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Thursday, September 20, 2007

Apollo Creed and The Negro Justice League....

This review of the classic "Action Jackson" weighs in from one third of the league, Supernegro:

Action Jackson: Breeding Ground of Mediocrity

By all accounts Action Jackson is a bad movie; even if you list the flick as among your bad movie night faves (as I do), the unnecessary boobage, cartoon violence, and unbelievable stunts - such as Carl Weathers outrunning a speeding taxi - pushes this movie from the realm of the action to '80s super-cheese.

Although the movie may have sunk Carl Weathers' shot at a successful solo movie career, Action Jackson was the breeding ground - or is that cesspool? - for developing the careers of a couple of Tinsel Town noobs, while highlighting the veteran ability of others.

[Following are] some of the semi-bigtimers who help funk this stinker up:

Bill Duke
A year after he tore up the jungle hunting an invisible alien in Predator, The Dukester donned a suit and glasses as Captain Armbruster in Action Jackson. While Carl Weathers may have gotten the top billing, Duke's imposing presence and deranged eyes kind of made you hope that he'd reach across his desk and bleed Jackson real quiet and leave him there. But he didn't. Which sucked.

Sharon Stone
Sharon Stone is only good at two things: keeping her non-acting mouth shut and showing her tits. In Action Jackson, she doesn't have many lines and flashes her teets, making for an all-around stellar performance by the future Basic Instinct star. Note: In a typical bout of Hollywood shenanigans to make this movie more palpable to White audiences, Sharon Stone's face engulfs the entire movie poster, totally dwarfing Weathers and Vanity. Note Again: Her character's two-bit, dying half-through the film.

Craig T. Nelson
Craig T. Nelson is known for three things: starring in Poltergeist, starring in Coach, and starring in pure shite between those two ventures. Nelson is Action Jackson's antagonist, a pseudo-mob boss/car manufacturer/kung-fu master (no joke) who controls a squad of ninja-like goon that bump off the heads of other auto-makers. Some would perceive him to be a cold-hearted bastard for clapping his own wife, but considering Sharon Stone's ability, I welcomed by murderous ninja-boss.

When I was 13, Vanity was the hottest woman on the planet, at least according to my adolescent penis. But looking back at her at her portrayal of Sydney Ashe, Craig T. Nelson's walking glory hole, drug addict, and singer, I deem her the anti-sexy. Not only is her dialogue stiff, but her dancing looks like what would happen if she simultaneously had a heart attack, stroke, and a seizure. Twinkle toes she ain't.

De'Voreaux White
Although he's best known as Bruce Willis' chauffeur in Die Hard, White had other outstanding roles in his long Hollywood career: he excelled as the crackhead Lucky in Trespass, one of the many nerds in Head of the Class, and in Action Jackson've sincerely forgotten which character he was, which speaks volumes in regards to his role selection.
- Jay Wilson

From I.W: I remember a couple of things about this movie....

-It was filmed in my hometown of Oakland, CA. I saw a couple of scenes being shot, and remember Carl Weathers walking around like he was God's gift to creation...I marveled at how he didn't know how ridiculous he looked with eight pounds of orange Fashion Fair pancake make-up and enough eyeliner to make Mary Kay proud.

-I had an associate who bragged to anyone who would listen that she had lunch with Carl on the set, and remember thinking "who gives a f__k?" No haterade involved whatsoever.

And really, what happened to De'Voreaux White? He was kinda weird to me, and the fact that he made out on "Head of the Class" with Richard Pryor's daughter Rain made him even more so (tho he looked like he hated every minute of it). Milk carton alert anyone?
Damn-this was the only picture I could find of him..when he was a kid in "The Blues Brothers". Is he still alive?


Amias said...

IW, I said to myself you got to be joking, there must be a photo De'Voreauz White as an adult, after all he has played in a few movies ... so I went searching and could not find a one, except the one you have. Yes, we need a milk carton for him, because he seem to have just disappeared. Hell, I couldn't even find a good bio.

belledame222 said...

damn! that's quite a facial expression...

Invisible Woman said...

@both comments: I know, right?

Anonymous said...

Basic instinct was sexy