite and they are really excited (in the wrong kinda way).

Camille Acey said...

i don't think this is him. but it's funny nonetheless.

Invisible Woman said...

@ms M: i know right? i was rollin'!

@tafari: i thought i remembered u talkin ish about skinny jeans--you 2 definitely have the same humor

@max: i really don't know (too lazy to look it up) but i do know that's he's in black dynamite. not bad.

@MLM: i really think that you should get on twitter--i thought the same thing u did, now i love it. plus u need all the negro connection u can get all up in!

@somady: thanks for that u want to name the project? i would be interested to know...

Invisible Woman said...

@lenox ave: i do now too, after i read that. i really hope it was him and not some perp

@issa rae: co sign 100%! he's like a hip-hop little richard, w/o the gayness, lol :-)

@nicole: he also said will and jada asked him to work on a project, and told him to close his gap, so he was like f.u.--don't know what to believe, but all i know is that it's funny as hayell.

@jayceel (hey where you been?!!) and camille: i really, really hope it's him or i'll be crushed. one thing i do know is that you have to be pretty intelligent to be that funny. i have to admit tho, the posh private school is quite a surprise....

Tafari said...

Because I love you so, here is a little nugget for you to laugh at or enjoy.


Lila Brown said...

Wow, he is going off! LMAO! I loved him in Black Dynamite.

Anonymous said...

what a great movie i simply love it a lot, maybe my favorite one.

Melinda Watson

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