Sigh Inducing Trailers...

What can I say? No freaking comment.

"Big Momma 3"




"For Stuffed Colored Girls" (btw, is wayne brady looking kinda good? am i going crazy? NEVER thought i'd say that)

For (Stuffed) Colored Girls from Wayne Brady

And THIS Is Why I've Barely Been Blogging...

Okay, I'm coming back, but starting off with a quick one. I tweeted about this one this morning, but still can't wrap my mind around the direction in which Hollywood is heading....it just seems to get worse and worse by the millisecond.

Rihanna and that kinda hot dude Eric from "True Blood" (I can't remember his real name) are the leads in the film "Battleship", based on the freaking kids game! I wrote about this travesty of a possibility a couple years back, but figured someone must have come down from their crack high since I didn't hear about it again. Until now. Crack pipes for everyone!



(be back later with an ode to vonetta mcgee)


pic via dlisted


UPDATE: Hilarious reader comments:


TechKappen said...

Psssh. I'm still waiting on my Monopoly movie. But this sounds pretty riveting. Is he going to pick F5 or B7???

I wonder if they'll play on Rihanna's forehead...


Tafari said...

Never under estimate the value of a good crack high. Never!


Ehav Ever said...

I wonder if there will be a critical point in the movie, where all looks dark and at its worst. Then someone will yell out......You sank my battleship!

Stop Playin!

See, this is exactly why I don't fux with reality TV:

WTF is Tito doing back there? Where is Randy? Left out again?

Just damn!

An Open Letter From The Invisible One...

Hello my wonderful and very, very appreciated readers:

Maybe it's the fact that I am wearing a dashiki today, or maybe it's the Ciroc cocktail, or maybe it's because I have been listening to The Beastie Boys "Ill Communication" all day that I feel the need to let this out. I tweeted about this the other day, but I don't feel satisfied that it was enough. Lots of folks aren't bothered with the Tweet thing, and I want to make sure my feelings are known. My blog sis said that when you engage in things like this you are seen as petty. Unfortunate, but true. But Madame Invisible has to be petty at some point; everybody's allowed at least one.

When I very first started blogging 2 years ago, I was stunned to find out that people would repost, or take an idea of mine, and write it as their own, with not even a smidgen of acknowledgment to me. And some of the sites were very big and well read. I didn't know whether to be flattered that people were taking notice and imitating, or be pissed off. What can you do anyway, as the internet is not like the bookworld, with copyrights and things?

Well here it is 2 years later, and people are still plagiarizing, and now I am pissed when it happens. It's not as bad as before, cause most people have the good sense to realize that Ms. Invisible has a style all of her own that is very recognizable. Except for one blogger, it seems, that should definitely know better by now.

I put great thought into what I write. Even if it's an idea that I came up with quickly, it came from my brain and my heart, my intellect and experience. I also think about things like is it funny? Is it informative? Will my readers find it interesting?

So much of ME goes into what I write, that it is tired, tacky, lazy, trifling, and honestly downright f*cking disrespectful to take my ideas, not even change the freaking labels of them, and pass them off as your own, as if it was public property and you have the right to do so, with absolutely no thought whatsoever. WTF?


I don't believe in burning bridges, as Black Hollywood, and especially the Black blogging world regarding it, is too small. Plus my mother taught us to be unfailingly polite, which can sometimes be the bane of my existence. I noticed every single time, but grinned and bore it in silence. But there are times in life where folks put the dynamite down, and then light it or push down on the detonator themselves. They leave you no choice. This is a person I bigged up on this blog, even through their envy, and this person was also the target of my one other rant besides this one. I am sick and tired of this person using my ideas and (not so) secretly hating on me. Hey, try this, hater. Come up with some amusing/readable/original stuff of your own! And if you can't? Wait till you f*cking can!

I'm not telling you all to choose one blog or the other, like in a divorce, cause there is room for everybody. But what I am telling you is that any time I see somebody using my sh*t like it's theirs, with no credit and absolutely no respect, I WILL call you out, and I WILL ROAST YOUR ASS! I am a QUEEN, o foolish hateful one, and if you don't have any inkling of that by now, then you have no right to even a smidgen of space in my universe....be gone, parasite!


That is all. Now back to our show, and enjoy the post below from Madame Invisible's original series from Soul Sis-Star Reviews....thanks! Love You! -Ms. Invisible

Superhead = Super Stupid

This is a repost of an article I did over today at Soul Sis-Star Reviews....

[On] my other blog I said I was about to review "Panther", which I still will, but I took a little detour off on the DVD "Kiss And Tail", which starts off being about video girls and groupies for about 15 minutes, then veers off into a bombardment against Superhead, aka Karrine Steffans, author of "Confessions of a Video Vixen" and "The Vixen Diaries".

I want to make it clear that I have ZERO love for Karrine, and it's not because of her sexual exploits. It is because of her as of late consistent 'holier than thou' attitude that I have read about and seen in interviews. I also have no respect for those who want to be famous and known at any cost whatsoever.

You see, I used to be heavily involved in rap on the business side. These dudes would come at you every day, every which way till Sunday. I don't believe they even cared about who you were or what you really looked like, as long as they felt you were even semi-attractive. They just wanted to see if they could get it. For Karrine to act like she cured cancer or something just by getting these guys that practically anyone could get, then blabbing about it to the whole world and acting like she did something special is just so f*cking ridiculous to me. Add that to the fact that she always refers to herself as "a New York Times bestselling author". Oh really, Toni Morrison? Talk to me when you write a book about something besides whose peen you put your mouth on.

Let's just say that it is welcoming to see her get a taste of her own medicine. The folks in this film are for reals, for reals, and they don't hold back, which I absolutely love. It is not speculation, but from the horses' mouth based on actual experiences and interaction with her.


Save the comments about "you have to respect her hustle!". I don't respect anyone that lies about having a baby to get money (see Ma Barker), lies about having been pregnant numerous times (see Darius McCrary aka Eddie Winslow), lies about not having sex with Jay Z (see her own words in her first book) lies about doing porno (see Mr. Marcus and some Samoan porn star dude whose name I forgot) lies about being married, lies about how long she was doing said activities, and lies about almost everything except f*cking, from what I can see.

She has the audacity to say that the things she did like getting paid $200 by Murder, Inc. to give blow jobs to everyone for the day was "Like being in college. I had just got a divorce, so I got a little wild. I deserved that" Ummm....noooo, that is not like college, sorry.

Also this: "I had to do these things. It was L.A., L.A. does this to you. If I didn't do these things I would have died". Whatever, B. I have lived in L.A. off and on for 20 years, and guess what? I never had to s*ck a d*ck to pay the rent, no matter how hard it got. You know why? Cause I didn't want to!

Though the film can get repetitive, and really won't hold a lot of interest unless you know about Karrine Steffans or the folks she juked, it is nice to see a woman that is a complete psycho and has ruined so many people with her ugliness get her comeuppance. You can tell narrator Wendy Williams is loving every minute of telling all of the salacious details as well.

Everyone in this film pretty much agrees that this woman could not have any friends--and I could see all of the anger and hurt of betrayal from those on film that testified. Like Ja Rule said, "Yes, you are famous, but you are not a star. A star is someone you want to emulate, someone that has something you wish you had. I don't think anyone wants to be like Karrine".

Amen.

Off Topic, But My 2 Cents....

Hey all. I'll just make a quick mention of The American Music Awards, which I honestly haven't watched in years. I've always found it too pop-ee, too Billboard 100 for my taste. I watched it last night from a kind of sociological point of view, and here are a few of my observations:


-Chris Brown still looks like he's 13 years old


-Speaking of Chris Brown, Rihanna--the metallic eye patch? I mean really. The whole "edgy" thing is starting to look more than forced.

-Neyo is doing his damnedest to channel Micheal Jackson; Mike should be asking for royalties


-Pink has my respect all day; she is very obviously in it for her love of music, and she killed it in her performance

-All of Beyonce's songs sound exactly the same to me, but Lord knows she can dance her azz off, I can't even front.

-My husband the RZA was looking extra finger lickin' delicious.

-Mariah Carey is about as exciting as an ingrown toenail, and just as painful to watch. Is she still using the wind machines to blow her hair--even on live TV? Give it up, girl!


-The B-52's should be at the courthouse at this very moment filing a lawsuit against Miley Cyrus and her crew for stealing their sh*t--it's just plain robbery. And nobody's father should be looking all blowdried and leathered out with a huge soul patch (I'm talkin' to you Billy Ray Cyrus). The "high concept" behind her performance/song was completely laughable.

-Poor Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots). He used to be on track to be the biggest rock star in the world...now he's like the embarrassing uncle at the family gatherings--you know his azz is gonna get fucked up and cause a scene, and there is nothing you can do to stop it, but you invite him anyway cause he's really harmless, and inside you love him and feel a bit sorry for him.


-The Eagles were eligible for an award?


-Christina Aguilera's singing grates every single, solitary pore and fiber of my soul.

-There was a noticeable absence of Neo-Soul, or really any real soul, period.

-I still have absolutely no idea who Taylor Swift is.


That is all.

Eff Off Dave....

Got this funny note from Sergio:

"How bad is 'Meet Dave?' I just found that even Eddie Murphy didn't bother to show up at last night's Hollywood premiere of the film. THAT'S how bad".

From IW: Damn! I was gonna go to that premier (last minute invite tho)...if Eddie didn't show up, I'm sure glad I didn't. I wrote about this debacle HERE in "WTF? Volume 2" when I started my blog a year ago (maybe 25 people read it, so you can read it now). I feel exactly the same way about this ish as I did a year ago.....

by the way, can Eddie please be serious about retiring from acting? why the f**k doesn't he use the gobs of money he's drowning in to produce something that matters? SMH

This And That....

Okay, feeling a bit lazy this week folks, so I'm gonna put a buncha stuff in this one post while I have the energy....

Let's start off with the Negro that is partially responsible for this week's sleepiness with Hollywood:


Ice Cube continues to build on his movie biz dynasty, recently inking a deal with Dimension Films to make "Janky Promoters", Cube's first script since the last installment of his Friday series.

According to Daily Variety, Ice Cube will write and act in the Janky Promoters, which he's also producing alongside Cube Vision partner Matt Alvarez.

Janky Promoters will star Cube and another actor as unprepared music promoters working to book a big-name hip-hop artist at a California venue where everything seems to go wrong.

A director will also soon be attached to the project and with casting expected to begin immediately, Dimension head Bob Weinstein is hoping to cast a marquee level rapper to star in the film.

"This feels a lot like Uptown Saturday Night to me, a caper film where you have these music promoters who are slightly shady but are good enough guys that you root for them," Weinstein told Daily Variety. "This is going to be R-rated, and it appeals right to the core of Cube's audience."

Weinstein also shared details about Cube's deal adding, "He's producing the movie, sharing in the funding, so it's more complicated than previous deals we've made with Cube. He's a brand, like Tyler Perry, and that's the direction he's headed in. We're happy to assist him in that because we believe in him."


From IW: Ummm, excuse me. Mr. Weinstein--can I talk to you for a second? Let's see here, how can I put this...WTF?!

This is wrong on so many levels, but too time consuming to talk about all the reasons why. So I'll start with the top 3:

A) Who keeps giving this Negro money to make these tired Larry, Curly and Moe movies?

B) "He's a brand, like Tyler Perry" Is this really what we need as a people? C'mon folkses!

C) "I see this as an Uptown Saturday Night" You wish! Keep chasing that rainbow, my friend.

Okay, I'm too grouchy for this mess this morning. I also got maximum level April Fool punked by the folks over at O Hell Nawl! They staged a phony corporate buyout of their site, and folks were heated, including me. You guys might want to check it out--it was genius, but I hate them so very, very, much.

love y'all

Let me post something to cheer me up--I wrote a "Milk Carton Alert" a couple months back about Michael Wright. I had a bonus Milk Carton Alert for Tico Wells and Troy Beyer. Well, look what I found in my mailbox:

Dearest Invisible Woman:

I had the great fortune of stumbling upon your website tonight. I want to acknowledge you for your commitment to keeping it current and real. Like you (smile) I have been invisible over the years,transforming my life and truly finding my gift so that I may be a gift to others. Over the last six years, I've earned my degree in Ontology and I've been leading transformational seminars for a global organization. In addition, I've recently completed my first book "Ex-Free", I'm earning my PhD in Psychology and my talk show is scheduled to begin airing in six months, "Troy Talk." I am forever grateful to anyone who cares enough to wonder where I went. I went to the mountain top after ruffling through the valleys but I'm back and again, thank you for wondering. I will bookmark your site and check you out often. Keep on keeping up!

Godspeed!

Troy

From IW: She is the sweetest sweetie-pie....I love to read about people who have done so very many different things in their lives; all of them awesome. If she can go from being an actor, to a screenwriter, to director, to leading seminars on global organization, to getting a Ph.D, to having her own talk show, I think some of us out here can step it up too, yes?

Very inspiring, to say the least. Now you can quit looking for her Thembi and Cassandra :-)

Also, if you guys get a chance, check out some amazing Black Cinema posters here:

http://www.bennettauctions.com/2007/120207_posters2/12.02.07.session2.blax.html

I put some up on here yesterday...thanks for the tip Mike G.

Weekend BO

Weekend B.O. (thanks Sergio)
March 7-9

1. 10,000 B.C. - WB - $33.14M

2. College Road Trip - Disney- $12.5M

3. Vantage Point - Sony $8.1M Total: $52.2M cume

4. Semi Pro - NL - $6M Total: $24.9M cume

5. Spiderwick Chronicles - Paramount - $5.06M Total: $61.9M cume

6. The Bank Job - Lionsgate - $4.7M

7. Jumper - Paramount - $3.92M Total: $72.7M cume

8. The Other Boleyn Girl - Focus - $3.86M Total: $14.4M cume

9. Step Up 2 the Streets - Sony - $3.33M Total: $53.2M cume

10. Fool's Gold - WB - $2.89M Total: $62.9M cume


From IW: WTF is The Bank Job?

Just wondering--did anybody take time out of their weekend to see College Road Trip?

Hiatus...

Between knowing I have to look at/listen to Hillary Clinton's annoying *ss even more now, and this video, I am in a state. I am going to take a couple days off. Enjoy whatever it is you may be doing....

Weekend BO

WEEKEND B.O. (Thanks Sergio)
Feb. 22-24 2008


1. Vantage Point - $22.4 Million

2. Spiderwick Chronicles - $13M Total: $43.9M

3. Jumper - $12.2M - Total: $55.7M

4. Step Up 2 the Streets - $8.2M - Total: $39.8M

5. Fool's Gold - $6.4M Total: $52.5M

6. Definitely Maybe - $5M Total: $21.5M

7. Juno - $4.07M Total: $130.3M

8. Be Kind, Rewind - $3.65M

9. Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins - $3.6M Total: $35.1M

10. U2-3D - $3.36M - Total: $7.2M


From IW: There is not one movie on this list that I have any enthusiasm for. Why is "Definitely Maybe" still on it? Do you know anyone who saw that, or wanted to?

I saw 15 minutes of "Be Kind, Rewind" and the DVD was turned off...even Mos Def and Danny Glover couldn't save this sh*t that should have never hit the screen in the first place.

This N' That

While writing about Sidney yesterday, I got nostalgic for the times when I would look forward to seeing a black film. Now I go in super suspicious from the get. I know it's not fair, but so little of it moves me. A couple of readers co-signed with reader "darkside's" comment on Madea:

"Although I'm not a Tyler Perry fan. I do give him props. I just wish we had someone who could also make very artistic & very well acted & very well written films, black themed films that don't fall under a message film, comedy, or urban crime film. "

I have said variations on this, but he sums it up pretty well. You know why we don't have people taking time to search out new talent and quality? Cause they are sticking to the formula for awhile. Hollywood is always in the mindset of "If it makes money and it ain't broke, don't fix it".

Set yourself down for more agonizing "family is family, no matter what" extended family-sitting-around-the-dinner-table-revealing-revelations type movies. The trailers for "Meet The Browns" is a perfect example of this.



*sigh*



Reader ma'at also made a great point, and I don't know why I didn't pay attention to it before:

"I cannot for the life of me understand why, in T.P.'s book, a man is the cause and cure for every issue a woman has. Why for instance does Jill Scott's character lose weight because of a man and not because the extra weight is killing her or heyell even just personally embarrassing... but enough I'll go on all day."

How true, how true. You can be on crack, obese, a bad mother, or addicted to spousal abuse, and all you need is a good man and all of the ills of your life disappear. I think Tyler Perry needs to start a dating service. Wait, I take that back, let's not give him any ideas.



You know why he and his type of film is not going away for a looong time? This is the main reason:

Tyler Perry's latest Lionsgate DVD release "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?," debuted at number one on the North American DVD charts this past week with over two million units already sold. The accompanying DVD release of his stage play "What's Done in the Dark" also debuted in the top 10.

Proving to be an unstoppable force in Hollywood, Tyler Perry releases -- including theatrical blockbusters "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" and "Madea's Family Reunion," along with many of his most popular plays -- have sold over 23 million units to date. "Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?" debuted at number one at the North American box office when it was released theatrically in October 2007 and grossed more than $55 million. Lionsgate will look to continue its Tyler Perry run as it gears up for the theatrical debut of its fifth Tyler Perry film -- "Meet the Browns" -- which hits theatres March 21.

"Tyler Perry is nothing short of a cultural phenomenon," said Ron Schwartz, Lionsgate Home Entertainment General Manager and Executive Vice President. "He has an enormously loyal following, which continues to grow with each new theatrical and DVD release. His way of delivering incredibly strong moral messages with laughter, heart and soul is something that is unique among today's filmmakers. We look forward to releasing many more films and DVDs based on his works as we continue to build our powerful Tyler Perry franchise."
source

From IW: like readers qadree and aj say, we are on our way to Madea action figures, lunchboxes and backpacks. Dolla dolla bill, y'all. Bottom line

*sigh*



Also sigh-inducing is the news that she that will not go away, Beyonce, will be in "Cadillac Records" playing Etta James....it was not confirmed before. I had such high hopes for this movie--Jeffery Wright and Beyonce go together like salad and dog s**t.

(i posted this picture cause when i googled beyonce images, aretha kept coming up, and frankly I am very tired of looking at bey)




On to some good news, yes? All of you out there *Obenson* cough, cough *orville* cough cough and others who have fine projects in limbo but no financing...get yourself out of the "Soul Food" Hollywood trap:

The Los Angeles Film Festival Fast Track Program, designed to connect filmmakers and their current projects with financiers, production companies and other industry professionals, is currently looking for new films in development in order to help get them made. This highly selective program is open to established as well as up-and-coming filmmakers with exceptional projects still seeking funding.

The Fast Track program is being re-launched as a Film Financing Market -- now open to all filmmakers who have a film they want to get fast-tracked in production. In past years, the program was restricted to alumni of the Los Angeles Film Festival and graduates of Film Independent’s Talent Development Programs – the Filmmaker Labs, Project: Involve, and the Spirit Award grant winners. Selected filmmakers would get a pass to the festival and one day of industry meetings. This year, he program is open to all filmmakers, both national and international, who have strong feature films seeking their financing.

The filmmakers chosen for the 2008 Fast Track program will receive an Industry pass to the 2008 Los Angeles Film Festival, three days of intensive, high-level industry meetings, a pass to the 2008 Financing Conference that takes place during the Festival, a pass to the Filmmaker Forum, which runs in the fall of 2008, complimentary membership in Film Independent, and year-round support from Film Independent.

Download the application (due March 31) at: http://www.filmindependent.org/index.php/talent_development/fasttrack

BTW: please forgive all of my spelling mistakes...after 2 or 3 weeks, Blogger spellcheck is still NOT WORKING. How bout concentrating on that Blogger instead of translating to Filipino? I'm just sayin.

Weekend BO

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE (thanks sergio)
February 1–3, 2008
Studio Estimates

1) Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour BV $29,000,000

2) The Eye LGF $13,000,000

3) 27 Dresses Fox $8,400,000 Total: $57,115,000

4) Juno FoxS $7,450,000 Total; $110,263,000

5) Meet the Spartans Fox $7,125,000 Total: $28,332,000

6) Rambo LGF $7,000,000 Total: $29,798,000

7) The Bucket List WB $6,850,000 Total: $67,671,000

8) Untraceable SGem $5,400,000 Total:$19,451,000

9) Cloverfield Par. $4,900,000 Total: $71,974,000

10) There Will Be Blood ParV $4,761,000 Total: $21,146,000

11) Over Her Dead Body NL $4,600,000

From IW: **sigh**

Over And Out....

This is not a political blog, but you know I go there sometimes.

The South Carolina Debate was a shameful travesty. I am officially so over Hillary Clinton. Her behavior has been heinous and inexcusable, and it's sickening to see her constantly trying to bait Obama and pull him down to new lows. Why does she focus absolutely zero of that negativity on John Edwards? If I used to give her some credit, it is now all forgotten and done. And it's not "about Obama being black", and me "blindly defending him", blah blah blah, like all of these empty talking heads say.

It is about respect, disrespect, professionalism, and unprofessionalism. Guess which ones Mrs. Clinton is dealing out in spades? (no pun intended)

Eff off, Hill.


rant over

Top 10 Worst Black Films Of 2007

Alrighty then. Hope you guys had an awesome day yesterday, no matter what you chose to do. I was going to do one of those standard end of the year "Top 10 Best Films of 2007" lists for black film, but guess what? Surprise, surprise, I couldn't think of ten. The really sad part is I couldn't even think of five. Damn.

The big ticket black films of the year, "Why Did I Get Married?" and "American Gangster" were amusing to watch, but nothing more. The fact that they are considering Denzel's performance for a Golden Globe and other such awards just underscores how bare our cupboards are to me.

Here is to hoping 2008 will be a banner year for Black Cinema.....

Anyhoo, I did however have enough fodder for a "Top 10 Worst Black Films of 2007". Surprise, surprise, again (not). These are in no particular order, as I think they were all pretty much equally atrocious. Some of them kinda walk the line for "Black Cinema", but I included them because of their casts, their hype, and high visibility in the Black Blogosphere:

#1

I Think I Love My Wife

When, when, when is Chris Rock finally going to get it that he does not need to ever be in a film of his own making? Just produce (and for heaven's sake no more directing!), or star in a movie that someone, anyone else, wrote. This was a remake of a non-black film that I've seen called "Chloe In The Afternoon", and it was so mangled in it's interpretation that I didn't even know it until I read that fact yesterday.....so he can't even translate someone else's material. Here is a short clip of him talking about how he came to make this film...LMBAO acting like there was some kind of artistic thought/process behind this bulls--t:

#2

Code Name: The Cleaner

The whole time I was watching this (and for the life of me I don't know why I watched it till the end) I kept saying to myself "Why would Cedric make this movie?". It'll be a happy day when Cedric The Entertainer finds a film or a T.V. show that matches his hilarious abilities in his stand-up. As of now--not even close. This is a clip of the one kinda (operative word kinda) funny scene in the movie. If this is the best it had to offer, you can just imagine how dismal the rest was if you haven't seen it:

#3

The Salon

One of the most stock, stereotypical, lazy black films in quite some time, and that's saying a lot. I wrote about it here. They could've had robots make this movie and no one would have noticed the difference. Some foolio named Mike Brooks had a short clip on "youtube" and it looks like he has a very, very small part as "Street Vendor" in the film, and used this scene for his acting reel/resume. It is a perfect snapshot of everything that is wrong in this movie:

#4

Daddy Day Camp

Cuba Gooding. A script even Eddie Murphy wouldn't touch. An already worn to death premise. 'Nuff said. Here is some New York guido with a clip called "What's Going On Cuba?" The ish is low budget and unscripted, but dude is funny as hayell and completely on point:

#5

Confessions Of A Call Girl

Tho this one had an extremely limited release (with good reason) and zero hype, I included it anyway cause Tamala Jones was in it, as was Lynn Whitfield, who must have absolutely nothing else going on whatsoever. This movie was supposed to be a drama, but was so freakin' laughable that I think they need to rethink the genre and make it comedy. I wrote about all the painful details here. I tried to find a clip of this movie, but all that kept coming up was this tired picture, but in a way it's apropos, so here you go....for those of you who don't know, this is Karinne "Superhead" Stefans, infamous groupie, hoe, and bubblehead:

#6

Who's Your Caddy?

What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said? It came from the "Our Stories" production company that is supposed to be our savior, and make "wholesome, family oriented films that are a reflection of us and our community" (their words). If this movie is a reflection of us, we might as well pack it in right now. The fact that this film, after all of it's extensive hype, only made $2.9 million in it's opening weekend spoke volumes. Here is a clip of some of the actors and Tracey Edmonds talking about some of the scenes like this crapfest was "Goodfellas" or something---SMH. At the end, Tracey says "This summer, there is nothing like our film coming out". Truer words were never spoken.

#7

Perfect Stranger

Halle Berry continues to make horrible film after horrible film, but is still considered A-List. In fact, has she ever, ever, starred in a great film? In a good one? Even a decent one? I'm talking a theatrical release, not television. The state of mainstream acting seems to be that your acting abilities equate to how the public views your face. The more beautiful the perception is, the better actress you are. Makes perfect sense to me (insert sarcasm). Nicole Kidman and Keira Knightly, anyone? Here is a clever mash-up of Halle's movie and the sitcom "Perfect Strangers" with Balki:

#9

Are We Done Yet?

Admittedly, I haven't seen this film, but the Good Lord knows I don't have to to include it on this list. Here is a so-called "Blooper Reel", which is ironic, as this is what this whole film seems to be. It also shows off Nia Long's super-amazing acting abilities:

#9

Smokin' Aces

Not technically "Black Cinema", but a large portion of the main cast was. After the huge hype of Alicia Keys, Common, and Taraji P. Henson being in it, it was a HUGE letdown, from the beginning to the closing credits. I kept waiting for it to get better, and it never did. I didn't even feel like looking for something interesting associated with this movie, so here is the trailer:

#10

First Sunday

I know it hasn't come out yet, but let's just get it over with to make more room for next year's list, kay? Since I posted the trailer the other day, here it is with some super dramatic music some funny genius uploaded on youtube. It changes the tone and context entirely....kinda goes back with what I say sometimes about how important a soundtrack can be to a film:

Btw, "Rush Hour 3" might've taken spots 1 through 6 if it was considered Black Cinema and not a mainstream summer blockbuster. Congrats to Ice Cube, who made this list twice.

TERRENCE WATCH!-part IX

Okay...I'm done. This ni--a here... spotted on Bossip:

Terrence Howard brought his new girl, actress Zulay Henao, and his baby-wipes game to Cancun, Mexico recently.

Zulay is making all the right moves to “try’ to get off D-list status within a few years.

Mr. Baby Wipes was spotted leaving a club with a “stringy-haired” woman in Hollyweird in October and was linked to Miss USA, Rachel Smith, back in September.

From I.W: As I stated before, "they" can have him. He is a mess on the bottom of the of grimiest shoe. Farewell, Slickback Ivanhoe! (emphasis on "hoe")

ps: who the f--k is Zulay Haneo?

WTF?.....Volume 9

I don't know what to make of this. Two folkses apparently had a tiff over a couple of movies I wrote about, and these emails were forwarded to me...I left out their specific names and replaced them with fake ones, but it's a bit confusing to me; maybe you can help me out.....

1st Email:

From Rhonda:

Why write to me? Write to the writer of the critique directly at: invisiblecinema@gmail.com. Have the same vigor when you write that person directly as you did below.

Penelope wrote:
Thanks for sharing! does not fluster me or upset me and critics well- admonish all they want- Not masterpiece theater, but the real beauty here is that we all had a vision and a dream- we carried it out; we finished the movie; got it sold and distributed and more important in this business we gave people work! Most of these folks can only have their criticisms and admonishments. Truth is- we get no admonishment from our peers who understand the struggle and the sacrifice in making a film- however bad you may think it is. Are we each responsible for the kind of message we send out? No. It's entertainment and in this case a comedy! Get a life people. What about the gangster, oh not so funny , can't spell filmmaker wack crap on BET? What about the mess that makes it to the big screen? What about the real problems facing folks trying to make it to the big screen? Where's that fight and those articles? What about the folks who refused to help and guide when they could have? Let's discuss that...These folks don't know me, my character, background or life story and struggles or what I go through daily to make a better way for Black people and women and the rest of us who do our thing and aren't afraid .

What about the awards So Fresh won? and the fact someone, somewhere keeps buying the movie; renting the movie; ordering the movie? can't speak for the others. But what is your point in sending this? Are we hurting filmmakers and writers? are we killing brain cells? are we making a political statement? did we rob anyone of dignity in the process of the filmmaking? no! So again- why are you sending this to me after 2 years of the movie being in store and nearly 6 since it was made? No mad. Just curious.

Thank you for the publicity oh critical ones! Perhaps my partner, the screenwriter and co-director can better address you...

Keep it funky

2nd Email:

From Penelope:

You sent the original email, and thus I responded to you. The author is free to contact me.

I've made my peace with it all and have spent my energy creating and producing more pieces to be critiqued or enjoyed!

3rd Email:

From Rhonda:

Your film was stereotypical garbage and I hope you don't make anything else remotely like that. You and your filmmakers have not progressed the noble cause of making quality African-American cinema, but impeded it seriously. I'm glad the Invisible Cinema site blasted that garbage. This below should be the face of your production company.

From IW: Bear in mind I was never part of this email exchange, and have absolutely no idea where it came from or why. What I do know is "Confessions of a Call Girl" and "So Fresh, So Clean" are hot petrified garbage, and the fact that either one of them won an award that was worth more than a Tic-Tac is completely dumbfounding to me, as well as deeply disturbing.

As one who has had the experience of working for a major studio, pitching scripts, working on production, and dealing with unbelievable executive racism every freaking day, I am even more firmly entrenched that just because someone has the means to make a film doesn't mean it should be "acceptable", non-threatening, stereotypical bullshit. That's why so many black films go to DVD. That should NOT be our goal; we have spiritual love, we have family, we have fierce sexual intensity and incredible beauty, none of which I saw an iota of in either one of these movies.

I admire ANYONE who can get a film made that is black, but I DO NOT agree that it should be some lazy, tired, 5th grade f__ed up mess to get it done. Not everything has to be a masterpiece, but there are so very, very, little of them made in our community. I find it laughable that someone defends "So Fresh, So Clean" so nobly. It would have been just as easy to try to make a decent film; Charles Burnett never has any Hollywood money, but he always has something to say in his films.

Let's fight the good fight and ELEVATE, people! How did we get from Langston Hughes and James Baldwin to this? Jena and BET were just the beginning....we are on our way.

OK, Which One Is It, Sex or No Sex?

I think I've been posting a bit much about Terrance Howard lately because I am fascinated with his seeming complete and utter inability to shut the f**k up. At a point in his career where he can just cruise from here on out, he seems hellbent on making himself look like a total idiot and losing his female fan base. Last week it was no premarital sex for him, this week a complete 180 degree turn. From Starpulse via Stereohyped:

Sex Rules Keep Terrence Howard From Being A Jehovah's Witness

Terrence Howard is still hoping to become a Jehovah's Witness - once he can control his sexual urges. The star studied to become a Jehovah's Witness when he was a teenager but turned his back on the church when he realized he'd have to give up sex until he was married.
He says, "That's where I had my troubles."

But newly-single Howard, who split with his latest girlfriend in July, hasn't given up on the religion, adding, "I'm still working hard at that one. I'll be a Witness one day, as soon as I can discipline myself in that area."

Rushier

I liked Undercover Black Man's post on Rush Hour 3....it's a pretty simple and accurate wrap-up:

What’s the use of hating on Chris Tucker? He does what he does, the fans apparently want to see it, rich white people get richer, and Chris gets paidz too. That’s called a “free market.” It’s also called “the Death of Meaning.”

Why does watching him make me feel empty inside?

I saw “Rush Hour 3” on Friday. I had enjoyed the second one and never watched the first. This new one earned $50 million at the box office – less than the opening weekend for “2,” but still a hit.

Chris Tucker brings nothing fresh to the game. He is so limited in what he can do to make you smile or laugh, I guess it’s good he doesn’t make more movies. Because I’m about done.

Here is his repertoire of moves:

1.) The Motor-Mouth

2.) The Horny Guy

3.) Funny/Bad Singing

4.) Funny Dancing

5.) Funny/Bad Kung Fu

6.) Funny Faces

7.) nothing else

'But Dave, isn’t all of that stuff enough? You heard the people laughing, didn’t you?' I heard the KIDS laughing. This is entertainment for sugar-addicted juveniles who demand only that their senses be stimulated for a while.

I wish Chris Tucker had the soul of an artist. I wish he were interested in a deeper level of storytelling. But, hey, he’s only 34. Maybe it’s coming.

As for “Rush Hour 3,” there are two good things in it. French actor Yvan Attal is funny as a Parisian cab driver. And the big action set piece at the Eiffel Tower is well-designed and well-executed by director Brett Ratner.

I just want more for my money, that’s all.

From I.W.: Amen.

Zestfully Clean

Okay, I've been in a gossipy mood for the past couple days. So sue me, I'm not the Hollywood Reporter. That being said, my brothers from another mother posted about a couple folks that have been active on this blog lately....the first is from Michael K. (who happens to be gay) of D-Listed...who is gossip at it's messiest and funniest. His was the first blog I read on a regular basis, and still read a couple times every day.

But I digress.....he had a longer version of the Terrence Howard interview that I posted yesterday, and injected his personal comments. I think he's too funny...here's his post:

Terrence Howard had a little interview with Elle Magazine and he really shouldn't have. But since he had to, he really should've had his therapist in the room.

"I like women who look like me. Generally, you're attracted to women who look like you, because the most beautiful thing in nature is your own reflection."

MK: That means he's gay.

On his relationship philosophy:
"If a relationship is built on sexuality, it won't last long. Now I'm completely chaste through a relationship unless I get married. I don't believe in premarital sex. It enabled me to date three or four women at the same time, because as long as I wasn't having sex with them, I could always just walk away. There were some [past girlfriends] who pushed for sex, and sometimes they won. Afterward, I would feel unclean, like I'd compromised my own values. So I would have to let them go because they didn't help me to be a stronger person."

MK: Ok, this means he's gay, but really wants to make the straight thing work.

On his deal-breaker:
"Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean."

MK: Ok, that just means he's crazy and probably gags when he sees a little pee in the toilet. You know the type.

On his divorce:
"I was in love with her, but she was not in love with me. I can't be upset because she doesn't find me the most beautiful thing on the planet."

MK: Awww...I find you the prettiest prettiest princess Terrence! I really do. He's gay, right? What the hell kind of man wants their vaginas smelling like baby powder?

I can totally picture him during this interview too. He probably spoke really soft and only looked the journalist in the eye when he was talking. He probably had a handkerchief with him the entire time and kept wiping his hands with it. He probably went into the shower after this interview and cried while piping hot water washed away his sins.

I think I love him.

From I.W.: This is what Stereohyped had to say about the interview:

The guy is just plain creepy, obviously, with questionable views on both women and personal responsibility. Imagine if he was your man, counting your baby wipes after each trip you made to the bathroom and blaming you every time he got aroused. No wonder Halle Berry and Gabrielle Union never called his ass back.

From I.W.: Terrence used to be a major crush for me, but every time he opened his mouth, it was diminished by 20-30%. He is now in the negatives, hovering in my world near Flava Flav and Biz Markie. Not good.