A Little Advice: Don't Quit Your Day Job

Ok, I have to get some things in order over the next two days, so a little blog/link love will be given...

In keeping with a theme of sorts that I started yesterday, here are some interesting thoughts on the athlete/actor phenom. I can say that it's pretty safe to speculate that athletes don't make the transistion as well as most rappers....in fact, they make rappers look like DeNiro (exluding my husband The Rock, of course).

The following comes from Screengrab via Supernegro.

above is billy "tai bo" blanks, whose had his share of a nuclear bomb movie or four. he kinda looks like jj on steroids...

Double Team

Dennis Rodman (1997)

Honestly, we hate on Jean-Claude Van Damme too much. Even though the Muscles from Brussels snorted his career away some time ago, he’s fueled an inordinate number of ScreenGrab posts. So we’ll give him a little break this time and note that he was far from the worst thing in the abysmal Double Team. No, that honor goes to Dennis Rodman, the flamboyant, hair-dying, Madonna-dating, wedding-gown wearing, practice-skipping erstwhile NBA power forward (ignore the five Championship rings) who took this lame excuse for an action flick into stratospheric levels of crazy-bad. (Mickey Rourke, then at the height of his creepy plastic stalker phase, didn’t help much either.) You’d think Rodman, as a be-spandexed arms dealer, might have tried to have fun with his ridiculous role — indeed, you’d think that all those dives he took in the NBA would have prepped him for performing in general — but the smirking playfulness that had served him so well in pro basketball didn’t quite work this time. How Michael Jordan ever tolerated this clown for so many years, we’ll never understand.

The Greatest

Muhammad Ali (1977)

We really hate to do this, but here goes: at the height of his career and celebrity, it seemed as if there was no reason that Muhammad Ali could't be a movie star, if he wanted to be, and if it didn't take too much time away from any plans he had to declare himself Emperor of the Universe. All he needed was the right role, a part that would give him the chance to fill the screen with the energy, verbal wit, serpent's cunning and deep humanity at his command, and he finally got it when he played Muhammad Ali in Leon Gast's When We Were Kings, the long-delayed and fully satisfying 1996 documentary record of the 1974 fight in Zaire against George Foreman. But when Ali tried to literally play himself in the biopic The Greatest, none of that really came across. The chance to work with Ali attracted a remarkable cast, ranging from James Earl Jones as Malcolm X, John Marley as the ringside doctor Ferdy Pacheco, and Roger E. Mosley as Sonny Liston to Robert Duvall and Paul Winfield in what are virtually bit parts, but Ali must have seen the movie as a chance less to explore his past than to clean up and sanitize it; he comes across as such a dull, nice guy it's hard to know why anyone would want to make a movie about him. A couple of years later, Ali delivered his only other major "acting" performance in the controversial, syndicated TV miniseries Freedom Road, and in the process confirmed that while he couldn't play himself un-self-consciously, he also couldn't play someone else without giving the impression that he couldn't wait to get back to being Muhammad Ali. He put his art into his life, which is why he was made for documentary film.

From IW: That's pretty darn bad when you can't even play yourself.

He Got Game

Ray Allen (1998)

Given his love of the game, when word got out that Spike Lee was directing a movie about a young basketball prodigy, many thought this had a chance to be one of the director’s best films. Once it was released, however, those people were quickly proven wrong. While Spike’s ridiculous script and unnecessary sub-plots should be blamed for a large part of the film’s failure, casting Ray Allen, especially in a movie that featured so little actual basketball, certainly didn’t help. No disrespect intended: Allen is an all-around nice guy, and he’s still playing at a very high level in the NBA; but thespian he is not. Putting him in scenes with one of the world’s greatest living actors, Denzel Washington, probably wasn’t the best game plan for success either. Allen fared a little better in his scenes with Rosario Dawson, but for the most part his reactions are stiff, his delivery is flat, and it feels like he is still running lines in dress rehearsal throughout the film. We’re going to throw up a prayer from half-court and wager he didn’t major in theater during his three years at UConn.

From IW: This is one I don't necessarily agree with, as it is one of my faves. I have to admit tho, it would've been very different without Denzel.

Black Caesar

Woah.

The Hammer Speaks....

Goin' back to Cali in the morning, but wanted to share this one post for the weekend...

Earlier in the week I had a post on colossal dumbass and keystone-cop caper cohort O.J. Simpson. I remarked on how different he was from the other actor/football greats of the time. I didn't know how very right I was....

This was forwarded to me by Eric Easter who works at Ebony/Jet, and it's a very interesting interview/perspective from Fred Williamson aka "The Hammer". Who woulda thunk Black Caesar was so philosophical?

What Does The Hammer Think?

First Up: The Juice Friday, September 21, 2007

Fred Williamson has opinions about a lot of things, but most tough guys play it close to the vest. Fortunately for us he's a very generous guy. Introducing the first of what will become a regular sit down with The Hammer.

So what’s your feeling on OJ’s latest situation?

The Juice has a nickname now: Teflon Simpson, because nothing sticks.

Some people are saying he was set up? Do you think he was?

It’s no doubt that he was set up but that doesn’t excuse the fact that he went in and did something he was not supposed to do. Being set up has nothing to do with the crime. The crime was very simple: he went in, took some property that he said was his. But, the way to do that is to call the police, say “that’s mine” and sort it out from there. Anytime you go into a place and take something out, you are a thief. But, the charges that are being brought against him will be dropped one at a time, I’m sure. He’ll probably be convicted of a misdemeanor, a slap on the wrist, a fine.

Does OJ think he’s above the law?

I play a lot of golf – three, four times a day. Great character analysis comes out on the golf course. The way a man reacts on the course is a true measure of his character. OJ he’s a golf club thrower, he kicks the green, he makes holes in the green. The guy is not in control of himself. Golf brings out this quality in people. The way a guy handles himself, handles adversity on the golf course is the way that man is in life. It’s a true measure – works every time. The most obnoxious human being on the golf course is the man who throws his clubs, kicks the ground. There’s no worse swing than Charles Barkley’s, we all know that. And when he misses a shot, he laughs. It’s funny to him. OJ goes berserk. It’s quite clear he is a man not in control of himself.

What happens when a career is over?

What about the need for visibility and OJ’s need to always be the center of attention?It’s a major problem for any athlete who has been high profile to suddenly become a commoner. Luckily, I was able to make a transition from being a star on the football field to being a success in the movie industry. They have a psychological program now, just came about in the last five years, to help players who have difficulty merging into society as Joe Commoner. You’re always only as good as the last touchdown you scored or the last field goal you made. America is always looking for the next superstar to come up, to break the record. It’s a very difficult transition for a lot of people to make.OJ did a couple of movies, as most superstars will do when they retire to take advantage of their popularity, but that’s really all there is. If that doesn’t go well, then they’re easily and quickly forgotten. And that’s OJ’s problem – he doesn’t want to ever be in that situation where people will say “What ever happened to…” That’s a very difficult situation to overcome where you’ve been a superstar and then you walk around in a hotel lobby and nobody recognizes you. That’s something that all superstars and all ex-athletes fight.

How does that impact personal relationships?

It all depends on whether or not you are trying to hide out or trying to accomplish something and don’t get recognized. I mean I walk through the airport and get called Jim Brown and Richard Roundtree all the time, and I know I don’t look like either one of those guys. Jim Brown’s fat and bald-headed and Richard Roundtree is ugly. When I get called that I laugh and joke and tell them I’m the good-looking one, I’m The Hammer, and they say, oh yea, yea, yea.

If you could give Juice one bit of advice about how to handle himself now, what would it be?

Well, he needed that advice from me about a month ago. But, it would be ‘go to Mexico. Go to Spain. Lay low somewhere for two years so we don’t hear about you'. People will forget. People would forget about OJ and let OJ come back into society and do something that is positive, but he has to stay out of the limelight. And that’s his problem: he has to stay in the limelight so people will never say “What happened to OJ?” My advice to him is to leave the country. Go away.

Do you think he enjoys this pariah status? Is it something he’s grasped onto now? That being hated is his claim to fame?

Look at the expressions on OJ’s face as he walks with his hands cuffed behind him, as he walks into the courtroom. There’s no sadness. There is no remorse. The guy always has a smile and a smirk on his face. He’s very smart. After being acquitted of his other situation, he knows how far to go.He’s never been prosecuted for any of the things he’s done – from the road rage to the 911 calls. He knows where the edge is and he never steps over. I guarantee you that OJ did not know that those goons he brought into that hotel room had guns; guarantee that it was never his intention for anybody to come in there and do gangster stuff. He brought guys in there that were big enough and ugly enough to scare most anybody. You don’t need guns. You already outnumber everybody in the room.

So you think it just went horribly wrong.

Went horribly wrong because of the guns. Take the guns out and you don’t really have any serious crimes against OJ. His ranting and raving and all that? There’s no crime. The fact that he went in to take some memorabilia that he had signed is kind of ridiculous because all he has to do is go out and get some more jerseys and sign them again. For him to go in to do this was a calculated publicity stunt. Its OJ’s name. all he has to do is go into the room next door and say ‘this is the real stuff. That stuff over there is phony stuff'. So you gotta know that he wanted a little publicity, a little something that went in his favor – ‘my stuff was stolen’. The guns put it on a whole other level.

Do you think that he’s being tried for this crime, or for his acquittal over Ron & Nicole?

Its gonna really be difficult to find a jury that would not think he got away with something the first time and now we have a chance to vindicate that situation.

Who would be a jury of his peers?

I would say women. Women are more forgiving. Women are more understanding. When you go to these shows and you see OJ or see him walking through the airport, he is surrounded by women. Women want his autograph. Women are infatuated by this guy, more so than guys. If this jury was made up more of women, he’d have a much better chance of being acquitted.

Why is that? What still attracts people to him?

He’s still a football icon. But now, he’s someone who’s dangerous. There’s a sense of danger about OJ, so if you get something that has OJ Simpson’s name on it, years from now they’ll be saying ‘here’s the guy who got away with murder.' And the guy who did this, it becomes a double sense of something that’s valuable. From football player to dangerous man; it all adds to the credibility of owning something that was signed by OJ.

Same for the golf course?

That he still has buddies who want to play with him?He was the best man at somebody’s wedding! This guy could have found a bunch of people other than OJ, but for him, for life, when somebody mentions OJs name he’s going to say ‘Yeah, he was best man at my wedding.’ So this guy has something that he can talk about ‘til the day he dies.

How do you determine who are the genuine people in your life?

That’s impossible to do. As with everything in life, a friend is a friend only when you need them. That’s when true friendship shows itself. Only when you need somebody and they’re there, do they become classified as a friend. Until then, they’re acquaintances. If you’re an athlete you gotta assume that everybody wants a piece of you for some particular reason, either financially or socially. That’s just the way it is.

Do you think OJ has true friends?

I think he has a whole bunch of hanger-oners who want to say ‘I know OJ. I played golf with OJ. I had a drink with OJ. I’ve been to OJ’s house. OJ bumped into me at the airport. OJ stepped on my foot coming out of a building’. Everybody wants a piece of OJ.

If there was some mandatory training for dealing with life outside of that arena, what would it look like?

It’s impossible, because we’re public figures. People see us and they feel they own us. There is no sense of privacy. If I’m sitting somewhere in a restaurant, people will come up and grab me by the arm and say 'I don’t mean to disturb you,' -- holding my arm the whole time while I'm trying to eat a sandwich -- 'but just sign this.' And if you don’t sign it, they walk away cursing at you. If you say to them, ‘but sir, I was just about to eat this sandwich. Can you give me five minutes?’ If you say that to them: Come back in five minutes? You have annoyed them, you have pissed them off and they walk away talking about you like a dog. It’s just something we have to deal with everyday. If people pay money to see you, and they’ve seen you in a public venue, they feel like they have a relationship with you. Even though you don’t know who they are, you have no relationship with them, they feel like they have this relationship with you, so they don’t mind invading your privacy. It’s how you deal with it that affects who you are and affects the way in which they respect you.

Samuel Jackson, Kerry Washington Team Up

This one might be interesting; thrillers are my favorite film genre. Kerry and Samuel will star in "Lakeview Terrace". The plot?

"An LAPD officer (Jackson) will stop at nothing to force out the interracial couple who just moved in next door. "-IMDB

I don't know who is playing who, but I hope Kerry Washington is the wife. It's in post-production and due out next year.

Speaking Of Irritating Actors....

I have not been down with Wesley after hearing the rumor that he thinks all black women monolithicly suck. Well guess what Wesley, your movies suck too! And now you can add this to your list. From stereohyped:

For a split second there, I was sort of believing Wesley Snipes that he was innocent of the tax fraud charges against him. But now that I hear about him stiffing his management agency $1.7 million, I’m seeing a financial pattern of sorts.

Perhaps he got enough money from "Gallowwalker", "The Contractor", and the appropriately named "Hard Luck" — his last three movies on IMDB — to make this little problem of his go away quickly. Common sense says no, though.

Nino Brown would never have found himself in such a pickle.

From I.W.: Gallowalker, The Contractor and Hard Luck? bwahahaha......a looong way from Nino Brown and New Jack City, yes? Think about it Wes, all of your best work was in black, yes, black film. Maybe if you kept going that route the creditors wouldn't be a'knockin' at de do'.

Uhhh....yuck

Ok, I had a bit of down time today, and of course being the blog addict that I've become I decided to put up a couple of posts. It's also a special day, for it is the first day of my official TERRENCE WATCH.

As a couple of my readers suggested, he "should be on daily blast". So that's right, every idiotic, hypocritical statement he makes, every backward, slickback manpurse carrying outfit, every girl he dates that is not the saint he supposedly said he wanted will be here. If I see it, you'll see it, and I will be vigilant until he goes away or shuts the f__k up, so it might be a minute.

First up, from Dlisted:

Terrence Howard infamously said a few weeks ago that he would only date a woman that uses baby wipes on her a-hole and gina. He said toilet paper does not get the area clean enough. Obviously, he has issues with cleanliness or so he says!

Page Six is reporting that Kim Kardashian may be stepping out on Reggie Bush with Terrence Howard! COME ON TERRENCE! That tramp is as clean as a truck stop urinal in the summertimes!

A source said the two were making out at Butter in NYC last week. "They were all over each other. She was sitting on his lap and he was rubbing her butt."

He was trying to make a wish!

Terrence obviously doesn't care about hygiene if he's hooking up with that whore of whores. Ugh, Terrence all the baby wipes in the Universe can't help that girl. I'm sorry.

From IW: and I reiterate-yuck.

p.s: that new ascot thing going on these days, terrence? not the look.

Update: From Dlisted: It was reported earlier that Terrence Howard and Kim Kardashian were making out at Butter in NYC last week. Kim denies all of this to UsWeekly and thinks the witnesses confused her with Terrence's girlfriend, Miss USA Rachel Smith. Rachel's the hotness that fell on her ass during the Miss Universe contest.

One Of The Most Important Films Of Our Time....

Hi all...a couple of things: I might not post for a day or two, as I'll be making my way back to Cali...no offense to my folkses in NC, but thank God! haha Also, don't forget to wear black today in solidarity with our brothers and sisters to free the Jena Six. Blessings to those who are able to go; I can't wait to hear how it goes.

Anyway, I'll leave you with a couple of reposts of the important classic film "Action Jackson" starring Carl Weathers and Vanity. First up is a blogger you may not be familiar with, Tony Majestic, aka TM. His blog "I Can't Believe I Rented It" is slim, but hilarious. The following review is a bit long, but had me laughing all the way through...enjoy:

I Can't Believe I Rented It - Action Jackson

The only way this movie could be any more awesome is if they retroactively added “Eye of the Tiger” to the soundtrack and a training montage. That would take it off the scale of recordable words of human speak and into the realm of telepathy between dogs or the binary language of moisture vaporators. It’s got action, it’s got explosions, and it’s got both Vanity’s and Sharon Stone’s exposed breasts. I could end this review right now and you’d completely understand.

I never saw “Action Jackson” when it first came out. Even at the age of 10, I just didn’t like the look of the whole thing. I mean, he was a black guy, so naturally, his name had to rhyme? I seriously thought about these things as a child. I’ll tell anyone who will listen about how I never liked the Junkyard Dog or Roadblock from G.I. Joe because I couldn’t identify with their stereotypical antics, like dancing all time or talking in rhyme. So, I took a pass on “Action Jackson” assuming it would be more of the same.

Then, when I was visiting some friends back in Jackson, “Action Jackson” was put on and they all crowded around the TV to watch, because they loved this movie. I didn’t watch it all, but I did see one part that piqued my curiosity…Action Jackson ran down a speeding taxi on foot. I thought to myself, “This movie must be terrible. I have to see the rest.” So one day when I was in Wal-Mart, the Devil’s Store, I saw it in the five dollar bin. I bought it, and probably three or four other movies that I didn’t need to get.

That movie sat on my movie rack, in the plastic, for about two years. Then, yesterday came, and feeling the need to make fun of something, I decided to finally watch it. And you know what? This is probably the most awesome thing I’ve seen all day. And I don’t feel bad ruining it for you if you haven’t seen it, because the movie’s almost 20 years old. Personally, I’m hoping for a 20th anniversary DVD to be released, with updated pictures of Apollo Creed, who plays Action Jackson, so I can see if he’s still wearing eyeliner.

This movie has every 80’s action movie cliché. A disgraced, over the top, renegade cop that’s living on the edge, a police chief that’s breathing down his neck, a respectable businessman who’s actually a murderous scumbag, complete with henchmen, hot women who get naked, the monologue where the bad guy details his plot to the hero, the romance between the hero and his love interest, no matter how trifling or shady the girl actually is, and let us not forget, the clever quips during and after the fighting. Not to mention, in true 80’s fashion, explosions where there probably shouldn’t be explosions (because in the 80’s, gas tanks were protected by a layer of aluminum foil wrapped in dynamite) and the rotating cast of men that you will only recognize from other 80’s action movies. It’s possible that I have a genetic defect that won’t allow me to dislike this movie.

What else does it have? It also has a scene that is so ridiculous that it came through the mists of time to embed itself in my brain, slap it in the face, and force it to make me spend $5.88 on this DVD.

Sharon Stone (because I couldn’t be bothered to remember her movie name) and Action Jackson are crossing the street, when Sharon makes the mistake of asking out loud why he’s called “Action.” In movies, you just don’t do things like that, because the Spirit of Dramatic Irony will be forced to drop an anvil on you or make zombies come out of the sewers. In this case, he sent a guy in a taxi to run them over, right on cue.

They jump out of the way, and at this point, the computer in his head starts giving him options. He can A:) Make sure the girl is safe. B:) Call for back-up. C:) Chase down a speeding cab on foot. And in true 80’s action movie fashion, he decides to pick the most ridiculous option possible, but because he’s black, he has to give it some flavor. So for a good two minutes, he’s running alongside a car that’s moving at least 50 miles an hour, yelling at the guy to pull over. The guy just sneers that 80’s henchman sneer at him and keeps driving, so Action Jackson leaps off of the ground, onto the roof of a parked car, and soars through the air and lands on the roof of the cab.

The henchman starts to swerve to get him off, but Action Jackson has the Grip of Righteousness on his side, so he stays on. Then, the guy starts shooting at the roof of the car, but that never works and all it does is piss off Action Jackson, a mistake that he warns you throughout the movie that you should never make, because it gives him superpowers or something. So he punches through the wind shield, which he could do without slicing his hand to ribbons because he braced himself, and starts grabbing on the guy, who slams on the brakes.

Action Jackson flies off the hood and rolls about half a mile down the road, and without a scuffed knee or anything, jumps to his feet and starts screaming nonsense at the guy, who sneers again and slams on the gas. And just when you thought the ridiculous couldn’t get no more ridiculouser, Action Jackson leaps into the air, clears the car by at least three feet, does a flip in the air and sticks the landing, just as the cab somehow leaves the ground and crashes into the building at the end of the street. The only reason this doesn’t cause an explosion was because Action Jackson had to get down there and see that the guy somehow got away without a trace.

And right after that, Sharon Stone winds up getting killed by Coach (Craig T. Nelson), who is her husband and the main bad guy. Coach frames Action Jackson for her murder and that sets up another 80’s mainstay: Action Jackson is on the run for a murder he did not commit and must clear his name and expose the insidious plot. While he was on the run, he hooked up with Vanity, who is Coach’s mistress, and forced her to help him because Coach was trying to kill her, too. Vanity spent a good half hour trying to get Apollo to give her the business, but he didn’t, because he was trying to get ready for the fight with Rocky. Or keep them alive. I can’t remember which.

I fail to see how you could walk away from a movie like this without a smile on your face. The only person who probably wasn’t happy with the results was Vanity, who played the junkie with a heart of gold (and panties of imagination). She was finally exposed as someone should only be holding a mic if she’s handing it to someone else AND as an actress who should only be called in if the waitress at the café down the street gets hit by a bus. If she’s ever worked again, it’s proof to me that she gives really good head.

I still liked “7th Heaven” though. That’s probably the best nonsensical song I’ve ever heard. And I liked “Action Jackson,” too, even if they expect me to buy that this cop was so dangerous that they took his gun license away, yet kept him employed as a cop. Or if they expect me to believe that one can drive a Ferrari at top speed through a crowd of people without hitting anyone before going up two or three flights of stairs. Or if they expect me to believe that Coach is a threat to anyone except Stuart or Luther.

For all its faults, I still loved it. I think I loved it because of its faults, mostly because they just don’t make movies like this anymore, and if they do, they call those “direct-to-DVD,” and usually those are so bad that they make my skin burn. It was a nice little throwback to the days when you could invent drinking games based on the cast or the amount of explosions in the movie. Next time you and your friends get together, put this movie on and every time you see a guy that you saw in another 80s action movie, you have to name the movie he was in and take a shot. You also have to take a shot for every explosion. I expect to see more than a few of you in the ICU or a liver transplant list.

Watch this movie because I saw Carl Weathers in some commercial last week for a product I couldn't even name. He's about one stint in rehab away from winding up on "the Surreal Life." He could use our support right now.

Apollo Creed and The Negro Justice League....

This review of the classic "Action Jackson" weighs in from one third of the league, Supernegro:

Action Jackson: Breeding Ground of Mediocrity

By all accounts Action Jackson is a bad movie; even if you list the flick as among your bad movie night faves (as I do), the unnecessary boobage, cartoon violence, and unbelievable stunts - such as Carl Weathers outrunning a speeding taxi - pushes this movie from the realm of the action to '80s super-cheese.

Although the movie may have sunk Carl Weathers' shot at a successful solo movie career, Action Jackson was the breeding ground - or is that cesspool? - for developing the careers of a couple of Tinsel Town noobs, while highlighting the veteran ability of others.

[Following are] some of the semi-bigtimers who help funk this stinker up:

Bill Duke

A year after he tore up the jungle hunting an invisible alien in Predator, The Dukester donned a suit and glasses as Captain Armbruster in Action Jackson. While Carl Weathers may have gotten the top billing, Duke's imposing presence and deranged eyes kind of made you hope that he'd reach across his desk and bleed Jackson real quiet and leave him there. But he didn't. Which sucked.

Sharon Stone

Sharon Stone is only good at two things: keeping her non-acting mouth shut and showing her tits. In Action Jackson, she doesn't have many lines and flashes her teets, making for an all-around stellar performance by the future Basic Instinct star. Note: In a typical bout of Hollywood shenanigans to make this movie more palpable to White audiences, Sharon Stone's face engulfs the entire movie poster, totally dwarfing Weathers and Vanity. Note Again: Her character's two-bit, dying half-through the film.

Craig T. Nelson
Craig T. Nelson is known for three things: starring in Poltergeist, starring in Coach, and starring in pure shite between those two ventures. Nelson is Action Jackson's antagonist, a pseudo-mob boss/car manufacturer/kung-fu master (no joke) who controls a squad of ninja-like goon that bump off the heads of other auto-makers. Some would perceive him to be a cold-hearted bastard for clapping his own wife, but considering Sharon Stone's ability, I welcomed by murderous ninja-boss.

Vanity
When I was 13, Vanity was the hottest woman on the planet, at least according to my adolescent penis. But looking back at her at her portrayal of Sydney Ashe, Craig T. Nelson's walking glory hole, drug addict, and singer, I deem her the anti-sexy. Not only is her dialogue stiff, but her dancing looks like what would happen if she simultaneously had a heart attack, stroke, and a seizure. Twinkle toes she ain't.

De'Voreaux White
Although he's best known as Bruce Willis' chauffeur in Die Hard, White had other outstanding roles in his long Hollywood career: he excelled as the crackhead Lucky in Trespass, one of the many nerds in Head of the Class, and in Action Jackson as...as...I've sincerely forgotten which character he was, which speaks volumes in regards to his role selection.

- Jay Wilson

From I.W: I remember a couple of things about this movie....

-It was filmed in my hometown of Oakland, CA. I saw a couple of scenes being shot, and remember Carl Weathers walking around like he was God's gift to creation...I marveled at how he didn't know how ridiculous he looked with eight pounds of orange Fashion Fair pancake make-up and enough eyeliner to make Mary Kay proud.

-I had an associate who bragged to anyone who would listen that she had lunch with Carl on the set, and remember thinking "who gives a f__k?" No haterade involved whatsoever.

And really, what happened to De'Voreaux White? He was kinda weird to me, and the fact that he made out on "Head of the Class" with Richard Pryor's daughter Rain made him even more so (tho he looked like he hated every minute of it). Milk carton alert anyone?

Damn-this was the only picture I could find of him..when he was a kid in "The Blues Brothers". Is he still alive?

Taxi!

Since both Supernegro and Tony Majestic mention this scene from "Action Jackson" I thought I'd brighten your day with this bit of hilarity...

I also wanted to post Vanity's monumentally and unbelievably shiteous video "Such A Pretty Mess On My Dress", but the embedding was disabled. If want to really make your day, take a look at it here:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=fub8EXoMShc

Peaceful Journey, Percy Rodriquez

He was one of those dudes that you always saw, and thought was dignified and talented, but never really knew the name. Now you do...he passed away this past week. He was truly one of our community's breakthrough black actors that did not step into the mold that was thrust upon us in Hollywood.

I Love A Good Martini, But Damn....

This is about a different Morgan....from Stereohyped:

Oh, Tracy. Tracy! Just a little while longer and you would have been in the clear, free to shrivel your liver on your own time, without your SCRAM recording your every beer, your every patron shot, your every…you get the picture. Was it the 30 Rock Emmy win? Was it the divorce? Whatever it was, you drank some alcohol, SCRAM and all, and now you have to wear the device for another 80 days. If you cheat again, it’s 30 days in jail. Call me a bleeding heart, but what good is a SCRAM going to do for a man clearly addicted to alcohol? Can someone sentence him to a stint at Promises, please?

From I.W.: I love love love "30 Rock". Did I mention how much I love it? Tracy better not f__k it up.....

ps: why does he keep thinkin that shirt up showin' the belly thing is cute? I'm just sayin'...

Fourth Husband News....

Yes, more from my geriatric husband, haha...from Black Talent News:

Morgan Freeman has been cast in Yari Film Group's "The Lonely Maiden." Christopher Walken and William H. Macy have also been cast in the comedy which is a co-production with Macy's Dog Pond Prods., Paris Film Inc. and Freeman's Revelations Entertainment.

According to Variety, the story "centers on three museum security guards who have become attached to the artwork they've watched over for decades. When they learn their beloved pieces are to be transferred to another museum, they concoct a scheme to "steal" them back."

Peter Hewitt ("Garfield") will direct from a script by Michael LeSieur, who also wrote "You, Me and Dupree." Lori McCreary and Freeman, co-founders of Revelations Entertainment, will produce with Bob Yari and Rob Paris. YFG will finance and distribute "The Lonely Maiden" and is scheduled to start shooting on Nov. 12 in Boston.

Freeman can next be seen in "The Feast of Love," which MGM opens Sept. 28.

From IW: I like William H. Macy and Christopher Walken (I even forgive him for that hot garbage I just saw him in "Balls Of Fury"). This might be one for a matinee. Sorry for this picture of Morgan, but I thought it was funny.

Love and Basketball

I love Sanaa Lathan, but she is usually teamed up with men who irk me in her films; Wesley Snipes, Omar Epps, Taye Diggs. She always comes across as intelligent, sweet, beautiful and genuine though, so it makes me more forgiving toward her co-stars. This is a scene where her realness really comes through....

Did you know she is a Yale School Of Drama graduate?

Today in B'Days

Sanaa Lathan is 36.

Everyone Must Have One Helluva Mortgage Payment

Okay this is probably the last one of these bootleg reviews you're gonna get for a while...I am headed back to civilization on Saturday after a month in the country, and it'll be mainstream talk for sometime, cause I can't take another one of these j-list movies. They are hard to write about, because I'm so overwhelmed with so many thoughts it's hard to condense into a short post, and I also can't understand why people take valuable time and effort to make films like these.

There is only one movie theatre within 40 miles, and they have been showing the same 3 month old movies since I arrived. The only alternative is the only Blockbuster within those same 40 miles. It's weird, they have an extensive black movie section (all seem to be straight to DVD) and even tho I haven't heard of most of them, a surprising amount have major Black Hollywood stars in them.

This movie is one third star, one third bootleg, and one third milk carton alert. It's called "Confessions Of A Call Girl" and features Tamala Jones, Lynn Whitfield, and the subject of what was going to be my next milk carton alert, Bokeem Woodbine (who Thembi says is now in a rock band--?!).

The problem starts with casting Bokeem as a high powered corporate attorney. Wah? I've known more than a few attorneys in my time, and none of them had a rough, thick, guttural Bronx type accent. Not to say that it couldn't happen, but I'm just sayin'....he's about as attorney as my yorkie terrier. Anyway, Tamala Jones plays his wife. She is a well respected doctor that has her own extensive clinic during the day, and is a high-priced call girl at night. Guess being a doctor with a heavy caseload clinic doesn't keep you busy enough. Realistic so far....

Lynne Whitfield plays her therapist, and Tamala "confesses" her sins and tries to work them through. Their encounters border on scary hilarity and soft porn, as one of the therapist's "methods" is supposedly "rolfing"-- which in this film involves a lot of massage in the breast and lower regions in bra and panties. It's funny, being a Cali girl, the rolfing I know just involves a lot of hippie-type laying of hands, incense, and wheatgrass juice; as harmless as going to the health food store.

So over the course of the movie we are treated to one ludicrous story after another about the doctor's so called sexual "adventures", that came out of screenwriting 101 (at the cost of a laughable $10,000 per tryst). One likes her to ride him like a horse, (complete with saddle), one likes to wear women's clothes under his suit, and then there is the priest.

Lo and behold, there is the subject of another one of my upcoming milk carton alerts, Roger Guenveur Smith. I always thought this dude was completely weird and creepy in every way, and I am happy to report that everything is still there, with the added bonus of a severely receded hairline; the long creepy "Under The Cherry Moon" Prince looks, the affected, fake hesitations and drawls when he speaks, the feeling that he is only aware of himself in the movie, and not even one cast or crew member. Their scene together is one of the oddest I've seen for a while.

In all of these scenes there is plenty of dirty talk, which I'm all for, but it is strangely unsexy, stepping over a thin line into just embarrassing. I found my mind wandering a lot (which is not supposed to happen when there is sex in front of you).....where did she get all those fly clutch bags from? Why doesn't Bokeem get his teeth fixed? Where did all of these horrible wigs come from? Was the hairstylist a relation? Is there any movie Clifton Powell won't do? Why are the two doctors wearing frosty pink lipstick? And so on...

The funny thing is, the doctor/callgirl doesn't do anything most women would probably do for free. To wrap it up, there's one dude that is obsessed with the doctor, and chews up the scenery like Godzilla on steroids. Amazingly, it is the dude that plays the boxer Cutty on "The Wire". Hope he's holding on tightly to those residual checks and investing wisely, cause if this movie is indicative of his acting skills, he's toast. He goes to the doctor's house, wreaks havoc on her and her whole family's lives, and then it abruptly stops with an ending so absurd I was left with my mouth hanging open. It seems like they had seven different endings, stuck them up with post-its on the wall, and played "pin the tail on the ending".

This one is meant for insomniac Cinemax/Showtime After Dark viewing only.

The Black Hollywood Trinity....

This came from one of my favorite fellow blogger's homes, Funky Fly Fresh, whose comments are titled "Cop, Gangster, Outsider":

Jamie. Denzel. Fresh Pri… er, Will. When’s the last time you remember three black actors at point in three major Hollywood movies coming out in the same season? Could be we need to save this moment in a time capsule or something. ‘Course, as my #1 homie in the world Invisible Woman tracks, the sistahs still struggle to be repped fairly on the screen. And while I haven’t seen any preview screenings of these films, when I look at the roles that the current Black Hollywood Trinity are playing, I gotta wonder how far we’ve really come.

The Kingdom (out Sept 28): I like that Michael Mann is producing this project, I think he’s one of the most underrated filmmakers in the country (I even dug the much maligned Miami Vice movie). He’s always done right with black characters in my mind, and he obviously had a hand in casting Foxx for this flick. And I believe Mann’s influence means that the story will at least try to bring some kind of critical thinking about US intervention in the middle east to the folks that will be going to see explosions and ‘evil arabs’. The problem is, I don’t find Foxx all that interesting as an actor. He can mimic Ray Charles real good, but I thought he was just kinda boring in Vice and Jarhead. And I wonder what he’s doing taking all these military/cop roles lately… he seems to be copying Wesley Snipes’ unfortunate career arc.

American Gangster (out Nov 2): Aw yeah, homie, our very own black Scarface! Chocolate Godfather! Just what we need. I wanna like this movie. I can’t wait to see Denzel and Crowe chew up the screen together. I’m never one to say that a film about a black drug-dealer/gangster is automatically going to be bad. I just don’t think that this is the story. Sure, Frank Lucas played the system, ingeniously smuggling drugs into Harlem in the coffins of soldiers killed in Vietnam. And he got away with it for long enough to make millions, probably because the authorities could not believe that a country black boy could ever work it like he did. But anyone who knows a little about the real Lucas (POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD!!) knows he got caught (not very dramatically). And he served less than nine years of his sentence, which means he must have rolled (not very gangster). And he now lives the quiet life, a happy old man who still keeps in touch with one of the prosecutors that put him away (not very Scarface). I’m more afraid of the possible wasted talent on this project than the negative stereotypes.

I am Legend (out Dec 14): There are a lot of nasty posts on imdb’s forums with outraged armchair racists raging about a black man playing the lead character Robert Neville in this latest version of Richard Matheson’s 1954 novella. It sucks that I gotta agree with these assholes, although for very different reasons.Reason one: I can’t stand Will Smith (sorry ladies). The only thing I’ve seen where it felt like he was actually acting was Ali, and I give all the credit to Mann’s direction. And don’t even ask me what I think of his rapping skills.Reason Two: I’ve read the book, and if they stick to the original ending (POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD!!), there’s gonna be a lynching a’coming at the end, although it’ll be vampire/zombies doing it instead of rednecks. Even if they do change the ending to Smith saving the day with some snappy catch-phrase (he can reuse some of the ones from Independence Day, I’m sure no one will notice), Neville is still becomes a misguided rebel/terrorist trying to take down society from the outside. Suddenly casting a black man in the role doesn’t seem so progressive.Of course, they’ll probably add in some hot girl character immune to the zombie-virus that Neville will have to rescue, they defeat the zombies, and ride off to do the nasty in order to save the human race (insert catch-phrase here). If this is the case, it probably ain’t a movie I’ll wanna see regardless of the color of the lead actor.

From IW: I am looking forward to seeing two out of three of these...guess which ones?

Today in B'Days

One that I have always had very strong mixed feelings about personally and professionally, Jada Pinkett-Smith, is 36.

Plenty Of Zest For Everyone This Weekend...

Tangy Terrence Howard was in two films over the weekend "The Hunting Party" with Richard Gere, and "The Brave Ones" with Jodie Foster. Since they're not black cinema, and this blog was created specifically for that, I won't get into the box office, etc., but if anyone has seen either, please leave a comment and let me know what you think.

I see Terrence is due to play Thurgood Marshall in the upcoming "The Crusaders".

*sigh*

More on that later, but he does seem to be becoming the new Halle Berryish "go-to" black person any time there calls for one.

Today in B'Days

Malik Yoba, so sexy in New York Undercover, who has completely lost his swagger and is always in dire need of lip moisture is 40.

Doug. E. Fresh, who starred in a movie I have in my archives called "Let's Get Bizee" where he ran for political office, is 41. Still holds it down to put on one of the best live shows you'll ever see.

Bye Bye O.J.

In honor of foolio O.J. Simpson's dumb, arrogant ass finally getting his, I will post a movie he was in years ago called "Capricorn One".

People sometimes forget that O.J. spent a couple of decades as a "thespian", but I don't recall him ever being in anything that is considered black cinema (that figures). It's odd cause all of the other back in the day football stars, Fred Williamson, Jim Brown, etc. were the mainstays of black film in that era. They also had a sense of black pride and power as well, so I guess that's the difference.

I love 70's B-movies, and this one is a classic. It's about the moon landing being a huge hoax (which some say is true). There are glimpses of O.J in the trailer, and he co-stars with Barbra Streisand's first husband Elliot Gould, and her current one, James Brolin.

I'm Not One To Gossip (Yeah Right) But....

I hope this isn't true; she's one of my faves...from Babes, Bling, & Booze:

Word is that Sanaa Lathan is preggers for Adewale Ogunleye of the Chicago Bears. Good for them.

From IW: Hope she isn't doing this to spite Omar Epps, her ex, whose wife is currently pregnant or because she feels like she's missing out.

Ruh Ro....

Daaayuuummn! At her house? I can't say it isn't about time tho:

'Determined to stop the entertainment industry from portraying negative images of black men and women, the “Enough is Enough!” Campaign will hold its first rally and demonstration at the Washington DC residence of Debra L. Lee, Chairman and CEO, Black Entertainment Television Networks. The demonstration will take place this Saturday, September 15th, at 1:00 p.m. A press conference will be held at the site of the rally, 2800 McGill Terrace, NW, Washington, DC at 2:00 p.m.'

Sorry I missed it. Update: This was forwarded by Villager at Electronic Village; click here to see pictures of this protest. They were not playin'.

WTF?.....Volume 8

Apparently in a cheeto and burrito induced coma, Aretha Franklin now says she wants Halle Berry, not Jennifer Hudson, to play her in her on screen biopic.

This is wrong on so many levels that it would take all day to list why. No wonder it has now been downgraded from a feature film to a television movie. Update: I'm sorry, but I just have to put up this comment from Thembi, who suggested that maybe she was misquoted and meant "Fred Berry".

Yawn....

Jamie Foxx received a star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame over the weekend....tho with people like Charlie Murphy, Judge Judy, and Donald Trump already having one, the honor is getting to be on the same thrilling level as picking up your clothes from the drycleaners.

Peaceful Journey, Tupac

Speaking of rappers, it is the birthdate of one iconic rapper, Nas, and yesterday the anniversary of the death of another, Tupac Shakur...

Back in the day, I used to be quite the party girl....pretty much all day and all night. I worked in rap, and that was pretty much the lifestyle anyway-it was very agreeable for me at the time. I just shopped and hung out, and shopped some more.

Anyway, one of the regular hang-outs was Tupac's apartment in Oakland, CA. Day or night, whether he was there or not (he usually was) you could go there and it would always be cool, there were always other people there too. I mean you could go anytime, 24 hours a day. Somebody always had something to drink, and there was always music...sometimes we had too much fun, me and my girl had to pick Pac up off the floor more than once...haha. He even tried to get down with me a couple of times, but I thought he was too young, and he wasn't really my type. Too bad, I could've had great stories to tell the grandkids!

I never get used to what an icon he has become...it's almost like having hung out with Malcolm X. It's weird, but I'm glad so many people felt what he had to say on such a deep level-he was definitely beautiful and special. I never really thought he should have been in that Death Row world, I don't know why he loved it so, but everyone has to make their own choices, yes?

He was a great actor to me, very real and believable, and it's sad that the chance to do more was taken away from him...but such is life. Much love to Tupac and Biggie....

In Celebration Of Nas...

Damn! I tried to post some clips from "Belly" about 8 times, but you tube wouldn't let me. What's up with that? Instead I'll post the song that made me fall in love with his flow...when I went to go see rappers like some go to church. Big love to 90's rap and New York/Brooklyn/Queens/ Harlem in the day...

Today in B'Days

I guess he can count as black cinema technically, as he was in "Belly" and a couple of other j-list films. And plus I like him and Kelis: Nas is 34.

Did You Know Theo Plays The Sax?

I would make a joke about B-List heaven, but our folkses have to start somewhere, and I support all efforts to have our own. Malcolm Jamal-Warner performed with his band in this film, and of course Clifton Powell is in it (it is always him or Samuel Jackson in every film ever made). By the way, isn't Michael DeLorenzo, who's also in it, the Spanish dude from "NY Undercover"? From Black Talent News:

The Zanuck Theater on the FOX lot was filled to capacity in anticipation of the screening of "Contradictions of the Heart." The vignette stylized feature was produced by Bennett Five Films in association with DonLyn Productions. At the helm are producers Dawn Carter and Terrah Bennett Smith. Writers include Walter Allen Bennett Jr., Stephanie Covington, and Alex Pate.

The film stars Clifton Powell, Wendy Raquel Robinson, Vanessa Williams, LisaRaye, Michael DeLorenzo, Christopher B. Duncan, Malcolm-Jamal Warner, Nicole Jones, Jalyn Barrett, Molly Culver, William Christian, Alisa Reyes, Nikki Crawford, Mike Dolan, and more. The inter-connected stories also feature a performance by the Miles Long Band (Malcolm-Jamal Warner's band).

Celebs on hand to celebrate the release included writer Antwone Fisher, Loretta Devine, Anna Maria Horsford, Allen Payne, Carl Anthony Payne, Angell Conwell, John Marshall Jones, Tia Mowry, Pooch Hall, Hosea Chanchez, and Coby Bell.

Mos Def Wants You...

Mos Def, always interesting on screen, is making up for some of his real-life shenanigans as of late. He is organizing a rally in Jena, and asks that our community joins him. Here is the info about the day and ways to get there:

On September 20th, Mychal Bell--the first of the Jena 6 to be convicted--is scheduled for sentencing. If the District Attorney has his way, Mychal will face 22 years in prison. It's a horrifying moment for Mychal, his parents, and the rest of the Jena 6 families. It's also a perfect time for those who can to come to Jena, in person, and stand with them. Thousands of people across the country have already signed up to come to Jena. Please join us on Sept. 20th ...

Our presence in Jena--in large numbers--will help focus media attention on the situation in Jena, escalate pressure on Louisiana public officials, and most importantly, show the families of the Jena 6, especially Mychal Bell and his parents, that we will stand with them in the face of this injustice.

On July 31st, with only a few days to prepare, 300 people from across the country rallied at the Jena Courthouse. We delivered a petition signed by 43,000 ColorOfChange.org members to the District Attorney demanding that he drop the charges against the Jena 6. It was powerful day that made it clear that the Jena 6 and their families won't have to fight on their own. Since then, more than 100,000 people have taken action and contacted the Governor, media attention to the case has grown, and we have an even bigger opportunity to make a profound impact. As we plan for this event, we want to get a sense of how many people can commit to coming to Jena. Below are some details about getting there, so you can figure out if you'll be able to join us.

If you can join us, please click on the link below to RSVP: http://colorofchange.org/jena/rsvp.html

Details: If you're flying to Louisiana, the closest airports to Jena are Alexandria (45 minute drive) and Monroe (1.5 hour drive). You can also fly to Lafayette (2.25 hour drive), Shreveport (2.75 hour drive), Baton Rouge (3 hour drive), New Orleans (4.25 hour drive), or Houston (about a 5 hour drive).

The closest hotels are in Pineville and Alexandria. As they fill up, we'd recommend staying at hotels near the airports above.If travelling from out of town, you'll want to get to Louisiana the night before, as things will start early in the morning, probably by 8am or 9am. Organizers will meet you when you arrive at a central location in Jena and get you situated for the day. We will be providing maps, organizers' cell phone numbers, and other information closer to the day-of; you will be able to reach someone in case you have any problems, need directions, or have questions along the way.

RSVP: Once you're confident you can come, please rsvp at the following page: http://colorofchange.org/jena/rsvp.html. If you have questions, you can send them to
jena@colorofchange.org.

If you can't come, don't worry. There are other ways you can participate. First, make sure you've signed ColorOfChange.org's petition in support of the Jena 6: http://www.colorofchange.org/jena6

Once you've signed that petition, you'll receive emails from ColorOfChange.org with more ways to take action between now and the 20th. Whatever your participation, we thank you for your ongoing commitment to justice for the Jena 6.

Update: Received an email that help with legal is needed through donations:

Mychal Bell Legal Defense

Fund c/o Attorney Louis Scott

510 Pine Street

Monroe, LA 71201

mychalbelldefense at gmail.com

and Jena Six Legal Defense Fund

Update #2 from My Urban Report:

5:40pm: Markus Jones tells My Urban Report that his son Mychal Bell’s conviction on aggravated battery charges has been overturned by appeal.
From law office of Bell’s Attorney Lewis Scott:
“The writ was granted from the 3rd circuit to dismiss the adult charges on Mychal Bell.”
The DA has 13 days to appeal the decision to the Louisiana Supreme Court.

6:30pm: Reverand Raymond Brown president of Christians United of Louisiana tells My Urban Report:“Mychal Bell is still incarcerated, and by the time Monday comes round when all of the rejoicing is over, people will realize he’s still not a free man. That can be reversed, so you don’t rejoice until the DA says he will not retry him as an adult.”
Waiting to learn plans for scheduled march. Stay tuned.

Let Your Soul Glo...

Well Excuuuse Me...

Got this in my email; I suspect she may be Nigerian, haha:

At first, I loved your blog and I don't like most blogs. No wonder you have to be invisible--you really tell the truth about what you know, but it doesn't matter because you did not consider Chiwetel Ejiofor. I am not a film buff and just as I was thinking that you are all that, you lost all credibility with me because you did not mention a word about Chiwetel Ejiofor. Are you insane? How can you mention Nigeria, black people, or even a black man without saying his name? How can you do anything at all in life without thinking about Chiwetel Ejiofor? You are fast asleep. You should dedicate your entire blog to Chiwetel Ejiofor. You should have everything that has ever been posted on the web about Chiwetel Ejiofor on your blog. Who cares about stupid Terrance Howard when God gave us Chiwetel Ejiofor. I would lose 30 pounds and stop smoking and volunteer for a worthy cause every Saturday for the rest of my life for one date with Chiwetel Ejiofor. You thought you knew something and had something to say. Well, you haven't said a word unless you are talking about Chiwetel Ejiofor. Wake up!

If you can't bear to look at what's his name, The Last King of Scotland, look at the attached. Girl, please! And, I haven't even seen "Talk to Me Yet" or "Dirty Pretty Things" yet. I wish I could fly to England and see him on stage right now in whatever play he is in currently. When I saw him in "4 Brothers" that is all I needed to see. How could I like him in "Kinky Boots" I have no idea, but I loved him in that too. I am so close to saying he should have had the lead instead of Denzel in "Inside Man"--I don't know what stops me! Chiwetel in "Serenity" was just gratuitous Chiwetel, but that is okay, because he always looks good in a fight scene too. Well, now I need a nap. Good night.

From I.W.: Well, I guess she told me. The funny thing is, I was gonna write a post on him this week, but now I don't have to...let me wrap it up by saying, dear reader, that you'll be happy to know that he is being considered for the lead in the Black superhero movie "Panther".

I Know You've Probably Heard This By Now....

I wasn't going to post this because it has been on all the blogs, and because it is definitely not black cinema, but I love J-Hud. For the 8 of you that haven't heard, Jennifer Hudson has signed on to be in the "Sex and the City" movie.

Considering how I feel about on-screen television adaptations, I'll remain silent. Some folks say that this is a breakthru, as there were no blacks, apparently, in New York City in the late 90's and afterwards according to the show....but people forget, late into the episodes Blair Underwood played the red-headed one's boyfriend. I know, I forgot too, as I had stopped watching by then.

Today in B'Days

Tyler Perry is 38. So he says.

Cheadle In The Dog House

Apologies for the no post yesterday, but I started the Master Cleanse (which happened to coincide with Ramadan) and I was a grouchy she-bear. Blessings to my Muslim readers; I am right there with you right now.

Anyway, Mrs. Grapevine was kind enough to forward this to me. It's a new Don Cheadle movie, and I must say, the storyline is a bit suspect. From Variety:

Don Cheadle is barking up a new tree. The actor has signed on to co-star in DreamWorks' live-action "Hotel for Dogs."

Emma Roberts has already boarded the film, which is based on Lois Duncan's 1971 children's book of the same name.

Story revolves around two orphaned teenagers who hide dozens of stray dogs in an abandoned hotel. Cheadle will play a beleaguered social worker who keeps the kids out of trouble. Jeff Lowell penned the screenplay.

Project, which begins shooting in early November, marks Thor Freudenthal's feature directorial debut.

Jon Gordon, Lauren Shuler Donner and Jack Leslie are producing.

Cheadle most recently appeared in Warner Bros.' "Ocean's Thirteen," Columbia's "Reign Over Me" and Focus Features' "Talk to Me."

From I.W.: A good actor should stretch out in different types of roles, but I hope this one is better than it sounds, cause I love the Cheadle.

Where's Martin Scorsese When You Need Him?

Okay, so I posted this video last week about the Blockbuster Black Movie Section, and these dudes were reviewing these bootleg movies, and talked about one called "The Watermelon Heist". I thought it would be fun to laugh at, cause you knew it was gonna be like some high school play.

Oh.....my....God....have you ever seen a movie so bad that you can't even laugh at it? A movie that defies description and what your eyes are seeing? A movie that any self-respecting 4th grader can write in their sleep, but was still made anyway? This is that movie.

It is the story of Nicodemus Brown, who calls himself "Nicca Brown" and his welfare check waitin' family....it goes downhill from there, culminating with a 2 minute appearance by Rudy Ray (Dolemite) Moore, who looks like a corpse in a suit and hat. And since it was based on a "true story" (that term is surely twisted to hell in this one) of John Amos' father, starred John Amos, and was "directed" by John Amos' son, K.C. Amos, I will be kind and simply say that this is the worst film I have ever seen in my life.

Instead I will focus on one of the oddities in this movie, Red Grant (he's the one with the watermelon in the back of the first picture). Who is this dude? I first saw him in the second worst move I've ever seen, "So Fresh, So Clean-Tidey Whitey Cleaners". This movie, supposedly set in Oakland, CA, made me ashamed to admit I grew up there.

In the w-list movies I've seen him in, I always marveled at how he got work...he makes Forest Whitaker look like The Rock in the face.....check out his names in the movies he's been in: "Horny", "Forty Ounce", "Ringworm" and "Greg Rant" (genius). Add "Leprechaun in the Hood" co-starring Ice-T and Coolio to his illustrious accomplishments.

There aren't too many pictures of him available on the net, but when I see how he looks in real life, he is not so scary to look at (unless his pictures are airbrushed). Why he chooses to look the way he does in his films...well, maybe he's a method actor. Yeah, that's it.

Today in B'Days

Ludacris, who fell from my 4th husband to my 6th because of his association with Parasite Hilton, is 30.

Iron Man Trailer

Speaking of Supernegro, I spotted this trailer over there, too. I saw a 1.5 second flash of Tangy Terrence Howard; so much for his "co-starring".

Thanks, Guys! (I Mean Rockin' Girls)

It's really nice when people dig your blog....it shows that your thoughts and efforts actually mean something. So it was a nice surprise to get not one, but two separate Rockin' Girl Blogger awards on the same day, one from Lisa C at Lisa C Writes, and one from Shelia at Black Tennis Pro's.

This award was originally created by Roberta, over at Blogging Made Devilishly Simple! In turn, you are supposed to give love to other blogger girls you think rock. Mine are:

justjudith from Viva-Voce (who gave me one too after I posted this)

purplezoe from UltraViolet Underground

cgwhc (for short) from Colored Girls Who Have Considered

wanda from The Life Of Wanda (who gave me one too, post-post)

harleyblues from The Beatles and Everybody Who Loves Them

and last, but not least, my African sister tayo at All Tayo.

You guys will always rock. Bigup!

Update: I almost forgot my rockin' girl hottnikz at Off The Radar

Damn, Why Him?

Saw this on one of my superhero's sites, Supernegro:

A cinematic tribute to the late, great Arthur Ashe has been a long time a-comin', but it looks like a biopic about the iconic tennis star is the works courtesy of Will Smith who will not star, but serve as producer. So who's signed to play the role? The human annoyance that is Nick Canon. Filmwad got the scoop on the movie from MTV News:

"[These] types of films take a while to get prepared,” explained Cannon, who said previously that the script deals with Ashe’s tennis heyday and stops short of exploring his final years.

Can you say Hollywood cop out? Arthur Ashe contracting the HIV virus and dying from AIDS is an important part of the star's life, as in his death he - along with Rock Hudson and Magic Johnson - helped push the serious of the disease to the national forefront. Regardless, I still don't think Nick has the acting chops to pull this off; outside of a decent performance in Bobby, I haven't seen him excel as a character that wasn't a cocky sum'bitch. Ashe was a classy champion, so if Nick's interpretation involves moonwalking after winning the U.S. Open, well, fuck that. - Jay Wilson

From I.W.: Let me say that I loved, loved, loved, Arthur Ashe and everything he stood for. He was an amazing tennis player, an articulate, intelligent, thoughtful human being, and an activist. In general, just a true credit to our community. In all fairness, after seeing "Bobby", Nick might (heavy emphasis on that word) be able to handle the role, but only if it isn't written like a TV movie-of-the-week, and the production values are sky high.

I agree with Jay tho...I was really saddened when Arthur passed, as were millions of others. You could tell how much his wife truly loved him. His battle with AIDS had become just as important to him as his tennis career, so it is doing him, his family, his fans, as well as those who don't know much about him a huge discredit not to show that part of his life. Without that part, this movie better be the s__t.

I'd like to know what Shelia of Black Tennis Pro's (a very cool blog btw) makes of all this.....

Eff MTV.....

No, I'm not gonna comment on the VMA's, one because they're not cinema, and two, MTV sickens me.

To see how I felt about their tired "movie award show" click here.

Oh (Undercover) Brother.....

A lot of you guys have probably read about this by now, but this version is from Rhymes With Snitch:

Somehow Eddie Griffin was invited to perform at the Black Enterprise 14th annual Golf and Tennis Challenge in Miami on Friday. I know, right? This guy ain't been funny since, for-never! Anyway, ten minutes into his set they pulled the plug on his ass because he kept using the word nigga. After he was shut down, the well heeled crowd gave a standing ovation to which Eddie came back on the stage and yelled "Fuck y'all!' before leaving the venue.

From I.W.: As Scooby would say: 'Ruh ro'!

Surprise, Surprise...

Okay, so I try to support Black Cinema at every turn....even if I know it's gonna be painful. This usually happens at the video store when I see something that looks like it was made on $12.59 and a 6-pack of Colt 45.

I must say that the best way to approach these films is with zero expectations. That way, you might be able to enjoy something that is completely amateurish in every way. Just maybe. Imagine my surprise when I saw this film this morning and actually kinda liked it...it's a j-list movie called "The Hit".

It is the story of a rap mogul (Blair Underwood) who is tired of the non-blacks taking all of the profits, and gathers all the rap labels together for their own super-distribution company. Of course the non-blacks aren't down with that, and super drama occurs. There are a couple of sub-plot elements, one good (two rappers find out they have the same goody-two shoes girl) and one that seemed like it was an afterthought (use part of the super company's profits to open a center to get kids and parents off drugs...huh?)

I was prepared to tolerate it and be disgusted as I usually am with these types of films. Plus it had Blair Underwood as the lead, who is in the reigning court of B -movies these days....never a big fan-he seems a little phony, and I can never quite get with what's going on with his hair.

Anyhoo, I started to dig this film. Not in a "The Departed" "this is the s__t " kinda way, but in that "wow, this isn't so horrible" kinda way. As I watched it, it dawned on me why it was okay with me...it reminded me of the films I watched as a kid...the black exploitation flicks with the staples; Fred Williamson, Jim Brown, etc. I only rolled my eyes a couple of times...and Blair looked--dare I say it? Kinda fine.

If you replaced Blair with Fred Williamson, his girl with Judy Pace, and all the others with the faces of the black and white subpar actors of the 70's, it would be a perfect match. All of the elements were there:

-supermachismo

-girls who can't act their way out of a paper bag, but are willing to appear topless

-fancy cars only a few people can afford-all rented of course

-everyone has convenient connections everywhere in times of trouble

-low budget sets for the most part, but main characters look like they live in Tommy Mattola's house

-a black love scene that is brief, but much more powerful than a half an hour of any non-black love scene

-a soundtrack that catches your attention

-an all out plan to get revenge on "the man"

Ultimately, I had no beef with this movie, but had a few questions....

-Why make Blair have liberal use of "what a nigga know" and "ain't" and "f__k"? It reeeealy doesn't suit him

-Why is Al B Sure in this movie for any reason (he is in for 4 minutes, 30 seconds)? Just so we can marvel at him saying "I''m about to dump on you nigga"?

-Do Italian/Americans get pissed off when they see themselves constantly played as mob stereotypes?

-If this movie was supposed to take place in L.A., why does two thirds of the cast have a New York accent and swagger? I'm just sayin'.

To watch this movie (full-length), click here. Let me know what you think.

Saving Will Smith...

From Black Talent News:

Will Smith has signed on to star in the drama "Seven Pounds." According to Variety, the project will reunite Smith with the creative team behind "The Pursuit of Happyness."Gabriele Muccino (""The Pursuit of Happyness") is directing from a script by Grant Nieporte.

The story revolves around a man who accidentally falls in love while trying to kill himself. Todd Black, Jason Blumenthal, James Lassiter, Smith and Steve Tisch are on board as producers for Escape Artists and Smith's Overbook Entertainment.Production will begin early February 2008 for a late 2008 release date.

Smith is currently filming Columbia Pictures' "Hancock," directed by Peter Berg. He can next be seen in Warner Bros. Pictures' "I Am Legend" which opens in December.

From I.W.: Looks like someone will finally be saving Will for once, instead of the other way around.