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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Top 10 Worst Black Films Of 2007

Alrighty then. Hope you guys had an awesome day yesterday, no matter what you chose to do. I was going to do one of those standard end of the year "Top 10 Best Films of 2007" lists for black film, but guess what? Surprise, surprise, I couldn't think of ten. The really sad part is I couldn't even think of five. Damn.

The big ticket black films of the year, "Why Did I Get Married?" and "American Gangster" were amusing to watch, but nothing more. The fact that they are considering Denzel's performance for a Golden Globe and other such awards just underscores how bare our cupboards are to me.

Here is to hoping 2008 will be a banner year for Black Cinema.....

Anyhoo, I did however have enough fodder for a "Top 10 Worst Black Films of 2007". Surprise, surprise, again (not). These are in no particular order, as I think they were all pretty much equally atrocious. Some of them kinda walk the line for "Black Cinema", but I included them because of their casts, their hype, and high visibility in the Black Blogosphere:

I Think I Love My Wife

When, when, when is Chris Rock finally going to get it that he does not need to ever be in a film of his own making? Just produce (and for heaven's sake no more directing!), or star in a movie that someone, anyone else, wrote. This was a remake of a non-black film that I've seen called "Chloe In The Afternoon", and it was so mangled in it's interpretation that I didn't even know it until I read that fact he can't even translate someone else's material. Here is a short clip of him talking about how he came to make this film...LMBAO acting like there was some kind of artistic thought/process behind this bulls--t:

Code Name: The Cleaner

The whole time I was watching this (and for the life of me I don't know why I watched it till the end) I kept saying to myself "Why would Cedric make this movie?". It'll be a happy day when Cedric The Entertainer finds a film or a T.V. show that matches his hilarious abilities in his stand-up. As of now--not even close. This is a clip of the one kinda (operative word kinda) funny scene in the movie. If this is the best it had to offer, you can just imagine how dismal the rest was if you haven't seen it:

The Salon

One of the most stock, stereotypical, lazy black films in quite some time, and that's saying a lot. I wrote about it here. They could've had robots make this movie and no one would have noticed the difference. Some foolio named Mike Brooks had a short clip on "youtube" and it looks like he has a very, very small part as "Street Vendor" in the film, and used this scene for his acting reel/resume. It is a perfect snapshot of everything that is wrong in this movie:

Daddy Day Camp

Cuba Gooding. A script even Eddie Murphy wouldn't touch. An already worn to death premise. 'Nuff said. Here is some New York guido with a clip called "What's Going On Cuba?" The ish is low budget and unscripted, but dude is funny as hayell and completely on point:

Confessions Of A Call Girl

Tho this one had an extremely limited release (with good reason) and zero hype, I included it anyway cause Tamala Jones was in it, as was Lynn Whitfield, who must have absolutely nothing else going on whatsoever. This movie was supposed to be a drama, but was so freakin' laughable that I think they need to rethink the genre and make it comedy. I wrote about all the painful details here. I tried to find a clip of this movie, but all that kept coming up was this tired picture, but in a way it's apropos, so here you go....for those of you who don't know, this is Karinne "Superhead" Stefans, infamous groupie, hoe, and bubblehead:

Who's Your Caddy?

What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said? It came from the "Our Stories" production company that is supposed to be our savior, and make "wholesome, family oriented films that are a reflection of us and our community" (their words). If this movie is a reflection of us, we might as well pack it in right now. The fact that this film, after all of it's extensive hype, only made $2.9 million in it's opening weekend spoke volumes. Here is a clip of some of the actors and Tracey Edmonds talking about some of the scenes like this crapfest was "Goodfellas" or something---SMH. At the end, Tracey says "This summer, there is nothing like our film coming out". Truer words were never spoken.

Perfect Stranger

Halle Berry continues to make horrible film after horrible film, but is still considered A-List. In fact, has she ever, ever, starred in a great film? In a good one? Even a decent one? I'm talking a theatrical release, not television. The state of mainstream acting seems to be that your acting abilities equate to how the public views your face. The more beautiful the perception is, the better actress you are. Makes perfect sense to me (insert sarcasm). Nicole Kidman and Keira Knightly, anyone? Here is a clever mash-up of Halle's movie and the sitcom "Perfect Strangers" with Balki:

Are We Done Yet?

Admittedly, I haven't seen this film, but the Good Lord knows I don't have to to include it on this list. Here is a so-called "Blooper Reel", which is ironic, as this is what this whole film seems to be. It also shows off Nia Long's super-amazing acting abilities:

Smokin' Aces

Not technically "Black Cinema", but a large portion of the main cast was. After the huge hype of Alicia Keys, Common, and Taraji P. Henson being in it, it was a HUGE letdown, from the beginning to the closing credits. I kept waiting for it to get better, and it never did. I didn't even feel like looking for something interesting associated with this movie, so here is the trailer:


First Sunday

I know it hasn't come out yet, but let's just get it over with to make more room for next year's list, kay? Since I posted the trailer the other day, here it is with some super dramatic music some funny genius uploaded on youtube. It changes the tone and context entirely....kinda goes back with what I say sometimes about how important a soundtrack can be to a film:

Btw, "Rush Hour 3" might've taken spots 1 through 6 if it was considered Black Cinema and not a mainstream summer blockbuster. Congrats to Ice Cube, who made this list twice.


Regina said...

Hey There IW!
I pray that your Christmas was blessed!

That is a pretty sad list you complied there..
I refused to watch #1,3,4,5,6, &7.
I bought but have not watched # 9.
And on a boring Saturday afternoon my kids and I laughed /clowned our way through #2 & 8. (We have a way of bringing our own fun to a movie)!!
If it means anything...which I'm sure it dosen't! I think "Are We Done Yet" was a whole lot better than "Are We There Yet". Not that anyone remembers either!!

Regina said...

By the way...
When I say we laughed our way through the movie I meant laughing AT the movie (from stupidity) and not laughing WITH the movie...

Just to clarify...

MsMarvalus said...

Thank goodness I didn't waste my time on none of these...I did want to see Perfect Stranger

Hope your Christmas was great!

coloredgirlswhohaveconsidered said...

BabyFace come get your!!!
It's sad to think that the same woman who gave us Soul Food when married to Edmonds, thought that 'Who's Your Caddy' was a brainstorm when she took up sleeping next to Eddie Murphy.
Hope to meet her face to face, I really need to know what she means by 'Our Stories'?...
and Chris Rock still owes me $27.17 from 2001 for Down to Earth.

Sincere said...

hey IW! gotta agree on all except Smoking Aces.. I actually enjoyed it for some reason. I agree that it was way overhyped.. Then again I take that back I agree on Smoking Aces.. the hype killed it. When did codename: Cleaners come out? I forgot all about that lame edition. You better stop talking about confessions before you get another letter!! lmao. but as always, you are on point!

Yobachi said...

There where 10 black movies out this year?

I hadn't even heard of about half of these, and didn't see any of them; though I considered seeing I Think I Love My Wife

Wanda said...

@sincere - Yea Smokin Aces was alright with me. I HATED that one character. The girl who had the crush on Alicia Keys. Very aggravating. And Common, he just seems relaxed in every damn movie he's in.

Thank you so much for the Cuba Gooding clip, IW. That made my morning. :)

MrsGrapevine said...

I thought, I Think I loved My Wife was funny as hell. It's a long way from Pootietang.

Sincere said...

I liked pootie tang!! It was a funny movie.. something to laugh at when I'm bored!!

Sincere said...

@ Wanda;
She seems aggravating in every movie I've seen her in. she killed me in baby boy, a grown a** woman sucking her thumb!! WTH

Jamal O said...

My tastes must be getting a little bit better, because I did not see not ONE of these movies.

I guess my BUllSHIT radar was working overtime when I saw the trailers and advertisements for these films.

Thanks 4 confirming playa. said...

I haven't seen the other ones but I can tell you Are We Done Yet is one of the most stupidest, assinine, sorry piece of shit film ever made... ever... on earth... in the world... in the universe.

I'm certain First Sunday will also be stupid. And if I'm wrong about this, I'll take it back on the blog.

I continue to be amused by his transformation from gangster rapper to goofball egghead.

It's quite hilarious, really.

notyouraveragecitizen said...

I haven't seen any of the films besides "Smokin' Aces" which didn't bother me much.

I guess I don't expect anything and therefore am not disappointed in much.

Damn, that sounds sad. LOL! said...

@ average citizen

it does sound sad, doesn't it?


Like you, I never expect much.

Batemen E said...

All the movies that you have listed I didnt go see...Im glad I didnt waste my money nor my time.

Chocl8t said...

I watched parts of #6...baffoonery at its best. #7, Halle's Perfect Stranger was, bleh, a snoozer really. I like #7 the best though.

The rest I refuse to watch, especially Chris Rock...funny comedian in limited quantity but as an actor? Nah, not wasting my money.

Shelia said...

I would love to have a valid opinion on these, but I thought that the preview so sucked that I didn't even go see them!

Darkbrotha said...

WOW! how was Who's Your Caddy not the undisputed champion of this list? The Cleaner had to be this list. Can you believe I watched the whole thing! And I have to admit that I liked Smokin' Aces. Maybe because of all the gunfire. Perfect Stranger was a waste of production money. Halle Berry still has not learned how to act and Bruce Willis is spinning his wheels. I'm not gonna lie to you though I was gonna give First Sunday a chance. I know it won't be great, but I was hoping to get a few laughs out of it. Don't give up on it yet.

Claude said...

I think there'll be some good films next year if Secret Life of Bees is any indication of what's to come.

The All Seeing Eye said...

I did pretty well in not seeing ay of these stinkers... Thanks for the warning when these suckers hit the dvd shelves.

clnmike said...

Actually liked Smoking Aces, I could do with out This Christmas though seemed like a knock off of other movies.

Exquisitely Black said...

Seems we are on the same wavelength. I decided not to see either of these films and looks like I made the right decision!!!

It does make you wonder why certain actors/actresses continue to get part after part while the cream of the crop sit around not working.

justjudith said...

agh -- your list is dead on and i totally agree about smokin' aces. common and alicia keys have NO chemistry in that ridiculous scene in the stairwell. blech. said...

IW: I share your sentiments about Halle Berry.

Invisible Woman said...

@regina: at least you found something to laugh at, cause I sure didn't!

@ Ms. M: Perfect Stranger was a completely ridiculous, uneccessary movie, just like almost everything else she makes. Thank you for agreeing with me blackactor :-)I guess i have to agree with chocl8te that it was the most bearable of the ten, reluctantly tho.

@MGV--you're on your own there...but nothing could be worse than Pootie Tang. Sorry, Sincere--you're on your own with that one too...

@coloredgirls: good point, but where did the 17 cents come from? lol

@blackactor: ice cube's transformation may be the only funny thing about him since Friday After Next; I think he is becoming the new Eddie Murphy.

@sincere, wanda, nyac, darkbrotha and clnmike: I really just think I was expecting too much from this movie; I thought it would be smart, stylish, and sexy, and all I saw was a mess that was trying way too hard. I agree with Wanda-Taraji P. Henson almost singlehandedly wrecked it...I mean, what was UP with that "performance"? I felt the same way about her in Talk To Me. Just bring it down a few hundred notches, chica. Damn.

@mgv: sorry you're on your own with that one, but nothing could be worse than Pootie're on your own with that one too, Sincere....

@bateman e, jamal o, shelia, esquisitely black, and all seeing eye: you guys are the smartest ones in the room right now, haha. btw, jamal; I love that you work over with the Adult Swim folks...I wrote on my blog that that was one of my biggest addictions...

@darkbrotha:ya know, when I think about it, Who's Your Caddy might've been that worst, had it not been for The Salon, Confessions, Code Name....oh just forget it! lol

Invisible Woman said...

@claude: I haven't made up my mind if I want to see "Bees" yet

Bygbaby said...

oh no, "smokin' aces" made your list! i actually liked it but it was not a piece of cinematic greatness by any means. I think i may have been caught up on the sexy on ak!

I saw a few others but will not name names as I do not want to call myself out LOL!!!

claude said...

I never read the book but I had a chance to read the script and it was fun, seems like it would be especially touching for mother-daughter viewers. I would go just to support the black people involved.

Invisible Woman said...

I know bygbaby...I barely wanted to admit I saw these messes myself...the bullets I take for this blog :-(

@claude: you may have to tell me how it was

Villager said...

Remarkable list. I'm glad that I only paid money to see one of the flicks on your list (smile)

peace, Villager

Invisible Woman said...

Good for you move!

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