A More Than Guilty Pleasure...

Alrighty...I was tagged (challenged) by my blog sis Issa Rae after I gave her a hard time about revealing her guilty pleasure; Damon Wayans' "Blankman", which surely made me give her the serious telephoto side-eye (to read her post, click HERE).

Forgive me Lord for I have sinned; I actually enjoyed "Norbit". *ducks as tomatoes are thrown*

What can I say? First off, how can you not laugh at a character named "Rasputia"? That is comedy. Every time she got into that tiny MG Midget car and her boobs made the horn blow I laughed. Yes, I realize that's sad, but I still think it's funny.

I kinda like it when Eddie plays a nerd. I happen to think his public persona is one of the most arrogant on earth, and it is very off-putting, but I also think it is to hide the real nerd underneath, that he plays so well in this and "Bowfinger" (another movie of his I happened to really enjoy). I also absolutely adore Thandie Newton.

This film was directed by Brian Robbins, who is responsible for 99% of Eddie Murphy's bombs...I still think Brian has a picture of Eddie and Johnny Gill in a compromising position--why on earth else would Eddie still work with him? But this is the one I don't mind, and would watch again--let the mudslinging on Invisible Woman begin. Issa Rae, I hope you're happy!

Here is a scene of Rasputia and Norbit in the car, and I laughed again while watching it...so sue me...haha!

This N' That....

I have a lot to talk about, but will only post about a few things, cause I don't wanna spend 3 hours on a post.

Did you know that Idris Elba was joining "The Office"? From Eurweb (thanks Sergio):

"While details are being kept under wraps, NBC did say the actor will play a no-nonsense hire at Dunder Mifflin's corporate office who rankles Scranton branch manager Michael Scott, played by star Steve Carell."

From IW: Considering the unfortunate film choices Mr. Chocolate makes, maybe he should make TV his home. We'll see how he does on the small screen again. Here is the tired poster for "Obsessed":



For those of you that are curious to see "Medicine For Melancholy", a film I reviewed and in addition did an interview with the director, Barry Jenkins, here is some news:

'IFC Films is still working out the details of our theatrical release. We open in New York on January 30. San Francisco, Los Angeles, Detroit and Seattle will follow in February. Check our website in the next couple weeks for details. You can also catch M4M at home with IFC In Theaters (Video on demand) starting Feb. 4.'

From IW: If you've had the blues regarding the state of Black Cinema, you must see this movie. This week I will also be posting about 2 other indie Black films, "Diary Of A Tired Black Man" and "A Good Day To Be Black And Sexy". To read Sergio's reveiw of Medicine For Melancholy from Ebony/Jet.Com click HERE.


I want to get serious for a moment and say a peaceful journey to the founder and director of The San Francisco Black Film Festival, Ave Montague (that's her in the middle in the picture above). She passed away last week. For a very, very, very brief time, I was the Assistant Director of this festival. While Ave faced many personal challenges, she genuinely lived her life trying to give exposure to little known Black Cinema, as well as giving awards and accolades to our established greats. I hope the festival will be able to carry on, as Ave was the festival....I wish it well.


On to some other type of fodder. Here is the trailer for Eddie Murphy's new one...the story is described as this:

"Eddie Murphy stars as a successful financial executive who has more time for his blackberry than his seven-year-old daughter (Yara Shahidi). When he has a crisis of confidence and his career starts going down the drain, however, he finds the solution to all his problems in his daughter's imaginary world."



Sergio said this about the trailer: "maybe I'm getting senile in my old age but this one looks like it might be cute. I recall the original title was Nowhereland and it was shot almost two years ago".

Ms. Invisible says no comment. But that little girl is all kindsa cute.


And finally, thank you ever so much to Ugly Black John who gave me a helping hand award (as well as 6 others). Mine was for helping him to understand Black Cinema...hmmm...UBJ seems pretty smart to me--I don't think he needs my help. By the way, I am curious to know just how Black and ugly this John really is...I have the sneaking suspicion that he's not so very ugly at all, haha :-)

End Of Year Celebrity Shenanigans.....

Good day to y'all. Ms. Invisible never thought she'd make it this far when she started this blog...I was so afraid no one would read it that I almost didn't start it. Now the traffic I get in these parts in a couple hours equals the traffic I got in my entire first month of June 2007, and I notice that I still have a lot of the same readers, along with a sweet influx of new readers...thank you everyone and welcome, welcome! I will try to step up my game this year...well, at least that is my intention.

Ok, enough with the sentiments. Before going out last night I perused the internets with a choco-tini....holy sh*t folkses were trying to send 2008 out with a bang, for reals. I know that this mess is not really Black Cinema related, but you guys know I get down like that sometimes...I just have to share and hear your thoughts on some of this undiluted f*ckery that I come up on....the best way for you to see what I mean is through a pictorial. Some of them left me with almost a loss for words. Almost.

How bout some questionable fashion choices? First up is Macy Gray, whom I'm becoming extremely concerned about. One blogger says she's been showing up to celebrity events "looking like she'd do some 'ho sh*t for a cheeseburger and a Mountain Dew" I would have to agree...I mean she was never what you'd consider a fashion plate, but what has been going on with her as of late is just plain wrong.

Speaking of completely wrong, can someone tell me why, why, why, Star Jones insists on dressing like a 110 pound 22 year old? Frankly I am sick of it, and don't want any more of it assaulting my eyeballs--it's just plain rude of her. I mean, the slack skin, the scars, WTF?

And in case you didn't get enough, here is the view from the back. Do your thing, girl. I guess.

Note to Star Jones (Reynolds): You are not, and never will be, fab. Just deal with it!


Another questionable fashion choice...I can't even guess what could have been on her mind with this ensemble.

And what is the explanation for this winter wear?

Venturing into Macy Gray territory is former (severe emphasis on former) hottie Joaquin Phoenix. He makes the fact that Diddy is also looking a bit ghoulish in this pic a complete non-factor. Did Joaquin quit show biz to become a mountain man? That's the only plausible explanation for this new and disturbing look.

And speaking of disturbing, ummmm....Charles Barkley? If you are wondering why he looks like Uncle Fester jonsin' for a heroin fix, this is his mugshot from his pre-New Year's shenanigans. I can't understand why he was arrested, cause as he told the police officer, he was speeding because "he was on his was to get a blow job". He had gotten one from this trick the week before and "it was the best one he ever had in his life". Yes, he actually said that. Like the officer was gonna say "oh, why didn't you just say so in the first place?" I hope it was worth it, cause he is just as crazy as he looks in this pic. Or maybe he really is on heroin. Or maybe he thinks he's this guy:



Let's cleanse our palate with my first email from Sergio for 2009, shall we? It is a note from him regarding the trailer of Bey's new "movie":

[IW]

Some obvious things:

1) It's one of those lousy trailers that gives away the ENTIRE film. There's no need to see to see it now

2) Bey obviously didn't use any speech coaches this time and uses her own sharecropper country ass accent (from iw-and she had the audacity to intimate that the jacksons were country and ghetto, and said she was raised "upper class")

3) So I guess Kerry Washington wisely passed on this or do they really think Beyonce is going to bring people to the theater?

4) It looks like a real unintentional laugh riot


From IW: Wow....this movie looks so innovative...I know none of us have never, ever, seen a film like this before!

Update: Oh, I forgot this one....make of it what you will.

An Open Letter To Eddie Murphy....

Dear Eddie:

I'm not much for writing these, as a matter of fact, I haven't written one in 7 months. But after viewing "Meet Dave" for over an excruciating and mind boggling hour, I felt it was that time again. I haven't really been a fan of your film or personal life for a very, very long time, but watching this movie made even me feel sorry and sad for you.

While relaying my Meet Dave watching experience and the fact that this film did 5 million in it's opening weekend, a friend of mine suggested that maybe director Brian Robbins has pictures of you and Johnny Gill in a very compromising position. This theory does seem to make a lot of sense; first he directs you in your post Oscar embarrassment "Norbit", then this current insane debacle, and next up the sigh inducing "Thousand Words" in which you are only allowed to say 1,000 words before you die. Which also seems to be the definitive death knell in your career as well.

I've been around Brian Robbins while working at the studio That Will Henceforth Remain Unnamed (TWHRU). He is a very charming guy, granted, but certainly not worth losing the respect of the general public. If he has pictures of you and Johnny, come clean--I promise you'll feel so much better once the heat wears off. If not, please consider 2 things:

A) Getting a restraining order against Brian Robbins

B) Putting this acting thing down for good, and producing some films that will make us care about you again.

I say this with love,

Invisible Woman

Weekend B.O.

WEEKEND BOX OFFICE
July 11–13, 2008 Studio Estimates (thanks Sergio!)

1) Hellboy II:The Golden Army Uni. $35,885,000

2) Hancock Sony $33,000,000 Total: $165,034,000

3) Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D NL $20,580,000

4 ) Wall-E BV $18,509,000 Total; $162,772,000

5) Wanted Uni. $11,586,000 Total; $112,045,000

6) Get Smart WB $7,105,000 Total; $111,468,000

7) Meet Dave Fox $5,300,000

8) Kung Fu Panda P/DW $4,300,000 Total: $202,043,000

9) Kit Kittredge: An American Girl PicH $2,357,000 Total; $11,046,000

10) Indiana Jones & the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Par. 2,250,000 Total 310,477,000


From IW: Okay I'll go through these one by one...

1) Hellboy: Zero interest

2) Hancock: After fiending to see it for months, I finally saw it this weekend. Sorry, I don't care what folkses say, I liked it very much, as I do with all Will Smith movies. When I first saw the director was Peter Berg I thought "this can't be the same dude that was in Corky Romano with Chris Kitean". But lo and behold it was. WTF? A him-bo trusted to direct a blockbuster?

Like I said, I liked it very much, and I think people are way too critical of it--wanting a Will Smith failure badly,, or something like that. It is better than 85% of the films I've seen in the past year....for real. The ending wasn't so hot, and the cinematography was pretty awful (they should have hired the "Spiderman" dude), but I definitely think it's worth checking out and enjoying a matinee.

3) Journey To The Center Of The Earth: Next! At least Brendan Fraser found a decent lacefront wig.

4) Wall-E: Normally I love Pixar movies (the only kids movies I like) but I have absolutely no desire to see this for some reason.

5) Wanted: I wrote about this ish HERE in "WTF-Volume 5". Maybe now that St. Jolie has the twins with the f**ked up names, she will concentrate on other things besides playing characters that are supposed to be Black. From reader Leo Of Borg:

"Having just read WANTED the comic, and NOT having Fox in the movie as a black anti-heroine, this just pissed me off. All this really looks like is yet another chance for Angelina to show off more [permanent?] ink. Feh.

Blogged here with my sentiments and with links to the comic."

6) Get Smart: Don't feel one way or the other. Like Steve Carrell and the original show...will probably see it one day.

7) Meet Dave: Holee shit!! Can somebody say nuclear bomb? I think only "Basic Instinct 2" opened this bad. Note to Eddie: Reality check!

8) Kung Fu Panda: Hmmmm. Don't have much to say about this one either; will probably see it eventually.

9) Kit Kittredge: Ummmm....guess Willow inherited the star power of her mama Jada and not Poppy Smith.

10) Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull: Is this mess still hanging around?

Eff Off Dave....

Got this funny note from Sergio:

"How bad is 'Meet Dave?' I just found that even Eddie Murphy didn't bother to show up at last night's Hollywood premiere of the film. THAT'S how bad".

From IW: Damn! I was gonna go to that premier (last minute invite tho)...if Eddie didn't show up, I'm sure glad I didn't. I wrote about this debacle HERE in "WTF? Volume 2" when I started my blog a year ago (maybe 25 people read it, so you can read it now). I feel exactly the same way about this ish as I did a year ago.....

by the way, can Eddie please be serious about retiring from acting? why the f**k doesn't he use the gobs of money he's drowning in to produce something that matters? SMH

Me And 1988....(Part 2)

1988 was not a banner year for Black Cinema. Incredibly, less than a decade after the Blaxploitation explosion of the 70's, there were only 3 Black films in the top 50 for 1988, and even one of them is being generous calling it Black (Colors) as the leads were non-black. The other two were "Coming To America", a huge reader favorite, and "Action Jackson", which I wrote about once HERE

Here is a clip from "Coming To America" (which was may be the last time I thought Eddie was funny in a movie). It is the Soul Glo commercial; showing that huge embarrassment of the 80's, the Jheri Curl--which an unfortunate minority carried on into the 90's:

Random Movie News....

And I mean hecka random. Sergio sent me these tidbits last week, but I've been in slack mode. You might have seen these movie announcements somewhere else, but for those who haven't here they are:

First up, from AOL:

Brett Ratner is in negotiations to direct Universal Pictures and Imagine Entertainment's remake of 'The Incredible Shrinking Man.' Brian Grazer is producing the project, which has Eddie Murphy attached to star.

The Hollywood Reporter states that an updated version of the best-selling novel and 1957 sci-fi classic starring Grant Williams, 'Man' is taking the comedic approach to the fantastical material, telling the story of a famous Las Vegas magician who is put under a spell that causes him to shrink. He must find a way to reverse the spell before he gets so small that he 'disappears.'

Thomas Lennon and Robert Ben Garant penned the most recent draft of the screenplay for the project, which had previously seen Pete Segal and Keenen Ivory Wayans in the director's chair.

From IW: Dang, even Keenan Wayans moved on from this mess? Eddie is solidifying his morph process into Jerry Lewis.

Next is a film that might be awesome if anyone else was attached to star. From Variety:

Halle Berry will star in and produce psychological drama "Frankie and Alice" for indie shingle Access Motion Pictures in association with Reality Pictures in Motion.

Story follows a young woman struggling with multiple personality disorder and torn between who she is and a racist Caucasian alter-personality that preys upon her mind. No production start date has been set.

"Frankie and Alice" is the second independent production for Toronto-based Access Motion Pictures, which recently completed "Phantom Punch," a Sonny Liston biopic starring Ving Rhames and directed by Robert Townsend.

From IW: If only Angela Bassett or....anyone else could do this role. *sigh* Never mind....


You probably heard this one. Keshia Knight Pulliam is gonna play a prostitute in "Madea Goes To Jail". Everyone seems to be up in arms over this, but I'm sure ol' girl has bills to pay, and what else have we seen her in lately? Besides, truth be told, if you read the gossip blogs she is waaay past Rudy on the Cosby show.

And speeding in on the "Just Why?" train and narrowly missing one of my "WTF Volumes" is this...from Yahoo:

A "Soul Train" movie is on track to arrive in movie theaters next year, the creator of the venerable urban dance television show said on Thursday.

Don Cornelius told Reuters that he has teamed up with Warner Bros. Pictures to develop a buddy comedy that he hopes will spawn multiple sequels.

The project, currently called "Soul Train: The Movie," revolves around two male dancers on the show who get into "a lot of good stuff and some bad stuff as well," said Cornelius, who will serve as a producer.

It features "lots of music, lots of comedy," he added, as well as "a little bit of violence." He also promised it would be "more than slightly sensual."

"'Soul Train' has always been about sexuality," Cornelius said. "It's almost never been about guys, and almost always about girls. It's what has kept us afloat for these three decades or so."

From IW: What? I can't even comment on all that's wrong with Don and his "genius". Might be time for the home for the elderly....

By the way, the picture above is of some of the original "Soul Trainers". Come to think of it, those dudes look as zesty as that story idea sounds...

Did anyone else see "88 Minutes"? I could not figure out for the life of me why Al Pacino never seemed pressed even once that he had like an hour and a half to live. Not once. Didn't even break a sweat. I love thrillers, but save this one for Showtime, straight up.

And finally, thanks to Villager for bestowing on me the "E For Excellence Award" for my blog. It is wonderful to be recognized amongst your peers, and with the work he does over at Electronic Village ....it makes me proud that he took the time to recognize me and mine. Check him out when you have a chance---he always has very important and relevant information about our folkses and our community. He is building something over there that we can all be proud of.

Hollywood's 6 Favorite Offensive Stereotypes...

Hello all. Just to make you aware, there will be some very minor changes around here while your girl goes mobile and international...fabulosity always requires change, haha. You'll see what I'm talking about in a minute, but until then, here is something I saw today via cooleyhigh's site, from Cracked. It's a bit long, but true, and funny (at least I thought so):

People think of Hollywood as the most liberal place in the known universe, but really that only goes as far as the drugs and orgies are concerned. When it comes to minorities, Hollywood still seems to have a few shamefully corny and simplistic roles in mind. Here's the six Hollywood stereotypes that can't die soon enough:

#6.
The Magic Negro

As Seen in:
The Green Mile, The Legend of Bagger Vance, The Shawshank Redemption, Bruce Almighty, Song of the South

The Magic Negro is a simple, humble person. Perhaps he is a janitor, or a farmer, and he doesn't know anything about those fancy colleges or them modern sciences, but what he knows, he knows from the heart, and that makes it truer than any of your whitey statistics, facts or pie charts.

He can have actual magical powers (Michael Clarke Duncan in The Green Mile) or simply possess an extraordinary level of earthly wisdom (Morgan Freeman in The Shawshank Redemption).

In all cases, the Magic Negro has zero ambitions of his own. His entire existence revolves around the lead white character, whom they help with their simple, rustic wisdom even if it costs them their lives. It's as if they have nothing better to do, which they don't, because the plot is about the white guy achieving his goals.

What's So Bad About That?

Notice that the Magical Negro's powers are not in any way due to his own work or training at all. He's no Batman. And why do they have to be prisoners or janitors again?

Also, notice that they're still acting as the servant here. They only exist in the story to help the lead white character. That's right, black youth of America: even if you discover you have powers that transcend time and space, you'll still wind up serving the white man. Hell, Morgan Freeman's God in Bruce Almighty basically alters the whole fucking universe, just so Jim Carrey can get his priorities straight.

#5.
The Gay/Effeminate Psychopath

As Seen in:
Silence of the Lambs, Stargate, Dune, 3:10 To Yuma, The Powerpuff Girls, Braveheart, The Island of Dr. Moreau, Rob Roy, The Lion King, countless anime.

The Flaming Homo Bad Guy only has one goal in life, to be gayer and more evil than anybody else. If he sees a guy in a salmon-colored shirt and white khakis clubbing a baby seal, the Flaming Homo Bad Guy will put on a pink tutu, gather up some baby seals, kittens and puppies and rent a wood chipper.

He may actually be overtly homosexual (Braveheart) or he may just carry out his evil with a series of effeminate gestures and phrases and show a creepy, semi-erotic fascination with the male hero.

What's So Bad About That?

You may be asking why we included this instead of the "Bad Guy With Foreign Accent" seen in countless action movies--the Die Hard films, just for starters.

The difference there is at least there's usually some sort of reason in the plot why the foreign bad guy is foreign. The movie Red Dawn may have been propaganda, but the bad guys were Russian because it was about a war with Russia, not because Russians are inherently dicks.

The effeminate bad guy, on the other hand, plays right to the insecurities of the young, male audience those movies are aimed at, taking everything they find disgusting about homosexuality and using it to ratchet up the horror.

"Look! A serial killer!"
"Meh."
"And he's dancing around naked in a room full of body parts!"
"That's pretty gross, I guess."
"And he's stuffed his junk between his thighs so he looks like a woman!"
"OH JESUS GET OUT OF MY WAY I'M GOING TO BE SICK."

#4.
The Latina Maid

As Seen in:
Goonies, Maid in Manhattan, Spanglish, Crash, Mad Money, Down and Out in Beverly Hills.

The Latina Maid's role before was usually played by compact Hispanic women between 30 and 60 years old, but now may be played by J.Lo. The entire role has them in the background of the film running around with a vacuum cleaner, or waving a duster around at some vases removing their dust and your dignity at the same time.

But don't worry! The Latina Maid will usually have her time to shine and use her special secret move in the middle of the movie, when she runs into one of the important lead characters doing something "wacky" like cross-dressing, parading in a Hitler costume, or spreading peanut butter on his genitals in front of the family dog.

At this point the Latina maid will do the sign of the cross at lighting speed multiple times and scream "AY, EL DIABLO!" before running away and screaming hysterically, never to be seen in the foreground again.

If you want details you can always ask actress Lupe Ontiveros ...

... Who has been cast as a maid between 150 to 300 times.

What's So Bad About That?

Back in the '50s, Hollywood assumed that by 2000 the American cities would be utopias served by an army of robot servants. So we shouldn't exactly be bursting with pride over the fact that here in the future we've replaced "robots" with "grossly underpaid immigrants."

But why does "Latina Maid" make the list whereas, say, the "Sexy Latino Gardener Who Bangs the Lady of the House" doesn't? The problem is Hollywood has progressed from using the Latina maid as a prop to give those wacky, exaggerated foreigner reactions (i.e., the ending of Goonies) to the more modern, enlightened version where the maid is young and saucy and is the object of lust for the Caucasian male of the house (Maid in Manhattan, Spanglish).

Great job, Hollywood! You've elevated the Latina maid all the way up into "French maid" territory. Can the sexy "Latina maid" Halloween costumes be far behind?

Progress!

#3.
The Mighty Non-Whitey

As Seen in:

The Black Knight, Bringing Down the House, Trading Places, Hairspray, Money Talks, Head of State, Bullworth, Houseguest, Big Momma's House 2.

This is a kind of flip-side to a genre of movie you've seen a hundred times. In those films, the white, American male has to live with a non-white or non-American (or both) culture for some reason. At first, white American doesn't like the other culture, but slowly starts adopting it.

At the end of the movie, the white American saves the day with his whitey know-how and is considered a really awesome member of his new community (see The Last Samurai, Dances With Wolves, City of Joy, etc).

The "Mighty Non-Whitey" takes that idea and turns it around, where the jive-talking black guy winds up in some white-dominated situation and turns their world upside down (see Head of State, where a black man runs for president! Ha!)

What's So Bad About That?

You'll notice that in the white version of this tale, the white man adopts to the other culture and then excels (will not Dances With Wolves' Kevin Costner be remembered as the greatest Sioux of them all?). But with a black actor in the role, suddenly he's the Fresh Prince of Bel Air, a fish out of water, saving the day with dancing, rapping and taking things easy.

At best, the hero is a fast-talking con artist, who's constantly putting one over on the trusting, stuffy whites (Beverly Hills Cop). Usually the tension between cultures is resolved once and for all when the stuffy white man adopts one of his ghetto catchphrases, or, even better, raps a little.

#2.
The Wise, Old, Asian Asshole

As Seen in:

Big Trouble in Little China, Heroes, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Kill Bill, Norbit, any kung fu movie with a training sequence, any movie with a scene inside a dry cleaning shop.

The mean, old, Asian asshole is usually played by old Asians or British actors pretending they are old Asians (more common back in the day when Asians were too Asian to appear in movies, even as Asians).

As its name can attest, the character is mean, old and a gigantic asshole. His entire purpose in life is to hurt and humiliate any person that wanders into his asshole-radius--or, as the scientists call it, the fuckusphere,--with a litany of insults, snappy comebacks or plain kicks and punches delivered with a heavy, vaguely Asian accent and the usual jumbled grammar.

The catch with this one is that often the Asian asshole turns out to be right in the end. Mr. Miyagi goes out of his way to make the Karate Kid's life hell, teaching his skills in the most annoying way possible all while arbitrarily withholding information that would have made the process easier for everyone. But, in the end, he makes the Karate Kid good at karate, which saves him from living a life with an embarrassingly mismatched nickname.

Even a show like Heroes, with its groundbreaking Japanese lead in Hiro, still introduces the stereotypical Old Asian Asshole in Hiro's father. And in the end, wouldn't you know it, it turns out he was right all along! He just felt the need to be a dick about it.

What's So Bad About That?

This one seems to simultaneously play off both our lingering post-World War II nervousness over Japan, and the sense of inferiority Americans have felt since the '80s when we started to realize how much better their cars, TV's and stereos were than ours.

So somehow we wind up with a character who is superior, and who possesses all of the secrets and techniques the white main character needs to succeed, but who for no reason at all will only share them after forcing him to penetrate 13 layers of pure asshole.

#1.
The Cowardly/Incompetent Black Sidekick

As Seen in:
The Fifth Element, Dungeons & Dragons, Die Hard, Superman III, and a lot of movies with Eddie Murphy and Chris Tucker.

A black cop and a white cop teaming up to defeat terrorist drug dealers/baby snuff porn peddlers is a beautiful and totally normal thing. Ebony, ivory, fighting crime together in harmony!

The problem comes when some higher up sees Lethal Weapon, starts messing with the formula and decides that one half of the team should be "funny." Now, there is nothing wrong with being funny, but then what's funnier than a bumbling, incompetent, annoying, cowardly person fighting crime with a serious, hard-as-nails action hero?

Now make a wild guess and tell us which half of the team is the one getting saddled with the non-heroic role?

What's So Bad About That?

If we have to explain why it's bad that the black guy is always the dumb one and the white guy is the invincible action-god, then we probably don't have enough room here to bring you up to speed.

What is interesting is the Bad Boys franchise, where Martin Lawrence plays the cowardly/incompetent black sidekick, but to a partner who is also black, but just in a more acceptable way. Does that still count? If not, why?

We'll leave that to you to figure out. Write a paper on the subject and turn it in by Thursday.

Today In B'Days

Eddie Murphy is 47.

Don't worry, it's his day, so I'll be kind.

Here is a clip of when Eddie was funny (remember that?) from his concert film "Raw". It is 20 minutes long, so only watch it at home or if you're lazin' at work. In the opening scene, you'll see several familiar faces that I didn't recall before...

Do I Need To Start An Eddie Watch?

Sorry, I'm in one of those gossipy moods today....

What kind of cryptic sh*t is this? From Bossip:

Tracey Edmonds had a little bit to say on Johnny Gill’s claims that her guests were being inappropriate at the “wedding”:

“I was very shocked and disappointed to hear of Johnny Gill’s false spin on the chain of events surrounding our wedding. His outrageous lies were clearly a very desperate and pathetic attempt to clean up his reputation at my expense. I would appreciate it if Mr. Gill would refrain from continuing to spread false gossip and lies to the public, and allow everyone involved to move on with their lives. We all know the real truth.”

From IW: Dayum! I have absolutely no problem with Eddie being seen as suspect--I know a few thangs...but Johnny? I just always thought that it was part of that "everybody that's famous is gay" rumor ish. That ensemble in the picture really isn't helping his case.

But all of Eddie's women, Tracey, Scary, and Nicole have made allusions to his "lifestyle" and how hard it was to deal with, without being direct.

Hmmmm.....

Interesting.

Now it all makes sense...this sounds much more plausible than the "we decided to remain friends" story. I try not to gossip too much here, but I am strangely and mildly fascinated with Eddie Murphy's shenanigans. From Celebitchy via Bossip:

We’ve heard plenty of embarrassing stories about what went down in the bizarre pseudo-wedding ceremony between Eddie Murphy and Tracey Edmonds. There have been several reports that their families bickered like crazy. The stories ranged from everything from their mothers going at each other to their kids bickering fiercely. According to the National Enquirer, Tracey and her family all thought they were better than the Murphy’s, and Tracey accused the entire family of being “too ghetto.”

“The families hated each other from the beginning,” a close family friend told The Enquirer. “There were actual screaming matches between relatives.” And it didn’t take long before both Eddie and Tracey were knee-deep in the fray. “Eddie told Tracey that she and her family should stop with the superior attitude, and she fired back criticizing his kin for being too ‘ghetto,’” continued the friend. “Eddie bit his lip thought the entire ceremony - he was steaming about the low blow.
[From the National Enquirer, print edition Feb. 4, 2008]

The Enquirer also says the real problem was Tracey’s money-grubbing family.
“The entire wedding was a fiasco, and it brought to light just how incompatible Tracey and Eddie really are.” Things went from bad to worse after the ceremony, when Tracey and her family members seemed more interested in striking business deals than the wedding, says an insider. “Her mother was pressuring Eddie to buy a new multimillion-dollar Malibu mansion with her as the Realtor - so she’d get the whopping commission. “Then her brother, who’s [sic] a rep for a watch company, put on a full-court press to get Eddie to serve as spokesman for his line.”
[From the National Enquirer, print edition Feb. 4, 2008]

Apparently the biggest problem was Tracey’s brother Michael. According to the anonymous insider, Michael brokered some deal with Jimmy Choo that required getting a bunch of pictures of the bridesmaids in Choo’s shoes, and Michael turned into a bit of a diva in his attempt to make sure the Choos got enough photos.

“Everyone in Tracey’s family, including Tracey, seemed to be trying to work a deal around the wedding and Eddie’s celebrity. And he saw greed instead of love,” said the insider, and eyewitness. “Tracey’s brother Michael was by far the worst of the group. He’d obviously cut a bunch of deals on the side. For instance, the bridesmaids were a walking advertisement for Jimmy Choo shoes. Michael was ordering the wedding photographer to make sure he got all the trademark clothing in the shots. And he was coaching the guests on how to pose in photos. Michael was saying: ‘The Choos! Remember to get the Jimmy Choos in the pictures or else we won’t get our free shopping spree!’” That was the final straw for Eddie.
[From the National Enquirer, print edition Feb. 4, 2008]

[celebitchy] That sounds like a pretty contrived quote. “Remember to get the Jimmy Choos in the pictures or else we won’t get our free shopping spree!’” Who talks like that? I’m going to assume it’s paraphrased. Unless Michael was saying it in jest. Seriously, if that’s true it’s super tacky. The story is pretty biased towards Eddie Murphy, so it should all be taken with a gain of salt. Murphy has long been reported to be a domineering control freak, so I find it kind of hard to believe that he’s the innocent victim in all this. It sounds like he and Tracey were definitely a bad match. In the scheme of things, it sounds like they really narrowly avoided a big disaster. How much closer can you get than marrying the wrong person but not making it legal?

According to E! News, Tracey’s been all over Sundance having a wonderful time. So it looks like everyone managed to escape unscathed.

Top 10 Worst Black Films Of 2007

Alrighty then. Hope you guys had an awesome day yesterday, no matter what you chose to do. I was going to do one of those standard end of the year "Top 10 Best Films of 2007" lists for black film, but guess what? Surprise, surprise, I couldn't think of ten. The really sad part is I couldn't even think of five. Damn.

The big ticket black films of the year, "Why Did I Get Married?" and "American Gangster" were amusing to watch, but nothing more. The fact that they are considering Denzel's performance for a Golden Globe and other such awards just underscores how bare our cupboards are to me.

Here is to hoping 2008 will be a banner year for Black Cinema.....

Anyhoo, I did however have enough fodder for a "Top 10 Worst Black Films of 2007". Surprise, surprise, again (not). These are in no particular order, as I think they were all pretty much equally atrocious. Some of them kinda walk the line for "Black Cinema", but I included them because of their casts, their hype, and high visibility in the Black Blogosphere:

#1

I Think I Love My Wife

When, when, when is Chris Rock finally going to get it that he does not need to ever be in a film of his own making? Just produce (and for heaven's sake no more directing!), or star in a movie that someone, anyone else, wrote. This was a remake of a non-black film that I've seen called "Chloe In The Afternoon", and it was so mangled in it's interpretation that I didn't even know it until I read that fact yesterday.....so he can't even translate someone else's material. Here is a short clip of him talking about how he came to make this film...LMBAO acting like there was some kind of artistic thought/process behind this bulls--t:

#2

Code Name: The Cleaner

The whole time I was watching this (and for the life of me I don't know why I watched it till the end) I kept saying to myself "Why would Cedric make this movie?". It'll be a happy day when Cedric The Entertainer finds a film or a T.V. show that matches his hilarious abilities in his stand-up. As of now--not even close. This is a clip of the one kinda (operative word kinda) funny scene in the movie. If this is the best it had to offer, you can just imagine how dismal the rest was if you haven't seen it:

#3

The Salon

One of the most stock, stereotypical, lazy black films in quite some time, and that's saying a lot. I wrote about it here. They could've had robots make this movie and no one would have noticed the difference. Some foolio named Mike Brooks had a short clip on "youtube" and it looks like he has a very, very small part as "Street Vendor" in the film, and used this scene for his acting reel/resume. It is a perfect snapshot of everything that is wrong in this movie:

#4

Daddy Day Camp

Cuba Gooding. A script even Eddie Murphy wouldn't touch. An already worn to death premise. 'Nuff said. Here is some New York guido with a clip called "What's Going On Cuba?" The ish is low budget and unscripted, but dude is funny as hayell and completely on point:

#5

Confessions Of A Call Girl

Tho this one had an extremely limited release (with good reason) and zero hype, I included it anyway cause Tamala Jones was in it, as was Lynn Whitfield, who must have absolutely nothing else going on whatsoever. This movie was supposed to be a drama, but was so freakin' laughable that I think they need to rethink the genre and make it comedy. I wrote about all the painful details here. I tried to find a clip of this movie, but all that kept coming up was this tired picture, but in a way it's apropos, so here you go....for those of you who don't know, this is Karinne "Superhead" Stefans, infamous groupie, hoe, and bubblehead:

#6

Who's Your Caddy?

What can I say about this movie that hasn't already been said? It came from the "Our Stories" production company that is supposed to be our savior, and make "wholesome, family oriented films that are a reflection of us and our community" (their words). If this movie is a reflection of us, we might as well pack it in right now. The fact that this film, after all of it's extensive hype, only made $2.9 million in it's opening weekend spoke volumes. Here is a clip of some of the actors and Tracey Edmonds talking about some of the scenes like this crapfest was "Goodfellas" or something---SMH. At the end, Tracey says "This summer, there is nothing like our film coming out". Truer words were never spoken.

#7

Perfect Stranger

Halle Berry continues to make horrible film after horrible film, but is still considered A-List. In fact, has she ever, ever, starred in a great film? In a good one? Even a decent one? I'm talking a theatrical release, not television. The state of mainstream acting seems to be that your acting abilities equate to how the public views your face. The more beautiful the perception is, the better actress you are. Makes perfect sense to me (insert sarcasm). Nicole Kidman and Keira Knightly, anyone? Here is a clever mash-up of Halle's movie and the sitcom "Perfect Strangers" with Balki:

#9

Are We Done Yet?

Admittedly, I haven't seen this film, but the Good Lord knows I don't have to to include it on this list. Here is a so-called "Blooper Reel", which is ironic, as this is what this whole film seems to be. It also shows off Nia Long's super-amazing acting abilities:

#9

Smokin' Aces

Not technically "Black Cinema", but a large portion of the main cast was. After the huge hype of Alicia Keys, Common, and Taraji P. Henson being in it, it was a HUGE letdown, from the beginning to the closing credits. I kept waiting for it to get better, and it never did. I didn't even feel like looking for something interesting associated with this movie, so here is the trailer:

#10

First Sunday

I know it hasn't come out yet, but let's just get it over with to make more room for next year's list, kay? Since I posted the trailer the other day, here it is with some super dramatic music some funny genius uploaded on youtube. It changes the tone and context entirely....kinda goes back with what I say sometimes about how important a soundtrack can be to a film:

Btw, "Rush Hour 3" might've taken spots 1 through 6 if it was considered Black Cinema and not a mainstream summer blockbuster. Congrats to Ice Cube, who made this list twice.

Cocoa Colored News....

Blogger was down for quite some time this morning, so I don't have time to post what I wanted to this morning (still preparing for North Carolina), so I'll leave you with news from the fabulous Cocoa Lounge....love! :-)

Cocoa Loungers are always wondering what's next from their favorite actresses. Here's a look at films that have been announced or already in production with Black Hollywood's A-List Scene-Stealers:

Kerry Washington joins Mos Def and Alfre Woodard in Bury Me Standing.

Gabrielle Union and Morris Chestnut are together again for Perfect Christmas. And the busy actress is also in production on sci-fi comedy, Starship Dave, with Eddie Murphy.

Paula Patton co-stars with heavyweights Kevin Costner and Kelsey Grammer in comedy, Swing Vote.

Kimberly Elise re-teams with Denzel Washington for Oprah Winfrey-produced and Suzan-Lori Parks-penned, The Great Debaters.

Zoe Saldana gets bionic in the film version of adventure-hit, Avatar.

Pirate of the Caribbean's, Naomie Harris, joins Keanu Reeves and Forest Whitaker in The Night Watchman.

And Thandie Newton teams with Cocoa Lounge favorite, Idris Elba, and Gerard Butler for the Dramedy, RocknRolla.

From I.W.: Oh snap, I didn't know "The Great Debaters" was written by Suzan Lori-Parks. She wrote that play I saw with Mos Def in it on Broadway, that my early morning brain can't think of the name of right now. Now I feel bad for dissing it in a previous post. This film with Paula Patton sounds OK, but I can't wait to see the one where she is gonna play a pimp.

ps: Is Zoe Saldana black? Everything I've read says she not, but she's always on these black lists....

This N' That

Terrence Howard and Samuel Jackson (of course) will be in the new "Iron Man" movie; let's hope he leaves the Kangol at home and there are fresh baby wipes on the set for Terrence. I have to say I love Robert Downey, Jr., who was terrific in "Zodiac".

Also: P ditty-full is executiive producing the film for the B.I.G. biopic. So much for hopes of a quality crew...

Also: Eddie Murphy calls Melanie Brown and liar and an extortionist. I would say “this is getting ugly,” but it obviously got ugly about 9 or 10 months ago. stereohyped

I Tried To Stay Out Of It (Part 3)

In one of my very first posts, I wrote this open letter to Eddie Murphy about how I felt about the Scary Spice/baby debacle. Well, after reading a comment written to my fellow blogger over at "Rhymes With Snitch" (if this is true), I must say a lot of things make a lot more sense now (namely Eddie's behavior):

When Scary met Eddie...She was coasting into the gas station on the last fumes of her music money. She wasn't broke? Not technically, but she'd had to part with a substantial portion of her fortune when she divorced Jimmy Gulzar and she knew her high-income earning days were long past. At the time she met Murphy, no one was even thinking about a Spice Girls reunion tour, so Scary was on the hunt. Early on it was all good. Problem was, the "relationship" was over before it really had a chance to take off. Scary's positives: her humor, raunchy sex appeal and British accent were overshadowed by an unfortunate truth: she's as common as dirt: loud, tacky and two steps up from the ghetto. Murphy's kids didn't care for her and after she argued with his mother, Murphy decided Scary was done. No explanation necessary. He simply stopped returning her calls. Within days he began to hear rumors that she was pregnant with his baby. Rumors that Murphy simply couldn't believe because hadn't Scary assured him she was on birth control pills before the handful of times they'd had sex? So, when a Dutch reporter questioned him about the baby, Eddie snapped. But deep down he knew. He knew that Mel B had played him like a violin, just as Elizabeth Hurley had likewise played billionaire Stephen Bing.

Months later DNA test results revealed the truth: Eddie was the father of Mel B's baby and she'd made it clear she had played to win. She stepped up her public relations game by talking to anyone who would listen about how Eddie Murphy had done her wrong; she floated the false rumor that she had decided to name her baby girl Daphne "Fortuna" Bay; and had, incredibly, succeeded in having her labor induced—just minutes after midnight—on Eddie Murphy's birthday. By now no one could doubt Mel's seriousness about getting paid. While Murphy had never seriously considered the idea of marrying her—let alone fathering her baby—Mel spun their brief relationship into an engagement gone bad. She demeaned him in public statements every opportunity she could and began laying a groundwork of suspicion about Murphy's "lifestyle," in addition to alleging that the size of his manhood was insufficient to meet her needs. Enter Mr. not-the-son-of-Harry Belafonte, aka Stephen Stansbury. If it's true that like attracts like, then Scary and Stephen are made for each other. Both are street-smart, complicated players with very checkered-pasts. For Mel B, it's a relationship based as much on her wounded pride as anything else. She'd been very publicly dumped by a movie star, and after she proved capable of tricking him into a serious financial obligation, she was branded used and dangerous goods by anyone noteworthy who otherwise might have considered dating her.

Ironically, Mel's big Eddie payday comes just at the time her music career seems on the upswing. With a concert tour scheduled for the fall, she may once again find herself with a fat bank account. Even considering that, her wealth is still microscopic when compared to her band-mate Posh, or Eddie, for that matter, but Scary's expanded purse will prove more than adequate to keep Mr. Bela-whomever in the picture, at least for the moment. Remembering how badly she has been burned by California's community property laws in the past, it will be interesting to see how she conducts her business and personal affairs in the future. As far as Murphy is concerned, it's a closed chapter. When push came to shove he was able to demand that Scary take-or-leave a (hefty) lump sum support payment to bring the matter to a quick close. He has no intention of building a relationship with baby Angel at this time, since that would mean dealing with her mother. But it's probably a safe bet that the public has not yet heard the last of this story, at least from the standpoint of Mel B. Her ways of fighting for what she wants are straight from the gutter and those tactics have served her very well.

From I.W.: Dayuuum. Even I have to admit that Mel's gotten pretty gangsta, what with Gloria Allred as her attorney and meeting his ex-wife Nicole Murphy at The Ivy (a known paparazzi hang-out), of all places. Eddie better be careful before ol' girl writes a book, I'm just sayin.

update: gangsta spice and her attorney, gloria gangsta, are going to be on larry king tonight: 8/8/07

Oh My Damn! Update #2...Wanda just sent me this link....Mel. B's been married to dude since June!

Wowee

From sohh:

Film director Brett Ratner revealed to New York radio station Hot 97 that he is currently working on a new project with an all-star cast including Eddie Murphy, Chris Tucker, Chris Rock, Jamie Foxx and Dave Chappelle.

According to Ratner, Murphy called him to direct the untitled flick, which will star the aforementioned actors as employees of the Trump Tower, conspiring to rip off the building's residents.

Ratner also divulged that Denzel Washington might be added to the cast by the time the flick begins production in January 2008. The movie is presently being put together by Russell Gerwitz, who wrote the script for Inside Man which also starred Washington.

From Invisible Woman: Wow, talk about ego collision. Almost sounds like a black "Ocean's 11", which I heard Ratner was interested in making as well--guess he doesn't have to now. I just hope Dave can keep it together until it's finished.

5 THINGS.......

5 Things I hate about Hollywood:

1) It's complete and total refusal to recognize any other black leads besides Halle Berry, Denzel Washington, Will Smith, and Eddie Murphy (these go for the sexy lists as well, minus Eddie)

2) Ratio of foolio black films to quality ones....still 10:1

3) Blacks still excluded from the upper echelon of studio executives and decision makers

4) Price of going to the movies is almost as much as my PG&E bill (for you non-Californians that's gas and electric)

5) Beyonce still not going away

Anything to add to the list?