F*ckery All Around Me...

I know my posting has been spotty. The truth is, I've finished a transition back to the Bay Area to be closer to my parents, and I miss L.A. terribly...I will probably have to have residences in both places to keep everyone happy, the main person being me.

The weather has been atrocious in the Bay; cold, rainy, windy--the kind of weather that puts me in a deep, grouchy funk, as I am very, very much a sunshine person. I think my blogging has been affected as well...but fear not--I have come out of my cave for a moment to comment on some of the f*ckery that keeps slapping me in the face, haha.


How can I not say anything about the severe and unmitigated f*ckery that is Samuel Jackson? After being the super-overexposed version of Beyonce in the movie biz, he seems to want to dare us to hate him. He has signed on to do 9, yes nine, yes IX more pictures as the character Nick Fury. Is there anyone in life we want to see that much? I would saw off someone's foot to get close to Dwayne The Rock Johnson, but even I wouldn't want to see him in nine freaking pictures playing the same character. Just boo!


Also on my grouch radar is Tyler Perry. I said to myself that I wasn't going to dedicate anymore space to his projects except for straight reportage, but gawtdayum, a movie version of "I Can Do Bad All By Myself"? What next--Stepin Fetchit on Parade? I mean, that play was all sorts of funny, but it puts the chitlin', fatback, and hog maws in chitlin' circuit.


Speaking of chitlins, for some crazy Black History f*ckery, check out Thembi's post on white (and Black) America's tributes to our so-called history and tastes. True WTF?!? shenanigans if you ever saw it!


I kept silent about Slickback's stupid statement about the Chris Brown/Rihanna debacle (my advice still stands to only speak through a publicist, Terrence), and it is even more stupid as he was arrested for the exact same thing a few years back.

But what is this that Chris Brown was to star with Fantasia as Harpo in the Washington D.C. stage play version of "The Color Purple" (which he has been dropped from)? Remember this line? "You told Harpo to beat me!" Ummmm...ironeeeee....


Just setting my grouch/disgust factor off the charts is Marlon Jackson's complete lunacy about building a slavery theme park, complete with golf courses, spas, etc., coupled with a Jackson family museum. How much do we really know about Marlon? I mean he has never really said much before....how do we know he might not have some mild form of autism or something like that? All signs point to it with an idea so stupid I can dedicate 3 posts to it.


And finally, just the type of f*ckery that wears one to the bone--why, Whoopi, why?


Not that her wardrobe of choice should be any surprise. Let's take a look at some of her other Oscars dress choices, yes?





Clearly this woman has never been introduced to, or been within a 50 mile radius of a stylist, ever.


Okay, rants over. Just to balance out my mid-winter crotchetiness is some good news. I will be starting a sort of West Coast version of Reelblack, showing screenings of yet to be released independant and rarely seen throwback films, along with talks with actors, directors, etc. this summer called "Black Cinema At Large". Those of you in the Bay are very welcome to hang with yours truly. Each event will be posted on this blog so stay tuned, and stay blessed :-)

No Angels Crying Here, But Maybe Hell Has Frozen Over...

Don't have much to report, but I did see "Soul Men" last night....I don't know if it was the company, or the 2 Chambord martinis, but I actually enjoyed it! (sorry, Sergio). It was like pretty much all of Malcolm Lee's films; I go in braced for the worst, and come out thinking : "That wasn't so bad after all".

Of course, that is not exactly a resounding endorsement, but I am a pretty harsh critic sometimes, so I know a great amount of the readers here will have a lot a fun with it, as they are probably less judgemental. I actually laughed out loud a few times, and Samuel Jackson's yelling wasn't all that loud, or annoying, for once (that in and of itself is worth seeing). It was also good to see that John Legend must have a huge sense of humor, and I'm starting to think Sharon Leal might have a big career in front of her. I expected to see more of Isaac Hayes, but oh well.

I say see it with minimal expectations, and you'll have a good time. Or make it an absolute definite rent.

In response to reader/blogger Paula D.'s funny comment about why folks haven't gone to see this movie:

"Girl......you know that Soul Men is the number 1 bootleg on the streets.....lol!"


I will quote Undercover Black Man:

"Whenever you buy a bootleg DVD, an angel weeps." :^(






will answer your comments from the past couple of days later today folkses.......

Add Another Bazillion To The Smith Bank Account...

Jaden Smith is the new "Karate Kid". Not huge news, but he will probably have a franchise that will make him a zillionaire before puberty.


It's good that someone is making money, cause "Soul Men" sure didn't. It made a measly 5 million dollars in it's opening weekend. Did any of you guys see it? It looks to me like only the family members of the cast were in seats...

This N' That....

Okay folks; please tell me you saw "Blackula" and "Scream Blackula Scream" last weekend on TV One. If not, for shame! :-)

I have a laundry list of things going on in Black Cinema--some of it good, some of it pure f*ckery.

First up this one:

Director John Singleton is no longer attached to direct the feature film adaptation of the 80s TV series “The A-Team,” according to Variety.

The filmmaker reportedly balked at Fox’s attempt to delay the long-gestating project for another year to allow more time for script development. The project had already been delayed multiple times due to script issues.

The Web site ComingSoon.net claims Fox is really pushing back the film to make room for an “Alvin and the Chipmunks” sequel. In either case, “The A-Team” release date has been moved from June 12, 2009 to June 11, 2010.

From IW: An A-Team remake with an underdeveloped script? Say it aint so! You know your movie is beyond tired when they push it back in favor of "Alvin & The Chipmunks 2". This is about the 99th project I've read about John Singleton starting and not finishing. 'What the problem is?' as Madea would say.


In other completely unnecessary remake news is this (thanks sergio!):

Having most recently played a dirty cop in "Lakeview Terrace," Jackson is set to star as a bad guy again in Columbia Pictures' remake of Berry Gordy's 1985 cult classic "The Last Dragon."

Jackson will play Sho'nuff, the Shogun of Harlem, a role played in the original by the late Julius Carry, whose spiel included asking ego-driven questions like "Am I the baddest mofo lowdown around this town?" Each time his gang of thugs answered, "Sho 'nuff!"

From IW: This one is co-produced by my fourth husband The RZA, which upon this news, may become one of my ex-husbands. At the very least, they should get Taimak to play Leroy Green again-he looks just as good as he did in 1985, for reals.



Speaking of Sergio and Samuel Jackson, here is Sergio's take on the upcoming movie "Soul Men" after viewing a preview screener:


'I saw Soul Men this morning at a screening and I'm sorry to say that it's shame that Bernie Mac is not around anymore because he'll never have another opportunity to make make up for the dreadful mess this film is.

It's an abysmal, unfunny, extremely tasteless movie that will stun you speechless when you see how bad it is. It's without question one of the worse films Ive seen this year, somewhere in the top three. There wasn't a single laugh or chuckle from the people in the theater when I saw it. Just stunned silence.

There's NO comic timing or pacing and dialogue, in which literally every other word is the F word, it's clumsy, awkward and just plain painful to hear. (Remember the really awful F word heavy dialogue in Eddie Murphy's Harlem Nights? Well this is just as bad or even worse) Bernie Mac is simply just plain not funny at all throughout the entire the film. I understand that he was ill while making the film and that could explain why he's somehow "off his game" in this film. Samuel L. Jackson literally just screams (as he usually does) his way through this film, yet another crappy film in his long list of crappy films that he's made in his career. And wait till you see the final big supposedly comic highlight towards the end involving Bernie, Jackson and John Legend. You (and the audience) will be astounded by how awful and tasteless it is.

Every cliche you've ever seen before about two old partners who can't stand each other but get back together (like The Sunshine Boys) are used but even more wretchedly than before. And of course there's the obligatory super nerdy white guy who wants to be cool to make black audiences feel superior to a white man because he "ain't got no rhythm".

And there's also this pathetic far-from-comic over stereotyped character of this would-be rapper/drug dealer in the film who appears in a couple of scenes who is SO painful to watch that I wanted to walk out every time he appeared in screen.

(One good thing in the entire film, maybe, for guys of my generation is a brief cameo appearance early in the film by the legendary adult film actress of the 70's and 80's Vanessa Del Rio but of course she wasted too)

What even bothers me more is while watching it is that once again I felt that black cinema is in very sorry state of affairs. Medicine for Melancholy excluded, if this is what we're getting then there just shouldn't be any more black films, period. I would be happy and content just watching comic book superhero movie.

Next time I see a film with the credits: "Directed by Malcolm D. Lee" I'm heading for the hills.'

From IW: Ummm...dang. I'll reserve judgement until I see it (won't be paying tho). I'm seeing it cause of Isaac Hayes and the association with Malcolm Lee, whose career is starting to look a little dicey, at the very least.


Speaking of dicey moves, there is an online petition to get rid of The Cheadle in "Ironman" and bring back Baby Wipes Howard. Yes, really. If you want to see it, or heaven forbid sign it, you can click HERE.


In non-Black Hollywood news, I am really sad to see that Joaquin Phoenix has decided to quit acting for good. I saw "We Own The Night" last night, and really enjoyed it. It was a great cops and criminals action/suspense thriller, in which he co-starred with Robert Duvall and Mark Wahlberg. With so few real actors around, and folks like Robert Duvall and DiNiro getting older, it is sad to see someone like Joaquin leave, while Marky Mark keeps making movie after movie. I've always found that dude so wooden, and he looks and acts exactly the same way in every single film he's in. *sigh*


In other news, Elijah Kelley seems to be venturing from his brand new career in acting to writing/directing already. After getting rave reviews in "Hairspray" and landing a role in one of the supposed 3 biographical films of Sammy Davis, Jr. (what happened to those anyway?) he debuts with a project called "Who Killed Bishop Brown". It is described thusly:

'A scandalous romp filled with church politics, sexual tension and the untimely death of Bishop Brown. Kelley capitalizes on a style of filmmaking that has become very popular in the black community - a combination of drama, comedy, music, and morality.

Okay, here is the deal. Tyler Perry is to aspiring young black filmmakers what Quentin Tarrantino was to young white filmmakers a decade and a half ago. You can see Perry's influence throughout "Who Killed Bishop Brown." The dialogue, filmmaking and even casting choices mimic Perry’s production style.

“Who Killed Bishop Brown” is full of self-righteous dialogue, preachy messages and clumsy blocking. But it also features realistic characters and an ability to connect with the audience in a way put them in, in this film with Christian overtones.'




From IW: I'm sure Sergio will be thrilled to read this. Above is the trailer for it.....by the way, I got the info about the film from a site I discovered called "I Love Black Movies" which is filled Black Cinema movie reviews from folks that pretty much dedicate their lives to Black film and it's offshoots. It is definitely worth taking a gander, imho.

Another interesting blog worth wondering over to is IWBCAL commenter Camille Acey's "Adventures in Wheelville". In it she chronicles her life and times of being a former Brooklyn chick and now currently a one year resident of Radovljica, Slovenija (?!). Loves it.

Please check out my homie schlomie pop culture writer Michael G. Gonzales' co- project, "The Southernist". On it he describes his experiences with such elegant and intricate delicacies as chitlins and grits, haha!



Speaking of Mike G., he wrote this great comment on my post about Fred Williamson making Black Caesar:

[black caesar] is one of my favorite flicks; and the soundtrack is killer. i interviewed fred once and he told me james brown was mad, because he wanted to play the lead.

reminds me of when i read that originally, mgm wanted to cast sammy davis to play shaft...now, picture that.

From IW: James Brown as Black Caesar and Sammy Davis Junior as Shaft? I think God was directly involved in bypassing those two calamities, for sure.


And finally a huge big up to Reelblack's Michael Dennis winning CNN's IReport Film Festival. He says:

'I would like to personally thank everyone who viewed and voted for our film, which follows my grandmother's trek to vote for Barack Obama in the 2008 Pennsylvania Primary. It's been an amazing run. Since debuting at Fancypants Cinema and on Reelblack TV, we've been invited to screen in festivals in New York, LA and Charlotte, NC. The film will also screen the week of October 28 on BET-J's BLACK STORIES (along with Philly filmmaker Bianca White's short). All the comments are appreciated but there's so much more work to do. I chose the title The 13th Amendment to remind folks that there wasn't always a time when all Americans had the right of freedom. One of our greatest privileges is the Right To Vote. Please do it on November 4.'

From IW: Right on. If you'd like to see the short, you can view it HERE.

Weekend B.O.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE

October 10–12, 2008 (thanks sergio!)

1) Beverly Hills Chihuahua BV $17,511,000 Total: $52,541,000

2) Quarantine SGem $14,200,000

3) Body of LiesWB $13,120,000

4) Eagle Eye P/DW $11,015,000 Total: $70,551,000

5) Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist Sony $6,500,000 Total: $20,810,000

6) The Express Uni. $4,731,000

7) Nights in Rodanthe WB $4,610,000 Total: $32,366,000

8) Appaloosa WB $3,340,000 Total: $10,886,000

9) The Duchess ParV $3,322,000 Total: $5,620,000

10) City of Ember Fox $3,200,000

11) Fireproof Gold. $3,189,000 Total: $16,924,000

12) Lakeview Terrace SGem $2,650,000 Total: $36,197,000

From IW: The Ernie Davis Story aka "The Express" at 4 million. Wow. But you know good and well thick-headed Hollywood won't get the message for the 20th time that no one is checking for this ish. One reader, "anonymous" (sorry) sums it up well:

"Now it's Louis Armstrong. I swear, this shit never ends. Black actors always have to play real people in order to land a meaty script (and an Oscar nod), because nobody will write them a comparable part based in fiction. And it's not only our entertainers who've led cinematic lives, either. This overused source material only reinforces our place in society - we have no substantive contributions to make besides those of our singers and point guards. What about films concerning Frederick Douglas, James Baldwin, Mae Jemison, Mandela, etc.?"

I cosign (even tho I think there was a Mandela movie with Sidney Poitier if I'm not mistaken; too lazy to look it up right now). I have said several times that if someone can't come with an original idea for Black Cinema, there is plenty of source material out there. Plenty. I would also love to see a film about Frederick Douglas, or James Baldwin, or Harriet Tubman, or countless others that are not sports or "feel-good" related. Who do we have to f*ck to get a movie like that made? jeesh.

"Nights In Rodanthe", George C. Wolfe's film (he directed Lackawanna Blues, btw) while not a blockbuster, has done a respectable 32 million, considering the source material. This amount, however, is not respectable for the Kerry Washington/Samuel Jackson vehicle "Lakeview Terrace" with it's head throbbing ad campaign and 1000's of theatres only topping out at about 36 million. That probably paid for Samuel's salary and the catering.

On another note, "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" is doing gangbusters; even Invisible Poppy (my father) saw it. I would have thought "Blindness" would do a bit better, but since it's been called a brilliant political allegory I guess I'm not surprised America has little interest. :-( Does the fact that "The Duchess" made only 5 million in 2 weeks mean that Keira Knightley's bony ass will finally go away? One can only hope....

Some Questions...

I saw a bunch of films while I was on my hiatus a couple weeks ago. One of them was "Belly 2" (yikes!). This P.O.S. doesn't warrant a review, but all I want to know are 4 things: 1) how you gonna name something like it was a sequel, when it has absolutely ZERO to do with the first one? 2) who the f*ck keeps putting The Game in movies? Stop it! Right now! 3) isn't Shari Headley like 45? Why was she playing the young ingenue role opposite The Game? Is she still married to Play from Kid 'N Play? (two in one question)

4) what is that mess on The Game's face gonna look like when that fool is 60? Soooo many questions. Sheesh.

Tyler Perry continues his opening at #2 reign. Think he'll ever make it to number 1?

Why do people keep saying SNL's Kristen Wiig is funny? Whatever they're seeing, it is completely and totally missing me. Completely.

Why am I not excited to see "The Secret Life of Bees" despite all the Black power involved? If I get even a whiff of 'The Magical Negro Syndrome" all I hear and see is the white snow and white noise you see and hear when there is no TV reception.

Since I know maybe 2 of you will see it, did you know Jada Pinkett plays a Black lesbian in "The Women"? hmmmm......

Is anybody checking for the Kerry Washington/Samuel Jackson vehicle "Lakeview Terrace"? If any movie is begging to be bought from the blanket of the corner bootleg man it's that one.

Did you know that The Cheadle's "Traitor" was co-written by Steve Martin? Me neither.

On hiatus I also saw a bunch of movies I was on the late train on. When did Jeff Bridges, Gary Oldman, Eric Roberts, and William Hurt (i.e. Ironman, The Hulk, The Dark Knight) turn into such grizzled old men, and had the hot only a few years ago? Thank God Black don't crack, haha!

and oh yeah--madame invisible says start following her blog on blogger!

Random Movie News--Comix Edition

Bear in mind I know almost nothing about comics, and don't really care that much to find out, to be honest. But I know that lots of you out there love them, so here we go...

From beyondhollywood.com:

'Here’s [a] look at Samuel L. Jackson as The Octopus, the main villain in Frank Miller’s upcoming live-action adaptation of Will Eisner’s “The Spirit” comic books. This is not actually our first look at him, but it is our first look at him in costume, if you will, although I’m not sure if a mink coat and gloves qualifies as a “costume”, but there you have it.'

From IW: Hmmm. Anyway, there is this comic book that I've been seeing in a lot of places for free around Hollywood called "Mercy Man". I picked it up, and it turns out to be promotional material about some Latino undercover cop that they are making into a movie. It is being touted as the "first Hispanic hero to root for". I dunno so much about that, but I do know Andre Royo from "The Wire" is in it, so it might be worth a look.






What happened to Common as The Green Lantern? Maybe someone finally woke up and said "Hey guys! Listen up--ummm...I think this might not be such a great idea."


It could happen. Here is what Common has to say about folks critical about rappers taking roles away from "real actors":

‘I’m not a hip-hop dude who wants to act. I’m an artist,’ Common [said], adding that he has his eyes set on an Oscar Award. ‘The Oscar seems very prestigious,’ Common said. ‘With all due respect to the Grammys, there are more music categories and it’s easier to get a ticket to the show. Also if you look at it as someone coming from Chicago, there are only so many black artists who receive Oscars.’

From IW: An Oscar, eh? Umm, yeah...good luck with that...

Ten Films You Should See If You Love Black People

FILM 6

from the Ebony/Jet site by Jacquie Jones:

Eve’s Bayou

Kasi Lemons

The first time I saw this movie, I was honestly not too impressed. The second time, however, it got me. And I think this says a lot about the subtle power of this first feature by one of our most talented contemporary black filmmakers. This is one of the rare films that tries to reach into mystical African retentions and our nostalgia for the swampy south and actually succeeds in telling a story that feels very real and complex. It is also one of the rare films that pulls off being black and being Hollywood, albeit low budget.

From IW: This has always been in my personal top ten. For one, I love films about the supernatural---and it's black too? Over.

The clothes, the mood, the set design, the storyline, the beautiful actors...I love everything about this movie. Just wish more were made of it's caliber.

Make-Up Test For Malcolm Lee...

Maybe Malcolm Lee can make up for "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins" (which you all made crystal clear you are not feeling) with this one.

I originally wrote this blub in December:

'According to Variety, Dimension Films has set Lee to direct "Soul Men," a road trip comedy starring Samuel L. Jackson and Bernie Mac as bickering backup soul singers who haven't spoken in 20 years but reluctantly travel cross country together for a tribute concert to honor their famous former band leader.'

The cast has just been expanded to include Isaac Hayes, Jackie Long, and John Legend.

I could make some quips about John, but I'll be nice today. It's just good to see Jackie Long out there; it's been too long since "ATL".

Jackie Long = Yum

More Hollywood Shenanigans....

I'm only gonna do a couple of short posts today...it was my berffday weekend (me and the King!) and I have been practically bathing in lemondrop martinis, topped off with a Jim Beam-sponsered party last night. I don't know how those hillbillys drink that stuff. Needless to say today I am feeling the full effects of it.

I just wanted to mention this, tho, and was wondering if anyone else has noticed a trend. I saw the movie "Cloverfield" (which by the way, was a very fine piece of filmmaking.....if anyone tells you it wasn't off the hinges, they are too jaded to be going to the movies).

The previews were extremely interesting to me....there were four, and they all seemed to star the same white, bland, faceless, 23 year old girly-man as the main character. I'm serious. I could not tell if the dudes were different or the same. But what was more interesting/disappointing was that there seems to be a new type of "magical negro" sprouting.

For those of you who don't know, the "magical negro" in a film is a black character that exists solely to give the central or main white characters advice, life lessons, help, or come-uppance in a film. They seem to have no other existence or pleasure in life other than helping said YT in their journey. Examples of this are Will Smith in Bagger Vance, MCD in The Green Mile, and Scatman Crothers in "The Shining".

Anyhoo--there seems to be a new league of these coming up, but they are the "heavy"-- intimidating rather than subservient. They give the white character their come-uppance, albeit in a violent way, and they are:

-dark (which I'm fine with)

-super violent and/or menacing in every way

-completely second banana to this bland, faceless white dude

-actors that should have their own films with top billing.

The ones seen in the previews were Laurence Fishburne, Djimon Hounsou, and Samuel Jackson.

I must say that I don't believe I was making too much of viewing these previews, and what really gets me is the trailers probably contain about 10 to 15 seconds of each of them, regardless that you can tell they are very central to the story and probably get tons of screentime in the actual films themselves. What value are they placing on some of our communities most loved male actors? What kind of message are they sending out by making these films? Why are these major actors playing second fiddle to some kid I've never seen before and don't care about? WTF is up with this type of marketing in the trailers? Who are they marketing to, cause it most certainly doesn't seem to be us.

We are invisible even in the movie trailer realm. What do you guys make of this? What action should we be taking besides "witholding our dollars" which is a start, but imho not that effective of a message?


On a lighter note, for a funny caption on Digimon aka Djimon, click here.

OK, So Now I Get It....

I always wonder why Samuel Jackson takes on so many movie roles...I mean it can't be the money...is it ego? An unquenchable lust for world dominating fame? A flaming desire to be in "The Guinness Book of World Records" for most acting roles ever by a single human being?

The answer is "no" to all. Mr. Jackson simply wants to try out new hair-dos. From AOL:

When you think about it, I can't think of any other actor who has had more hair changes on the big screen than Samuel L. Jackson. From his jheri curled look in 'Pulp Fiction' to bald head in 'Shaft' to his receding hairline and white hair in 'Black Snake Moan', Jackson is certainly game for anything. In one of his upcoming films, Jackson adds another hair style to his resume as he squares off against Hayden Christensen in Doug Liman's "Jumper".

From IW: The Historical Passage Of Samuel Jackson's Hair:

Sam's Jheri Curl in "Pulp Fiction" .

Sam's baldy in one of those Star Wars movies.


Sam's old man grey receding do in "Black Snake Moan".



His "Langston Hughes" in something I never heard of.



His widow's peak dready thing in...hmmm....I don't know this one either. I think it was "The Man".

His "fried, dyed, and laid to the side" in "Eve's Bayou".

The dreads in "Caveman's Valentine".

His "serious" hair in "Changing Lanes".

You get the idea...there are many, many, more, but that would take up pages of this blog's space. Not to mention the 8,000 Kangol caps he has (I think he has 50% stock in the company). We get it Sam, but there are only so many hairstyles a black man can do. Unless you are willing to do a full fledged tranny with Yaki #5, 18 inch, just give it a rest for a while, kay?

Update: How can I forget? Regina and LaJane reminded me of his "young Frederick Douglas" (lol!) in "Unbreakable":

And his long red ponytail (with braided and beaded beard) in "Jackie Brown":